Greetings, and welcome to Earthling Cinema.
I am your host, Garyx Wormuloid.
This week's artifact is Get Out, written and directed by visonary auteur
LeCarpetron Dookmarriot.
Our protagonist is a darkly-pigmented human named Chris, who goes with his lightly-pigmented
girlfriend Marnie to stay with her parents for the weekend in the haunted house part
of town.
The family members all welcome him with open appendages, but the gardener and housekeeper
act like a couple of looney tunes, specifically Speedy Gonzalez.
That night, Marnie's mother, Missy, performs Kabbalah magic on Chris to help him quit smoking
deathsticks.
Sure, that means his consciousness goes for a staycation in the Phantom Zone, but his
deathstick cravings are gone, so who is he to complain?
Marnie's family has a big old garden party with some big old garden-variety white people.
They all take turns talking to Chris about Tiger Woods and feeling up his muscles, both
of which were considered taboo on Earth.
He seeks out the one other black guest, Logan, who also acts like a looney tune,
I guess Elmer Fudd because he's wearing a hat.
Chris snaps a picture using his Samsung Galaxy Note, but the flash turns Logan into Weapon X
and he yells at Chris to get out.
GET OUT!
Hey, that's the name of the movie!
Although the original working title was Black Weekend No Go So Good.
He sends the picture to his friend Rod, an airport employee with a beautiful mind for
tangential acquaintances.
That's Dre, he use to kick it with Veronica.
Veronica from what?
Teresa's sister that work at the movie theatre on 8th.
Chris then tries to escape, but Marnie turns out to be a bad guy too.
You know I can't give you the keys, right babe?
So that kinda puts a strain on their relationship.
Chris wakes up to some branded content explaining that Marnie's family has achieved immortality
-- first by kidnapping young hosts, then trapping their minds in the Phantom Zone, and finally
downloading an old person's consciousness into the host brain using some sort of medical
procedure that doesn't require scientific explanation, but trust us, it works.
Chris employs some DIY earplugs, rendering him impervious to Missy's magic and any loud
concerts he might attend later.
He promptly kills Dean
Missy, the very important brother character I just remembered, and the housekeeper, who
is actually Marnie's grandmother.
The gardener, who is actually her grandfather, attacks Chris, so Chris uses his camera flash
to give the whole soul-stealing thing another try.
Now free, the host shoots Marnie and then kills himself so he doesn't have to mulch ever again.
Then a police car shows up, but it's actually just Rod driving an airplane he borrowed from work
They fly off into the sunset as Marnie ponders moving to upstate New York to help her friend
Hannah raise a baby.
Get Out is a commentary on race relations in 21st century America, which were somehow
both better and worse than ever before.
The film follows in the tradition of social thrillers such as The Invasion of the Body Snatchers,
They'll absorb your minds, your memories, and your reborn into an untroubled world.
Where everyone's the same?
The Stepford Wives
You are different! Your figure's different! You're face--
And The Hot Chick
Ahhh!
Wherein the loss of victims' personal
autonomy illustrate societal imbalances of the time.
The Armitage clan (pun attempted) bend over backwards to demonstrate their racial open-mindedness
-- no small feat given the inferior flexibility of Caucasians.
Marnie's father tries to use black lingo.
So how long has this been going on? This...this thang?
And apologizes for the optics of having black servants.
I hate the way it looks.
And he loves Barack Obama, despite Obama's boring, non-confrontational style of handshake.
By they way, I...I would've voted for Obama for a third term if I could.
To the audience, this over-enthusiasm seems suspicious because they've already seen the trailer.
But it doesn't raise red flags for Chris, as he's used to odd behavior from white people
trying to prove their tolerance by wearing a bracelet or whatever.
All I know is sometimes...if there's too many white people I get nervous, you know?
The film asserts that racism is alive and well beneath this veneer of white liberalism,
although it is heartening to remember that racism would eventually be eradicated along
with the rest of Earth.
The Armitages and their friends claim to be interested in experiencing black culture.
Such a privilege to be able to experience another person's culture.
In reality they only want to collect it like they would a pog or a Beano Baby --
Duh f***?
--preserving what they perceive to be favorable traits while banishing unwanted elements to Goodwill.
Through the film's imagery, the pretext of appreciation is peeled away to reveal the
tearful onion of oppression -- delicious.
The tools the Armitages use to control Chris are commonly associated with white elites,
such as a china teacup and a lacrosse baton.
Even Marnie's eating habits reveal her true intentions: she keeps her milk and fruit loops
separate, symbolizing her desire to control the integration of whiteness and color.
And don't even get her started on sogginess!
But Chris is able to resist -- ironically by turning emblems of whiteness against his captors.
He stuffs his ears with cotton, a crop strongly associated with slavery, to get a little noise cancellation.
He beans Jeremy with a bocce ball, the only game whiter than lacrosse other than shuffleboard
and croquet and soccer and baseball.
He stabs Dean with a hunting trophy because white people love trophies, and he smashes
the teacup because f*** that teacup.
When a squad car appears at the end, Marnie tries to manipulate the situation to her favor
by invoking helpless white girl stereotypes.
Help *coughs*
But the officer turns out to be the comic relief guy,
Oh s***.
so we get a happy ending for our social justice boners.
At least until the actual police investigation begins.
For Earthling Cinema, I'm Garyx Wormuloid.
Stay woke.