Stop it!
You started it.
No I didn't.
Hey you kids, be nice! Or so help me I will turn this car around.
Ugh. CUT IT OUT!
That's it!
[car screeches] God dad, what are you doing?!
[cars honking]
[screaming] No Dad! No! what are you doing?!
[screaming] WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! DAD, DAD! What are you doing?! What are you doing, oh my god?!
Hey I want to return this game.
Sorry bud, looks like you bought this used.
But i - it's, it's broken, it doesn't even work.
Hmmmmm.....
Seriously, try it.
[breathes in] Ugghhhh...
♪ dramatic video game music ♪
Looks fine to me.
Keep going...
♪ the music continues ♪
[gunshot]
♪ triumphant ending music ♪
So... what's the problem?
What the - what's the prob - what... There's no game!
...Seems right to me.
What? You - you just... die in the tutorial?
I suppose in YOUR game Hitler gets to LIVE.
What? No! I - I just... I payed 40 bucks for this thing - !
[desk slam] You know who payed a lot MORE than 40 bucks?
Uh, let's see... most of Europe, the Jews, the American soldiers who gave their -
Look, look, I don't wanna get into a whole... you know, I just - I - I expect that when I buy a game I -
You get to kill Jews! I understand perfectly.
N - No! I - I just... I just want my money back! C'mon!
Well can I.... can I... c - can I EXCHANGE it?
Yeah sure.
Good! Uh... what can I exhange it for?
*sigh*... Anything from the used shelf.
[explosion sound]
[german accent] They're in the attic!
[gunshots]
[pacman death noise]
I'm bored.
Yeah, me too.
You wanna... you wanna race to that tree over there?
Lets do it!
[revving engines]
Dammit!
Officers! City Hall is under siege by armed thugs.
It's time to call...
Mothman.
Turn on the moth signal!
I'm on it!
[clunk]
[smash]
Well... I guess we have to do our job now.
Dang!
Alright... Spotlight's fixed, we got a bulb, a gel...
Total is 2000 dollars.
Well, I'm not paying for it.
Chief?
[deviously] Chief?
What? Don't look at me. I'm broke.
[mothy flutters] [screaming]
Hello?
H - Hello? Hey, hey there.
[from radio] Hello? Psst, hey!
[sigh] I read you loud and clear.
Soooo... I was thinking.
We get along real well and... maybe I could take you out some -
You are not seriously asking me out in the middle of a sting operation.
Well - well I just think we -
You're supposed to be a hooker, Williams. Please focus!
[from radio] Looks like the senator is pulling up now.
Remember: get him to agree to sex, and THEN make the arrest.
Hey, uh... Look, I don't normally do this kinda thing, but uh...
Look. Let's just get a nice dinner somewhere. Just you and me.
D - dinner? I uh... I was actually hoping for something more...
Williams! What the fuck are you DOING?!
I was hoping for something, you know. A... little bit of action.
You know what I mean?
Well if you're more comfortable I can bring my buddy Jeffrey? And you can invite your sister so It's not just us.
Wait, what?
Williams, I SWEAR to GOD.
I was actually just, you know, hoping to get a quick -
Coffee? How 'bout coffee?
God dammit Williams, you're gonna blow it!
I am not gonna blow it!
Oh, uh, o - okay, it's just that I... brought all this money, and -
Williams! He's about to make the offer!
Blow it!
The only thing I wanna blow is kisses... to you.
Oh Jesus Christ...
Wait! You wanna do... what to me, Williams?
Oh, you know. Just wanna give you a little kiss on the cheek~
[kiss noise]
Is - is there anything else you can do? I've got like a hundred bucks, and...
Williams, quick! What else do you wanna do to me? AFTER you kiss me?
I wanna walk you through the park by by the lake, and go...
feed the ducks.
And then what? I'm yours. What do you wanna do with me?!
Mm, and after that, maybe a second date!
We can paint pottery together!
Ugh!
And then maybe one day I'll ask you to marry me!
And then you'd say yes and we'd - we'd have
A big wedding!
And then that night? I take my wedding dress off for you... and we... we - !
And then...
We get a good night's sleep for our honeymoon in the Bahamas!
FUCKING CHRIST, I'll do this myself!
Hey you. Let's fuck. 5 dollars.
Sorry, no thanks.
I'm getting married!
[mouthing] I love you!
If our demands aren't met in ONE minute, we're taking every hostage down!
Only Mothman can save us now.
I hope he gets here soon...
Look! It's Mothman!
[thunk thunk]
[mothy flapping]
[more mothy fluttering]
[clunking sounds]
[ripping sound] AAAH!
[various screams]
OH! He's in my mouth!
What's going on back there?!
Ow! Uh - oh no!
[screams of mothy anguish]
I'll get you, creep!
uuuuuOOOOOOOOUUUOOUUAAAAAHHHHAAAHHHAHAHAOWOW
[whimpers]
Thank you Mothman! We couldn't have done it without you.
Over thirty lives were saved today, thanks to your heroism.
[thumping against window]
[graceful, mothy flitting]
Who's that, daddy?
He's the hero our city...
has.
[mothy flaps into the sunset]
♪ sad, haunting piano music ♪
Got something for you to look at, Murph.
I found this kid tresspassing around uh, uh, Maple Oaks.
I thought he was just a homeless junkie; but here's the thing,
He claims he's that kid, Thomas Pinkerton, that went missing 12 years ago.
Ridiculous, right?
Hmm...
So maybe you can use one of your... wacky science things
to figure this one out for us, eh?
Yes yes, I know just the thing!
I can simply use this reverse ageing application to age this man backwards.
Thomas Pinkerton, was it?
Yeah...
Oh, there we are.
Now by simply scrolling down...
Uh, is this the missing kid?
It is! Erm, wow!
Get him cleaned up!
Astounding technology!
It ages anyone backwards?
Yes sir! State of the art.
Ha-hey, ey, put the Chief into it!
Ha ha, alright!
[scrolling mouse wheel]
Ha ha ha ha ha! That's incredible! Do you!
[more scrolling]
HA! Look at this stud!
Ha ha ha, I know, I know. Okay, your turn!
Lemme put you in, ha ha.
Ha ha, nah, don't put me in.
C'mon, it's only fair!
Ha ha, no, seriously, don't.
♪ eerie music ♪
... good choice.
[various burglar noises]
[smashing glass]
Huh?!
Finally!
I get to use ma guns, protect ma house...
legally shoot a man...
I can't wait!
[gunshot]
♪ heavenly music ♪
♪ triumphant military music ♪
{Transcriptors note: Where did the green belt go?}
[cocking rifle]
[guns clacking]
Almost time... [creepy giggles]
Who's it gonna be?
Here it comes...
[more creepy laughter]
[weapons thumping down stairs]
Oh no!
They took the rest of mah guns!
Well... at least I have you...
some guns.
[kiss]
[gross making out noises]
[heavy breathing]
[gasp]
[sigh]
Hey there! How you doing?
Not great...
That's why I signed up for my Amazon Death™!
You JUST signed up for it? Dude...
I'm already on Death Plus™.
W - w - what's the difference?
Ha! What's the difference? Watch and see my friend.
[brakes screeching]
Sign here, please.
[scribbling]
You'll die in 5 to 10 business days.
Aww...
I just signed me and my friends up for Death Plus Air™!
Wait, what?
[drone buzzing]
AH! [the sound of people being sliced by blades]
[annoyed hum]
Scalpel?
[heartbeat]
Alright, we have about 30 seconds.
Donor heart.
Pacing wires.
Wait, what?
Happy birthday!
Uh...
Make a wish!
[heartbeat continues]
[squelchy resignation]
Well, I guess I have no choice...
[whoosh]
Ugh...
Oh God...
Daddy! You're okay!
Honey! I'm so happy...
Hey... Ha, I made it.
He pulled through like a champ, Mrs. Wilkins.
He'll need to rest up; you can visit him again tomorrow.
Thank you for everything, Doctor!
Hey Doc, I - I just wanna say... thanks for saving my life.
You're a miracle worker!
I used my only wish on you.
Also, your heart is a cake.
MY cake.
Happy birthda -
♪ creepy music ♪
MYYYYY
CAAAKKKEEE!
What's with the cup?
Eh. I figured I'd start bringing my own cup so I didn't use the disposable ones.
Makes you look like a dork, though...
Whatever. Someone's gotta save the planet.
[mocking] Hey, look at ME, I'm saving the world with my rad cup!
Hey, c'mon man! Every little bit helps.
Seriously? What's ONE cup going to do?
[sirens wailing]
What's happening, Scientist?!
It's the Earth, Mr. President!
She's at maximum pollution!
All the centuries of litter, waste and deforestation...
It's just to much!
She's gonna blow!
My God... We're doomed!
This is it!
Wait! It's stabilizing!
Something's happening at Oregon!
Get me the NSA!
Putting you through now.
[AOL sound]
Medium coffee coming right up.
Uh, I brought my OWN cup, actually.
So, how's your coffee, saviour of humanity?
[plane sounds]
Huh?
♪ presidential music ♪
You boy! For your act of bravery today, we are truly in your debt.
You have saved all of humanity!
Let if forever be known, that in our darkest time, our only light came from you.
[applause]
For your literally incredible act of valor, I bestow upon you this
Certificate of Bravery!
[splash] Ah!
[slow motion] NOOOOOOOOO...
[slow motion] AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
[fart sound]
♪ funky outro song ♪
{transcriptors note: keikaku means plan}