(Alarm Sound)
Gotta Go Fast!
You're Too Slow!
(Smashing Sounds)
F**K YOU!
♪Intro Music (Local Forecast – Elevator)♫
Sonic the Hedgehog is the popular video game character created by SEGA.
And from what I understand, the only reason the freakish ultramarine mutant was created was purely because SEGA wanted a mascot for their company that could be on the same level as Mario.
And this, in itself is one of the main reasons as to why Sonic is just repulsive to me.
I find his overall design just, dull and uninspired.
He's got his blue hair...
Huge white gloves..
Comically oversized shoes...
And even the damn belt buckle on his shoe is yellow.
Coincedence? I think NOT!
Seriously, SEGA?
You seriously couldn't think of anything better than this?
And what was the thought process behind choosing a hedgehog as your mascot?
I mean, I can understand why Nintendo chose a fat Italian plumber as... oh wait.
So I took it upon myself to redesign Sonic to make him infinitely more realistic and better in every way.
For a start, Sonic's legs are far too puny and weak to support the supposed fastest thing in the universe.
(Ding) See? Much better.
This is also acceptable.
SEGA, Take Notes
But you know what, I could forgive the lackluster design of the (Indistinguishable words)
What I can't forgive though, is his voice.
Just listen to some of these lines.
“It might be tough unless you know everything.”
“Mmm, pinball!”
“Hey hey hey!”
“What's this smell?”
“Smells like Tail's butt”
“Aw yeah, mmm. This is happening!”
“Yeah, this could be fun!”
“Here it comes again!”
“WOAH!”
”C'mon, you big drip, where you going?”
“I'll find Tails and put him out of commission!”
“Sound test sound test sound test sound test”
(Incomprehensible screams of agony)
S O U N D T E S T
He can't even say something harmless like:
“Is your memory card set correctly?
Without me wanting to find the voice actor and strangle him with the mangled corpse of a fox I had understandably mistaken for Tails.
Speaking of mangled animal corpses that remind me of Sonic characters. (Scream)
The Sonic the Hedgehog supporting cast is almost more obnoxious than Sonic himself.
We have the previously mentioned Tails the Fox,
The stalker freak Amy Rose,
Knuckles the Echidna,
and many more laughable animal based characters
Another particularly grotesque feature of the character designs that has always bothered me, is the way they have one bizarre conjoined eye, that can somehow independently control two irises.
It's the stuff of nightmares! (Scream)
Hilariously enough I've not even mentioned the games themselves these characters are featured in yet.
And unsurprisingly, pretty much all of the Sonic games are pretty terrible in my eyes.
The problem they seem to have is that they all try to rely on a forced gimmick.
No one wants to be a damn long armed freakish Sonic werewolf!
Or a side splittingly hilarious looking Sonic the Knight.
I thought the idea of Sonic is that you wanna get the thrill of running really, really fast and doing loop de loops and all the other craziness.
And to tell you the truth, I've hardly indulged in any of the Sonic games.
It just doesn't interest me,
It's just stupid.
So so stupid...
So before I wrap this up, believe it or not my most prized possession is a Sonic the Hedgehog hat.
This is because I can wear it around town pretending to be a mentally deficient child.
To scare old people and young babies.
Hopefully giving them a lifetime fear of the terrible character.
And thwarting the chances of sales of the games in my local area.
Although I have to give at least one thing to Sonic.
Without him, there would be no fricking, SammyClassicSonicFan.
Possibly the most profound and fricking intelligent scholar YouTube has ever had the pleasure of hosting.
I put a link to his channel in the description.
It's definitely worth a look.
So while I may think Sonic is the worst game character ever, I understand there are those people out there who do enjoy his boring character and mostly lackluster games.
And I think it's safe to say, I'll not be pre-ordering the next Sonic game to get the special character skin pack
that lets me play as Usain Bolt
Actually, you know what, I would play that.
So at the end of my last video I asked what people thought about DLC, and here are some of the best comments.
So here's the question for next episode.
Which character is better? Sonic the Hedgehog or Mario?
Leave your comments below and the best answers will have a chance at the end of the next video.
So as always, what do you think about the video? All comments and ratings are appreciated, thanks for watching, BYE!