- [Narrator] Hey, Psych2Goers.
Is it the highs of the honeymoon period wearing off
or maybe you are about to begin a new relationship?
You're bound to wonder and you are sure to ponder.
Wow, did that just rhyme?
Anyways, where, oh yes, is your partner the one?
And no you're not alone.
It's only natural for one to have second thoughts
when you think about the long run.
You were in love and that can make it hard for you
to see why you two don't work as a we anymore.
It can even occur way down the road
when you're beginning to settle in for the ride
that is life.
It can be emotionally jarring to even contemplate a breakup
as you may still love the person.
But when the realization
that you don't have a future together sets in,
it's all the more important to make the right decision.
Here are seven signs they are not the one.
Number one, they want you to change.
Have they made a list of things
they would like to change about you?
If any such list exists, even in imagination,
chances are they're not the one for you.
It said love change is one for the better.
But if that change has to be enforced
rather than a gradual naturalness,
it sure does leave something to be desired.
Everyone wants to be loved and appreciated.
The right partner should bring out the best in you,
not change the very you of you.
If they're not comfortable with the funny, awkward,
clumsy real you, it calls for some serious review.
Number two, you can't count on them.
Are you a go getter?
In this day and age, self-reliance comes with the territory.
But at the end of the day,
it feels good to know your partner's got your back.
As adults you each have your own path to tread.
Still you look for a partner you can rely on
in times when your path is not so smooth.
It's difficult to find motivation sometimes.
And it makes all the difference to know
that the one beside you is cheering you on.
So it does beg the question,
will they be there for you when you need them the most?
Number three, you have different values.
Do they revere the same things as you?
Now it is surely difficult for two individuals
to have completely the same taste,
but when it comes to the big questions,
it's essential to be facing the same direction at least.
It's difficult to stay on the same road
if the destination isn't the same, right?
Relationship experts recommend discussing major topics
such as finances, intimacy, and others
thoroughly and openly from the get go
as they may become a major deal breaker later on.
If the two of you don't see eye to eye
on things regarding marriage or kids for example,
it will only break your heart the longer you wait for them
to come around to your ideals or for you to turn to theirs.
If your priorities don't match,
chances are they won't allow you to match either.
Number four, they can hear but not listen.
Does it seem like you are the only one making compromises?
Do you have a hard time getting them
to understand your perspective?
Communication is to a relationship,
what sunshine is to a flower.
It's important for the ones in a relationship
to read their partner's emotions as well.
They should show a willingness
to work on the relationship together.
Conflicts are a given for every couple,
but it's important to have all hands on deck
and work towards a solution.
If it takes all your effort to get the two of you
on the same page,
it's possible they're not emotionally available.
Brushing things under the rug is only a temporary solution.
For the long term,
your partner should not only look out for your needs,
as well but be willing to meet you halfway
in all the efforts you put in.
Number five, your intuition.
What does your gut feeling say about them?
Are you constantly feeling like something is off?
One of the first red flags in any relationship
is when you begin to question your relationship with them.
You have this gut feeling that something's just not right.
Maybe you've already envisioned that sparkling rock,
or maybe you've already picked that flowing mesh of white.
But the thought of the right one gives you pause.
Whatever you feel for them
is overshadowed by a sense of foreboding.
Number six, they are fond of 'You' statements.
"We're always late because of you.
You don't ever care how I feel."
Is your partner always quick to criticize?
As witnessed, couples are more likely to engage
in complaining behavior than most others, right?
But is it constructive or corrosive criticism?
They leave you feeling hurt and rejected
by using even honest mistakes
to make negative judgements about you.
They always find a way to blame you
for the smallest inconvenience
without even hearing your side of the story.
Psychologist John Gottman, who has analyzed couples
for over four decades now found that repeated critiques,
berating another person's intentions
can soon cause relationships to derail.
On top of that, expressions of contempt
such as sarcasm on a daily basis can make it difficult
for the couple to lead the life they always dreamed of.
And number seven, your close ones can tell.
Has your best friend been telling you to stop seeing them?
Do your closest family members
feel like the two of you don't match?
It's very true that it is your life
and you should get to make all the major decisions,
but often your close ones can see what you fail
to realize way before you do.
Your friends and family are the ones
who have spent the longest time with you.
They're sure to know more about you
and are always on the lookout for you.
So if they recommend you revisit your decision,
there might be something that struck them as odd.
It's wise to understand where they're coming from
before striking them out as being too nosy.
It is highly possible for you to encounter such situations
and even the most longstanding of relationship.
Does that mean you're with the wrong one?
Not at all.
Every couple is unique.
There are good days
and then there are bad days.
If you can observe these scenarios occurring sparingly
in response to particular events,
they're bound to go away with time.
But if you see a pattern forming too often,
it might be time for you to have a little talk
to figure things out.
For serious relationship issues,
we fully recommend seeking out a trained professional.
Feel free to leave a comment down below with your thoughts,
experiences, or suggestions.
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