Where do I start with this one?
A pet project of reclusive aviator Howard Hughes (his last production in fact) this
western epic from director Dick Powell cost $6 million to make, and premiered in February
of 1956.
Clearly blinded by its recognizable stars audiences helped this clumsy film earn some
$9 million in proceeds.
The approved-rated story hilariously features John Wayne in the title role as Temujin - a
Mongol warrior in the 13th century who would rise to power to become Genghis Khan.
Let that sink in for a minute...
America's most recognizable cowboy, at the prime of his career, was selected to play
an Asian warrior.
Racial insensitivity notwithstanding, this might be the single worst casting decision
in the history of film... covered in a thin layer of what appears to be "brown face",
The Duke is downright embarrassing - mugging for the camera in his goofy looking mustache
and shouting dialogue in his trademark timbre, with no attempt to change his voice.
That's bad enough, considering the stilted writing he's forced to deliver resembles a
broken Haiku; "There are moments for wisdom and moments when I listen to my blood; my
blood says, take this Tartar woman.", Wayne declares before riding out to capture an enemy
princess, played by Susan Hayward.
She's stiff and disinterested, sharing absolutely zero chemistry with her brawny co-star.
Thanks to Dan Carlin's incredibly fascinating podcast series, "Wrath of The Khans", I went
into this movie already knowing what a powerful, influential, ruthless, sex-crazed warrior
Temujin was.
But "The Conqueror" shares none of his backstory, instead reducing his entire legacy down to
a silly romance story with bad costumes.
Khan didn't nervously ask for a girl's attention like a timid teenager before prom - this is
a man who literally raped thousands of women during his travels.
One useless sequence plays out like a rejected grade school recital, with scantily clad women
prancing around for no one's amusement, before Hayward takes to the floor in a failed assassination
attempt.
The 111-minute picture contains a fair amount of action, including some impressive horseback
riding and stuntwork - but thanks to the identical looking players and flat cinematography, it's
impossible to really tell what's going on.
And when Powell punches in for the rare close-up, it results in laughably unrealistic fight
choreography.
The wide CinemaScope lens also creates a rather distracting barreling effect on the sides
of the frame - most obviously during the movie's many panning shots.
The audio meanwhile is especially awful...
I can't tell if it was a botched ADR-job, or recorded through a tin can on the end of
a string.
The Mexican and Native American supporting cast might pass for Asian soldiers in the
right lightning, but Utah's Mojave region is a poor substitute for Mongolia's Gobi Desert.
Speaking of lighting though, it sucks... completely inconsistent as Powell attempts to mix location-work
with scenes obviously shot back on a soundstage.
This movie's most unforgiving mistake though lies not with its awful screenplay or bad
acting, but with the production itself.
Those aforementioned exteriors in Utah?
Yeah, they were filmed downwind of the US Government's nuclear weapons testing site.
An estimated 91 people from the 220-person cast developed cancer, including the director
who died of the disease just seven years later.
Although Wayne himself attributed his lung and stomach cancer to his aggressive smoking
habit, a scientist from the Pentagon’s Defense Nuclear Agency reacted to his death by proclaiming,
“Please, God, don’t let us have killed John Wayne."
Obsessed with this costly mistake, Hughes reportedly spent his final paranoid years
watching this movie every night - after spending $12-million of his own money buying every
last copy for himself.
Masquerading as a John Wayne western, this movie is a monument to bad decisions, and
although it really needs to be seen to be believed, you're better off simply not.
"The Conqueror" is a trainwreck of historic proportions - and is simply GARBAGE.