Reddit Relationships Cheating. UPDATE: On wife cheating
with school resource officer.
For your information.
This is a very emotionally dynamic post.
It changed from advice.
To progress, to need support multiple times.
I apologize for the rambling.
It's been three and a half weeks since D-Day now I paid the
retainer this week and we'll be going in today to sign some stuff.
I'm going to take a decent hit because she doesn't make hardly any money, but
I'll manage as long as I can somehow negotiate me, keeping the house.
I ended up telling AP'S wife.
And we stayed in contact for a couple of weeks, trying to figure out what we could.
They both had the same story of not being physical, just
to sexts, pictures and videos.
He did tell his wife that he could have done whatever with her, because
she was so persistent and he couldn't go through with it, but who knows
doesn't make a difference to me, but they are trying to work it out.
So more power to em'
They still work together.
But, my soon to be ex, says they don't speak, still.
Doesn't make a difference for me.
Our living situation is becoming frustrating.
At first, I thought we would maybe try and work things out.
We're both in individual counseling, but, I told her last weekend I wanted a divorce.
And would like her to move in with her mom, where she will inevitably
end up going, because she can't afford anything on her own yet.
She said, she's not leaving because that means she's taking
the blame for all of this.
And she refuses.
I want to keep the house, because I don't have anywhere else to
uproot as quick as she could.
And our houses at golden mind with an unfinished addition,
I'd quit working on last month.
She said, I neglected her so much, and was only committed to work.
Grad school, home projects, etc.
It's difficult for me not to lose it.
When she still continues to downplay her actions.
She says that our marriage has been a wreck for as long as she can remember,
and that she would rather be poor and feel wanted than rich and feel neglected.
I have been leaving work early and picking up our daughter more
and giving her baths at night more.
It's not that I didn't want to before.
I just worked late a lot and I just thought she'd
enjoy doing that stuff more.
I told her my mistake stayed inside.
our family, where she went outside of it, but she still refuses
to believe our mistakes were different.
I feel like I can admit I lacked in the husband department, but I don't
want to believe I wasn't a good father.
We were planning to sell our house this month and living at her mom's
while we built on property, we were supposed to buy this month too.
I was leaving for officer training in August with the air national guard.
I was supposed to take my boards exam.
The 22nd of this month, I also picked up a PT consulting job just to get some
extra money for vacation this summer.
I know I stress myself.
thin, I have always done that.
I'm only 26 and I know I've accomplished so much.
But, it honestly feels like it was all for nothing.
All of these plans are shattered and she says they were always my plans, not hers.
I tried asking her opinion on so many things and her response
was always, I don't know.
So, I always made the decisions with job changes, moving, finances, etc.
I just feel so lost in life now.
And wish I knew what the future looked like.
I still think about if it's worth sticking it out because her family
is the only family I have to.
And it's going to be very difficult to let that go on top of all the
other changes, I know deep down, it probably wouldn't work out though.
I am a planner and I try to have short-term and long-term plans.
Obviously, I know things change, but this scenario has completely
wrecked my train of thought.
And I honestly have no idea what to do with anything anymore.
One thing I don't think she understands, this is all on her.
You are not a mind reader.
One thing is, you have to have difficult conversations.
If you're not happy, it doesn't matter.
If she feels neglected, she should have let you know.
And offer suggestions, that is what married people do and communicate, her willing to
Gaslight you and not taking responsibility for her actions shows she has no empathy.
You can smack her hard and shake her out of it by serving her. Go
for 50% or more child support.
If she wants to reconcile, you can do a postnup that will reduce
any future alimony drastically.
If you're going to get hit hard, best of luck.
Quote-Unquote. That she would rather be poor and feel wanted than rich and feel neglected.
When she said that, she told you all you need to know to make an informed decision.
She told you that no matter how good you provide, how much love you give
her and your daughter, no matter how much you suffer to be a good dad
and husband, as soon as she feels neglected, she will start another affair.
If you ever have a cough or fever, she might feel neglected.
You break your bone or have to go on a working trip for a week.
She will feel neglected.
You want to go out with the boys to drink a beer.
She will feel neglected her whole behavior.
And what she says makes one thing clear.
She thinks, that the affair was the right thing to do.
Doesn't regret it and even blamed you for it.
She is already now setting herself up for the next affair.
That is also what your future will look like.
If you stay with her, you know, all you need to know to make an informed
decision, good luck and stay strong.
Sounds like you're full steam ahead and she's tagging along for the ride.
And when she doesn't like it, hops off and does her own thing, I'm sorry to say this.
She's shown you, who she really is.
The hard part is, you have to believe her.
There's no doubt.
She is gaslighting you, blame-shifting and justifying her actions, all
standard cheater stuff from the handbook, minimizing the affair.
And you know, it, the AP and her have aligned their stories.
He's even tried to throw her under the bus as she was pursuing him.
Or was she? Two adults left alone.
Don't just talk and text
I get full recover on those text messages.
There will be lots of clues about what's really been happening
based on your previous posts.
She's shown no remorse and little regret.
This will not get any better without individual counseling.
She needs to drive that, which she hasn't.
And won't, unless you push her, see how your relationship follows the same
dynamics it's going to hurt and cost$ you to get out, you could minimize it
a bit, but that would take planning, which based on your comments above, you
pushing ahead, look after yourself and your daughter and get out of infidelity.
Otherwise, it's going to suck the life out of you.
Op, if she isn't taking the full responsibility.
For the infidelity.
She never will.
Or, she will when it's too late, you're absolutely right here.
No matter what issues were going on within the marriage, there are
other ways to address those issues.
Other than cheating, all the details will work out.
You will have other plans to fill and work on those.
Now, what does life look like now for you?
You are also young.
So, use this as a learning experience and you will also know what characteristics
and others you want to avoid, because they remind you of your soon to be ex-wife.
Good luck.
Her entitlement alone makes me want to crawl up the walls.
Here's the thing.
You're going to take a hit financially, but you've got a head on your shoulders
and you will recover in a couple of years.
She would just be a bad memory.
She, on the other hand is an idiot.
Even if you gave her everything, the house, the savings, she will
still blow it all up in months.
Never forget.
You're the prize here.
Walk away.
You deserve better.
My ex wayward wife sang a similar tune, blamed me, blamed our
unhealthy marriage, etc.
The truth is, that there are many, many people out there in unhealthy marriages
with unhealthy husbands or wives.
And those people never cheat.
Why is that?
Because, they are not cheaters and many would choose to end the relationship.
Before cheating, because they are not selfish and they
actually respect their partners.
And also, there are many husbands and wives out there who have great healthy
spouses and they choose to cheat.
Why?
Because they are selfish and they don't respect their spouses.
It is a really poor defense to blame the marriage for your choice to cheat.
Next time it feels natural.
I'd bring this up and say, there are plenty of people in an unhappy,
unhealthy relationships who never cheat.
So, her cheating is still about her.
And we'll never be defensible or justifiable to anyone with half a brain.
This concludes this Reddit Relationships Cheating video.