♪ (old-school video game music) ♪
(silence)
- "Bayonetta?"
- Bayonetta 2!
- Two wasn't really gonna get made, but then Nintendo was like,
"Hey, we want exclusives.
We'll pay to make Bayonetta 2 if you make it a Wii U exclusive,"
and that's what they did.
- This is one of those characters in Super Smash Brothers
that fights and I'm like,
"I don't know who you are, but you're good."
- (Vince) In this game, you play as the title character Bayonetta,
which, with a large array of weapons and combat styles,
was on a mission to save her best friend from the gates of Hell.
- Cool. It sounds fun.
- Cool. She's a powerful witch chick going to save her friend from Hell.
Yeah, I'm ready.
- (gruffly) "In a universe of light and dark,
where perception is reality..."
- Ooh, shiny.
- Are they all frozen?
- Groin shot, perfect.
- Those, uh, Bayonetta shots-- if you know what I mean.
That's why I don't play this game.
- And they're in a-- whoa.
There's so many things happening right now. (chuckles)
Okay-- wow, this is shaking.
- It's very gothic so far.
- (narrator) The legend of Aesir... - The legend of Aesir.
- (Vince) All right, go ahead. - What do you mean, "Go ahead."
What am I supposed to-- (whimpers)
- Oh my god! What?
Wait, so it just leads right into it?
- (narrator) Nobody knows where the world came from.
- Da da da da da da!
- (narrator) A struggle caused the Trinity of Realities
to be split into three realms:
- Ooh! - (narrator) Light, darkness--
- Dang. Okay, this is pretty sick.
- (narrator) Obviously, our world was the one born from chaos.
The three worlds all needed rulers. - Okay, I got it.
(whimpering) - (narrator) Most of all, ours.
- This is so intense.
- (narrator) And the one that ruled the chaos became known as Aesir.
- I'm missing the entire plot because I'm trying just not to die.
- If I just press X and Y until it's all over,
everything will be fine... I think.
♪ (choir sings dramatically) ♪
- She looks like my mom.
- There aren't enough cool, awesome characters
with guns and swords that have glasses.
I like that!
- (Bayonetta) What?
- Oh no, it's... someone from a previous game
that I don't know because I haven't played it.
- Yeah, I have no idea what the premise of this story is.
- That was, honestly, the most intense opening ever.
It's just like, it just throws you into it.
- Wait, is this like downtown New York?
I feel like there was a scene change.
(Enzo groans)
- Oh, is that--? (Bayonetta slurps on sucker)
That's my character. She's so cool!
- (Bayonetta) You know what I need? Some heels without guns.
- So classy.
- (Bayonetta) You don't mind if we make a quick stop, do you?
- (Enzo) Do you know what day's comin' up?
If I don't get what I came for,
I'm gonna be the biggest mutt in the city!
- I just don't know why she's dressed so fancy.
I mean, if I were gonna go shopping,
I'd put on some leggings and a t-shirt.
- (Enzo) I'll never hear the fuckin' end of it.
- I mean-- ooh, who's that?
(Enzo screams) - Oh no. (gasps)
Ugh, oh. (Enzo screams)
(motorbike engine revs)
That was intense.
- I don't know who that is, but that's on my bucket list.
I want to stop on a motorcycle right before someone
and do the nose wheelie-- it's great.
- (Bayonetta) You always know how to make an entrance, Jeanne.
- That was the most cliche line.
- (Bayonetta) ... to see you in the city.
- (Jeanne) Just had something I had to look into.
- (newscaster) City police have closed off roads
to prepare for the massive influx of merry makers
expected to take in this year's festivities,
set to be headlined by a flyover from the military's aerial acrobatic team...
(jet zooms overhead)
- Hmm.
- Ohp, that's... that's not a good sign.
- (Enzo) Oh, shit!
The Platinum Stars.
- Oh, [inaudible]-- what? What's going on?
What? Whoa.
- And she just happens to be there.
- See? She's here to save the day.
- (Bayonetta) You know I try to avoid doing this in my Sunday best.
- Kick it! Oh-ho-ho-ho!
- That's not how physics works!
- And her dress is ruined,
and that is why you don't wear that kind of stuff when you go shopping.
- Okay, wha--?
- Witch time. Let's do this.
Yeah, this is witch time. Everything slows down.
(Bayonetta groans)
- This just got weirdly sexual.
(Bayonetta moans sensually)
- WHAT?! - (in game: battle cry)
- Nintendo, what?!
- (whispering) Is she naked?
Why is she naked?
- What, she can just grow clothes?
- I hate when games over-sexualize everything.
Just let her be a hero!
- Where did she get Pegasus from? Or is that the bad guy?
- (chuckling) Okay.
Dang, this game is super sexual.
- Are they trying to add the sexual notes in it
just to attract the male players that are probably playing this game?
- I'm just-- I'm in utter shock.
- "This game can also be played using touch controls."
- "Touch the enemy to deal a quick punch."
Okay. (Bayonetta grunts)
- Nice.
- I just have to touch a bunch of stuff
and then I basically killed the unicorn Pegasus.
- (grumbling) Not my style.
- Shoot!
"Fire away mid combo by touching and holding--" okay.
(Bayonetta grunts) (rapid gunfire)
- "Dodge at the last possible instant to activate Witch Time."
(Bayonetta casts spell)
- Okay. Okay, let's do this.
(Bayonetta grunts fiercely)
- Aah, oh my god! I'm, like, in this now.
Okay. Great.
- Touch and hold. Yes.
- It's not gonna let him hit me, so I don't have to worry about it.
- Give me my buttons, sir. This is an action game.
(tapping screen)
- This is stupid easy.
- This is easy.
If I just hold and press at them until I kill them,
then everything's fine.
- This is making me so happy.
Like, all pent up aggression.
(gunfire) - That was cool.
- (Bayonetta) Now it's time to be naughty. - (laughing)
♪ (Hiroshi Yamagushi, "Tomorrow Is Mine") ♪
- 'Cause it's Christmas!
- "Umbran Climax."
- "Attack enemies to build your magic gauge,
then use your built up energy to unleash amazing special attacks."
Cool.
(Bayonetta grunts)
- This is like a hardcore dirty version of that app Tap Tap Revolution.
- Tapping rapidly should not be hard.
I'm-- where do your clothes go when I do that?!
Why do they disappear?
(Bayonetta grunts)
- Skills.
(gathering energy)
- Gigaton!
(gathering energy)
- I did it. Now what?
- Oh, it's the giant guy again.
- What? Where the fuck did you come from?
- Is that girl from the beginning?
(building crumbles)
- (gasps) Oh, that thing's huge.
- Do I have to do anything now? Oh, now I have to fight again.
Whoops.
- This game is so fun!
I'm just having a bunch of fun, like, button mashing.
(blade slicing)
- You don't even need to use the analogue stick.
You just touch them and she goes over to them.
- Torture attack? (gasps) Oh my god!
I am so sorry!
- Oh, there we go. Oh, tor-- whoa-ho-ho-ho!
Ho, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That was sick.
- Okay. (button mashing)
How come they keep appearing? How many of them are there?
- Let me dodge.
(Bayonetta grunts)
What the fuck was that?
- I love this game.
The only downside is that it's too sexual.
For some people, that's a plus. For me, it's not.
- Touch the Umbran Climax.
Okay. I mean, that was cool. She had a demon eat them.
That's effective.
- Oh my god!
It's like a dragon in New York City. We're causing so much destruction.
- It's like The Avengers movie at the very end,
where everything's falling down. That's what it is.
- Touch.
- Train tracks?
It's a solid battle place.
- Ah, dodge. Oh, okay, good.
- Get away from me!
How do I even attack him? He's too big.
- This giant thing is attacking, but I'm gonna kill him first.
(Bayonetta grunts)
- What the hell was that out of her face?
(Bayonetta grunts) - Da da da da da!
- This game's crazy! I'm on a train...
and it's like everything's getting destroyed.
Like, "No, I don't care. I'm just beating this angel-demon thing."
- And there's another person? How many people do I have to kill?
- And she's survives this somehow.
Because it's all in slow motion.
- (Bayonetta) That was quick. - Witch Time?
Did you get everything?
- (Jeanne sighs) Forgot the caviar. - (stiffly) Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.
See, 'cause they're upper class people in New York.
So funny.
(explosion)
- What is that? It's like it never stops.
- (Bayonetta) Well, it's not Christmas without caviar.
- Uh, yeah it is.
There's a lot better things to eat than caviar.
- (Bayonetta) Let's finish this quickly then.
- "Let's finish this quickly." (clicks tongue) So bad ass.
- I thought he'd died, like, five times already.
(Bayonetta grunts)
- Why are there lips on his knees?
Does that mean I'm supposed to target that?
(Bayonetta grunts) - This game is so fun.
This game, I can play this for a while.
- This is one of those boss battles where it's not difficult.
It just takes forever.
- Why isn't she always with me? We're so much better when she is.
- And I still have to be pressing the right things at the right time.
Oh, I died?
I don't even know how that happened.
(Bayonetta grunts)
- The witch hunts are over? Oh no!
I died.
Why, I oughta...
(Bayonetta grunts)
- Oh, Punish.
Gotta punish. Get punished!
- I need to kill you.
- Kill him!
- This is like anime, like Dragon Ball Z, like,
"(humming)."
- I'm winning. I almost killed him.
I'm really close.
(Bayonetta grunts)
- (Bayonetta) Yeah! - Yay.
I get to keep playing.
- "Climax"?
- Yes! Yes!
Yes!
- Yay!
(Bayonetta cries out) - I beat the giant.
- Why do her clothes have to disappear?
And what is that thing?
(monster shrieks)
- Did her dress just create a black hole with a dragon in it?
- Oh, aaah. (button mashing)
- This is awesome. This is great.
Ten outta ten. Mmm. Good job.
Beautiful.
- How nice. I've always wanted a pet dragon.
(sucking air through teeth)
- (sharp sigh) This is never ending.
- (Bayonetta) Cereza!
(Jeanne grunts) - (gasps) No!
Oh no, her spirit-body.
- Do they have, like, ghost forms of themselves?
- She's, like, getting pulled to Hell!
(Jeanne shrieks)
- (gasps) No!
- (Bayonetta) Jeanne!! - No!
No! We didn't have our caviar party.
- (Bayonetta) I'm not one for pets who don't listen to their masters.
- Now we have to fight this.
- Why am I fighting my pet dragon?
- He needs an orthodontist, stat.
It looks really pretty and interesting, and the story seems cool,
but the game itself just isn't fun to play.
- Dang, this is so sick! This is so sick!
This is just the intro.
If the rest of this game is half this awesome, then oh-- like, ah.
♪ (choir sings dramatically) ♪
- Listen, dragon. You need to chill.
- I feel mean for killing my pet, but it, like, sucked my friend into Hell
and that's not forgivable.
No, don't suck me in too!
(Bayonetta grunts)
- I don't know what I'm hitting, but I'm hitting it.
- He's almost dead. (Bayonetta grunts)
(tapping) Yes.
(monster shrieks) Whoa.
- Okay, touch. (monster shrieks)
Oh, this is pretty epic.
- It's so sick.
Yeah, I should probably buy this game.
(Bayonetta cries out) - She-- her hair again?!
- Taking my clothes off again so I can destroy it with my clothes.
- Even when her best friend is in Hell, she still looks so smug.
- Oh, did she activate another demon to take care of this demon?
- I killed my dragon.
(roaring)
- That's a duex ex machina if I've ever seen one.
- But now she has to go save her friend, Jeanne, right,
or (heavy accent) Jeanne?
- And there's me. (rain falls)
(gasps) She's back!
- Wait, did-- okay, that's just the friend's body though.
- (Vince) And that's it for today. - That's it?
- It was repetitive. It didn't have a good tone.
It was kind of cheesy.
And it was just kind of stupid overall.
- Lewd for a Nintendo game.
Language for a Nintendo game.
It says Nintendo, but I don't wanna believe this is a Nintendo game.
- I would say, overall, I liked it more than I disliked it.
I liked how there's a girl action figure,
even if she sometimes is sexualized.
But, I mean, you win some, you lose some.
- Props to Nintendo for making this happen.
This is a solid game right here. This is a solid game.
- Thanks for watching Gaming on the React channel.
- Button mash that Like button.
- What should we play next? Let us know in the comments.
- Subscribe or my hair dragon's gonna kill you, I guess.
- "Bye-yonetta."
Okay, I gotta leave before I even forget how bad of a pun that was.
♪ (old-school video game music) ♪