-Hi there, in today's video, we're going to explore
how to make a man feel safe in relationship.
[music]
Welcome back. Mat Schaffer, your connection,
empowerment and relationship coach here.
I love supporting women in creating more fulfilling,
dynamic connected relationships with themselves, and also with men.
Today, we're going to talk about how to really help a man feel safe
and connected in a relationship.
It's something that I get asked about a lot on my YouTube channel
and a lot by my clients.
I'm excited to dive into it with you.
Before we do, take a second, hit that little subscribe button.
I'm uploading new content every week and you're going to want to know
when it happens.
Let's unpack this and I want to start by making a pretty bold statement
that both men and women need to feel safe in relationship.
I know a lot of what you've probably heard out there and what you've read out there
is that women are the ones that need to feel safe, right?
That women need physical safety from men, they need men
to provide that physical container and create that safety for them
to be in their emotions.
Here's the interesting thing is that just as women crave
and desire physical safety and a container for them to express their emotions,
the biggest way that you can actually create deep connection
with a man is by providing him with a container for him
to be emotionally safe, for him to be vulnerable,
for him to drop his guards and share his fears.
So many men have been told and conditioned that accessing
and sharing their feelings is weakness.
For them, it's a very scary thing, the possibility of being vulnerable,
of sharing what's in their heart, and most importantly,
talking about what they're afraid of.
That's actually a very difficult thing for a lot of men to do.
Men are either consciously or subconsciously,
are craving that from women.
Your man at some level, he's craving that sense of safety,
he's craving a space where he can drop his walls and he can be emotionally
vulnerable with you and share those parts of himself,
those feelings, those fears,
those emotions that he can't share with his guys.
A man has people in his life, right?
He's got buddies that he can talk to about lots of stuff,
he can talk to them maybe about the relationship things,
he can talk to them about work stuff, but those deep feelings,
men either are unwilling or unable to talk about it with their buddies.
You, as a woman,
you get to be an example of emotional agency.
Here's what we get to do
in order to create that feeling of safety for a man.
In order to allow him to feel your a space and that your relationship
is the container where he can be vulnerable,
you get to lead the way.
I talk about this a lot when I talked about a woman,
being the emotional and communicative conductor in a relationship.
This is one of the greatest ways that you can foster that sense
of emotional safety in him.
You get to lead the way and be the conductor for him in terms
of feelings and create this safe space by being vulnerable yourself.
You give him permission to drop his walls and be emotionally vulnerable with you
by you leading the way and you being emotionally vulnerable with him.
Share your feelings, share your fears in a gentle,
loving and open way and help him see that you're willing to do it.
Then ask him, right? Ask him how he's feeling.
Elicit those responses from him,
get him to look at them because there's a good chance
that nobody really asks him how he's doing.
Nobody really asks him how he's feeling.
They only ask about what he's been up to,
they ask him about the actions of his life,
they ask him about the results of his life,
and they don't take the time to really dig in
and have him reflect on his feelings.
Men, for the most part, unless they're actively doing inner work,
they're not going to be reflecting on their feelings,
inquiring about their own feelings or trying to observe and understand
their own feelings.
There's a huge opportunity for you to develop deeper connection
with your man by leading the way
with your own vulnerability in your own openness,
in your own heart-centered style of communication.
Then, asking him questions to help get the same from him,
help draw it out of him, help evoke these feelings
and his reflection from him.
If you can do that in a loving and inviting way,
you're going to help him feel safe.
Safe to share his emotions because you want to know them.
Not only is the space safe,
but you genuinely are desiring those thoughts and feelings from him,
because that's another thing men can do.
They'll talk themselves out of sharing their feelings because they don't think
anybody cares about their feelings, right?
People only care about what a man is doing,
what a man's creating, and what his legacy is or whatever.
Recognize that in your power
to be the emotional and communicative conductor,
in your ability to make a man feel safe emotionally,
you have a huge opportunity to deepen your connection with him and help him
access parts of himself and create a new understanding for himself
that he might not otherwise ever do.
To bring this all home in a nutshell,
men are craving emotional and communicative safety from you,
the way that you're craving physical safety and stability from them.
If you can lead the way and demonstrate what it means to be emotionally
and communicatively vulnerable and then help them feel
that you actually want to hear about their feelings,
you will help them drop these walls they've got around their heart
and drop these walls they've got around that anybody wants
to hear what they have to say, and they'll actually start to open up,
they'll start to feel safe, and they'll start to share with you
those deepest things in their hearts, right?
Then, once they do that,
you will created a deeper level of connection, a deeper level of intimacy,
and it'll be profoundly healing for both of you.
I hope this resonated with you.
If it did, take a second, hit that little subscribe button,
and I will see you next time on my YouTube channel.
Bye-bye.