( APPLAUSE )
EVERYBODY.
IF YOU'RE JUST JOINING US, WE ARE TANK OUR ONGOING COVERAGE OF
2021'S "SEXIEST MAN ALIVE."
WHEN WE LEFT OFF, PAUL RUDD PROVED HE HAD THE MIND TO BE
SEXY.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE THING HE CARRIES HIS MIND AROUND IN-- HIS
BODY.
JIM?
>> Stephen: STEP TWO WAS BRING PAUL RUDD INTO "THE LATE SHOW'S"
SEXINESS LAB FOR A FULL RUNDOWN.
AGE?
>> 52.
( LAUGHS ) >> Stephen: SENSE OF HUMOR.
VERY SEXY.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO AN ORAL EXAM.
SEE WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WHEN YOU PUT ONE FINGER IN YOUR MOUTH.
TWO FINGERS?
( LAUGHTER )
THERE?
( LAUGHTER )
OKAY.
YEAH, I UNDERSTAND.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: OKAY, LET ME CHECK OUT THOSE EYES, OKAY?
ALL RIGHT?
PICK A SPOT ON THE WALL.
OKAY.
MHM, MHM, MHM.
YEAH, THOSE ARE DREAMY.
THOSE ARE DREAMY.
WELL, PAUL, I THINK YOU MIGHT NEED GLASSES.
>> REALLY?
IS MY VISION BAD?
>> Stephen: NO, I JUST THINK THEY MIGHT BE SEXY.
HERE, TRY THESE ON.
WOW, WOW.
I REALLY WISH I COULD SEE YOU RIGHT NOW.
MAY I?
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: MHM.
YEAH, OH, YEAH.
YEAH, OPE-- YEAH, YOU DO SEEM SMARTER.
THAT IS SEXY >> Stephen: PAUL WAS CLEARLY IN
GOOD PHYSICAL SHAPE, BUT DID HE HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE BEST IN
BREED?
ALL RIGHT, HOP UP.
UP, UP, UP, UP, UP.
PACE, PACE, PACE.
THAT'S GOOD.
ALL RIGHT.
SIT PROUD.
CHIN UP.
OKAY, HAUNCHES, HAUNCHES.
HAUNCHES.
BACK, BACK.
THAT'S GOOD.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S CHECK THOSE TEETH AND GUMS.
THERE YOU GO.
OKAY, LET'S CHECK YOUR COAT.
LET'S CHECK YOUR COAT.
THAT'S GOOD.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
AND... GOOD.
ALL RIGHT, AND ARMS.
AND THAT'S GOOD.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.
THAT'S GOOD.
AND LEGS, AND LEGS.
AND HOLD IT.
THAT'S GOOD.
ALL RIGHT.
SHAKE IT SEXY.
GOOD BOY.
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S GOOD, ALL RIGHT.
LEAVE IT.
WAIT.
EYES.
OKAY.
THAT'S GOOD.
COME ON, BACK IT UP.
BACK IT, BACK IT, BACK IT UP.
BACK IT UP LIKE A TONKA TRUCK.
OKAY.
SHOW ME THE BADONKADONK.
GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
FOLLOW ME.
BACK IT UP.
WHO'S A SEXY BOY?
>> ME!
PAUL WAS A SEXY BOY.
BUT IT WAS TIME TO SEE IF HIS SEXINESS COULD SHOW UP ON CAMERA
WITH A SEDUCTIVE PHOTOSHOOT.
TRY TO IMAGINE DRILLING AND SCREWING AS A METAPHOR FOR SEX.
THAT'S IT.
TURN ON.
TURN IT ON.
IF YOU CAN'T TURN THE SANDER ON, YOU CAN'T TURN PEOPLE ON.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE METAPHOR?
>> YEAH, I DO.
>> Stephen: CAN YOU HIT THAT NOTE?
AH, I'M UP HERE!
HARMONIZE WITH IT!
>> AH!
>> Stephen: AH!
THAT'S IT, YES!
YES.
>> Stephen: ANYONE CAN MAKE CONSTRUCTION WORKER LOOK SEXY.
SO I GAVE PAUL A REAL CHALLENGE.
YOU'RE A MONK.
SAY SOMETHING SEXY.
NO, YOU HAVE A VOW OF SILENCE, DON'T MAKE ANY NOISE.
DANCE FOR THE LORD.
♪ ♪ ♪ STROKE THE ROPE.
THAT'S IT.
FIGHT-- FIGHT THE ROPE.
FIGHT THE ROPE, LOSE, LOSE, LOSE.
MAKE FRIENDS WITH THE ROPE.
APOLOGIZE.
KISS THE ROPE.
KISS IT.
♪ ♪ ♪ AND KNEEL, AND KNEEL.
CRY, BUT NOT WITH YOUR EYES.
EVERYWHERE ELSE BUT YOUR EYES.
YOUR EYES ARE STILL HAPPY.
EVERYTHING ELSE IS SAD.
YOUR BODY'S SAD, FACE IS HAPPY.
ONE HALF OF YOUR MOUTH IS SAD.
TOP'S SAD, BOTTOM'S HAPPY.
FINALLY, PAUL HAD TO LAND THE SEXIEST LOOK OF ALL-- THE
SLOW-MOTION WATER SHOT.
OVER THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD, LET IT POUR DOWN YOUR FACE.
AND THEN JUST WHISPER, "HELP ME I'M DROWNING."
>> HELP ME-- HELP ME.
I'M DROWNING.
IT'S COLD.
>> Stephen: WHAT ARE YOU DROWNING IN?
>> COLD WATER.
>> Stephen: NO, SEXINESS.
>> SEXY WATER.
>> Stephen: LOOK AT ME AND SAY, "HELP ME.
I'M DROWNING IN SEXINESS."
>> HELP ME.
I'M DROWNING IN S-SEX-SEXINESS.
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT.
>> SEXINESS.
>> Stephen: LOOK AT ME.
RIGHT OVER HERE.
OKAY.
>> HELP ME.
I'M DROWNING IN SEXINESS.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: LOOK UP.
OKAY.
YOU GOTTA WANT IT.
DON'T YOU WANT IT?
>> I WANT IT.
DO YOU WANT IT?
>> I WANT IT.
>> Stephen: PUT YOUR HEAD IN THE WATER AND STOP BREATHING.
>> Stephen: AND WITH THAT, THE TEST WAS COMPLETE, AND THE
SCIENCE WAS IN.
PAUL, SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING.
UH, I JUST GOT THE RESULTS BACK FROM THE LAB AND UM...
LOOK, THERE'S NO EASY WAY TO SAY THIS.
YOU TESTED NEGATIVE FOR SEXY.
I'M SORRY.
>> I'M NOT SURPRISED.
IT'S OKAY.
I GET IT.
MAKES SENSE.
UM, I APPRECIATE YOU FOR JUST GIVING ME A SHOT, HONESTLY.
AND, UH, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.
I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING WHO YOU PICK, BECAUSE I KNOW IT'S JUST
GOING TO BE GREAT.
>> Stephen: THANKS, PAUL.
>> THANK YOU.
WHY ARE YOU SLOW CLAPPING?
WHY ARE YOU ALL SLOW CLAPPING?
WHY ARE YOU SPEEDING UP?
>> Stephen: DON'T YOU SEE, PAUL?
THERE'S NOTHING SEXIER THAN HUMILITY!
THAT WAS THE LAST TEST!
AND YOU PASSED, PAUL.
YOU PASSED!
>> WAIT, YOU MEAN THAT...
>> Stephen: YOU'RE SEXY!
>> I'M... I'M SEXY?
>> Stephen: PAUL, YOU'RE THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE!
>> I'M THE SEXIET MAN ALIVE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HELP ME.
GET HIM UP.
>> I'M SEXY.
I'M THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE?
>> Stephen: YOU'RE THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE!
>> I'M THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS TO PAUL RUDD ON OFFICIALLY-- AND
THIS IS TRUE-- BEING NAMED "PEOPLE" MAGAZINE'S "SEXIEST MAN
ALIVE 2021"!
AND I AM HONORED TO GIVE THE EXCLUSIVE PREMIERE OF PAUL
RUDD'S "SEXIEST MAN ALIVE" COVER.
TAKE A LOOK!
THERE YOU GO!
FOR MORE INFORMATION, GO TO people.com.
AND YOU CAN PICK UP THIS WEEK'S "EXIEST MAN ALIVE" ISSUE ON
NEWSSTANDS THIS FRIDAY!
OR PICK UP THIS LIMITED EDITION COVER I WILL BE SELLING IN THE
ALLEY BEHIND THE THEATER AFTER THE SHOW.
OUR THANKS TO PAUL RUDD.
SEE MORE OF HIM AND HIS SEXINESS WHEN HE'S A GUEST ON "THE LATE
SHOW" THIS COMING MONDAY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SEXY RUNNER-UP QUENTIN TARANTINO!
PAUL RUDD IS "THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE"!
♪ ♪ ♪