moving out is one of the most exciting
milestones of any young person's life if
you define young as roughly under 30 and
from the moment you start looking for
your own place right up until you start
living off microwave noodles and Lucky
Charms
the entire process is filled with
unexpected things that no one has ever
told you about what they really should
have so the first thing that happens
obviously is deciding to move out
because in this day and age if your
parents decide to kick you out it's
honestly like throwing a baby bird out
of the nest when it's still an egg we're
like releasing a domestic rabbit
straight into the wok of a Chinese
restaurant
so then assuming you're personally ready
to take the leap the next thing you say
to yourself is alright do I want a
roommate or not and of course you don't
but check with your savings account
because it's the one that calls all the
shots in this relationship
now once you deal with that hurdle we
start getting to the exciting part which
is looking at places to move to so open
up Craigslist and using their
interactive map that shows you nearby
listings you can start looking at places
in the most expensive parts of town and
then gradually lower your standards as
you come to grips with reality then when
you finally find a place that you'll
settle for it you have to send a message
to the owners and hope they'll also
settle for you now a lot of people see a
place they really like but tell
themselves there's no way I'd qualify
it's probably gone already it's too
expensive and the owners would never
lower the rent for me so they aim too
low and end up dissatisfied so when it
comes to contacting different owners or
landlords you really need to think of
the whole situation like dating and just
like when you're into someone but are
too afraid to ask them out remind
yourself that you're never going to see
that person again and you have nothing
to lose except all your self-esteem now
an important thing to keep in mind if
you get interviewed or have to fill in a
detailed application is not to overthink
the dumb questions do you play drums
just say no do you have many parties
just say no do you have a lot of loud
sex down ones self-evident the questions
are as blunt as you think they are it's
not some personality quiz you should
treat it like a part of the customs form
at the airport that asks you have you
been involved with a terrorist
organization in the last seven years
don't start thinking well technically
it's only been six years and eight
months it's a trick just put no this all
ties back to my golden rule if you're a
terrorist don't say you are so if you do
get lucky enough that they're still
interested in you despite your lack of
the property owners they're gonna ask
for a letter of recommendation from your
previous landlord so tell them no
problem I'll ask my mom they're gonna
love that and then they might also ask
for a reference from your employer so I
like to link my YouTube channel and hope
for the best so far the best has never
happened now assuming the landlord has
for some reason chosen you is the most
qualified person for their unit it's
time to sign on the dotted line and as
you struggle to write your name cursive
Li for the first time you can quietly
reassure yourself that you're an adult
as we flash forward a couple weeks later
when it comes time to move in if you
have roommates that's great because they
can help you move all your stuff as in
your computer so once you stock up on
the essentials and it's actually
liveable after only a few days you'll
notice there are million things that are
going to happen that you didn't expect
like getting calls from your parents
where they sound suspiciously happy
there's also a ton of things you have to
learn that they never taught you in
school like how to stop the government
from taking away your electricity and
avoiding starvation if you live with a
roommate you have to constantly deal
with their [ __ ] them not doing the
dishes not putting away their clothes
internet usage spikes at 1:00 a.m. or
whenever they take a shower for some
reason you pretend to not understand and
of course having to deal with neighbors
who get way more sex than you but on the
other hand if you live by yourself you
have to constantly deal with your own
self sabotage because no one can hold
you accountable for anything like when
you first move in you're thinking oh man
I'm gonna keep this place spick-and-span
have my friends over every weekend host
a cocktail night for my family learn to
cook take an hour every evening before
bed to read and relax but three months
later you'll be lying on an uncovered
mattress of three again listening to
your neighbors try to save their
marriage and wondering how long it would
take for someone to notice if you didn't
wake up
finally a month or two later you'll get
hit with your first bills water heat
electricity internet phone Netflix and
more rent this is the price you pay for
growing up but don't worry we all regret
it the good news is you only have to
deal with it for around 60 more years
and by then maybe you'll even have your
own kids who will still live with you
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you