Houston come in this is Lunar Gateway come in Houston... no reply just like every
other time I throw the receiver in disgust the weightless environment
causing it to float mockingly in front of my face at the end of the retention
strap I am bathed in the soft red glow of
emergency lights that serve to illuminate every inch of my tiny cell I
take a deep breath to calm my nerves before returning to fiddle at the
maintenance panel I've been in here for two weeks now. This station was designed
as the successor to the other space stations like the famous ISS but since
the the orbiting of the ISS humanity had trouble coming up with another similar
mission the main goal for this station was to take us closer to the moon it was
meant to serve as a solar-powered communications hub Science Laboratory
short-term habitation module and hold an area for Rovers and other robots we
build it so that one day we could not just build a lunar settlements but to
create an easy way for us to go to Mars fuel-efficient fast not dependent on
weather conditions on earth or costs of rockets typically there is a minimum to
crew on board at any one time but we were ensure it was ready to host humans
just yet I was supposed to be out of here three weeks ago with the British
and the Chinese astronauts they came here with me but unfortunately the
replacement had some mechanical complications and then the nasty weather
in Moscow delayed the launch by another week even so they should have been here
days ago are you sure you'll be all right here by yourself mate sure
somebody's gotta keep the lights on besides the Russkies will be here soon
just have a drink for me when you get landside okay
or expect I'll have two. Godspeed I was ready to spend seven to ten days
by myself on the station waiting for the Russians to get their act together and get
me my ride home I'd done some time an isolation chamber
before especially during my training so I kind of knew how to handle being stuck
in a confined space with myself the trick is usually not to listen to
the voices the voices can drive you crazy
this station itself isn't roomy but it has five different modular compartments
more than enough space for one person not to feel enclosed even better every
module except for the emergency cell has specially reinforced portholes providing
a magnificent view of the earth on the one side and the moon on the other and
it was really these photos of the breathtaking panoramas that had first
driven me to join the NASA program this was 20 years ago
so what better way is there to spend a week than by gazing at the world in all
of its glory since our planned experiments were
complete other than the basic maintenance that's exactly what I spent
the first several days doing and honestly I could lose myself for hours
watching the dark gray field of the moon below me the fields which once in a
while would break open with the view of our beautiful blue ball I remember
seeing the images of the so-called earthrise from the Apollo missions and this
alone was enough for me to want to one day become an astronaut these images
though taken long before my time were inspirational beautiful majestic I would
never believe it back then that one day I would experience the same being the
so-called loneliest man in the world as it was referred to back then when
Michael Collins on the Apollo 11 mission was left to be the sole member of the
Apollo capsule as the other astronauts landed on the moon he did not see it as
being lonely he saw it as been alone together with the universe I always
wondered how I'd feel about this as well and in some sense it did feel the same
until that one day when the event occurred five days into my lonely vigil
I had been roughly awoken by a blaring alarm Houston was trying to reach me and
they needed me now what's going on Houston lunar station we're having some
weird readings satellites registered some sort
of an anomaly we're just now picking it up don't know if it's a solar flare or
some kind of a field left behind by a passing comet or something else we'll
get back to you we'll be moving into the area within the hour there is no telling
how the systems and the stations are going to respond so it'd be best if you
buttoned up in the emergency cell until we're through we'll let you know when to
get out how long would that be currently we don't know but we'll be in touch it
was a good advice alarm started blazing almost exactly 60 minutes later and
abruptly whole section of the station instrument panels started shutting down
I was able to keep track of everything that was going on from the master
controls in the emergency cells so I knew exactly when power to the station
completely cut out there was a tense 5 to 10 seconds before the emergency
batteries kicked in and then with a soft whine they powered up the red lights
I'd been basking in ever since I paused my work at the maintenance panel for the
thousandth time I take out a photo of my wife and daughter they're both smiling
holding each other close are you going to space again daddy yes honey but not
for long this time but I don't want you to go don't worry I'll be back before
you know it the emergency batteries are designed to provide minimal function
pretty much just the life support and basic communications I should in theory
be able to receive any transmissions from Houston theoretically they should
also last long enough that I'll have to be more concerned with running out of
food and recycled water before worrying if they're going to run dry but I'm
blind and deaf in here the communications are very rudimentary
designed to run on almost no power so it's a small wonder I haven't been able
to reach Houston I have to do something I can't even see outside the emergency
cell was designed specifically without any kind of a viewport with walls thick
enough to survive any cosmic radiation the walls are starting to close in
though I can feel it in a cell that small there is not much room
to shrink at least the voices are not here yet I don't hear anything
but as I was always told the trick is to always avoid them don't listen to them
in here there's nowhere to run though nothing to distract my mind the main
system is powered by exterior solar panels this system has been tested and
retested to automatically restart in the event of catastrophic failure but when
it actually counted something stopped the reset after a day or two I decided
to take matters into my own hands I tried to pop the cover of the
maintenance panel after two weeks I've gotten exactly zero response for my
efforts it wouldn't budge as I put the photo of my family back in my pocket the
fear and unfairness of it all momentarily got the better of me damn it I was
supposed to be home weeks ago in frustration I hit the communications
panel as hard as I could with my open hand amazingly that did the trick with a
click and a whirl the red lights shifted to white and the instrument panel began
powering up to the fully operational state ecstatic I threw myself across the
cell to the communications array Houston Houston come in this is the lunar
gateway Houston can you hear me I tried the line for 20 minutes there
was no response what the hell is going on
A gnawing pit was growing in the base of my stomach while the system was down I
could make excuses for the radio silence but now what's happening
and even though before the lack of communication kept my panic from setting
in now I didn't know what to feel I had to get out of this stupid cell I may not
be able to talk to the people on earth but at least I can watch them if I
imagine hard enough maybe I'll see my little girl coming from behind the moon
with every earthrise look in to the skies to see if she can spy the station
as it passes close to the moon I unseal the airlock and move to the next module
being able to move out of this cell made me feel overjoyed I even laughed to
myself maybe I'll be able to see my replacement shuttle docking right
I peered through the viewport then frantically I moved from module to
module looking through each porthole in turn that pit that was growing inside my
stomach was growing even deeper with each passing moment listen Ian she
doesn't want you to go she's a kid of course she doesn't want me to go but I
don't want you to go either I know but but I know you will anyway and I won't
stop you I love you babe I love you too always and forever it takes the
station's computer two hours to analyze our position it keeps looking for those
familiar stars and pulsars that we've always used for decades to triangulate
where we are it fails two hours pass it fails again in my gut
I had already known something is up I'd known when I looked through the viewport
and did not see the big beautiful earth shining at me or the gray lunar fields
below me that I'm so used to by now just the dark empty blackness of space filled
by only a few lonely stars stars that I wasn't really familiar with something
was odd with the rest of the galaxy it was off way off as if the time and space
froze around the station while the rest of the universe continued expanding and
moving away in that moment everything became clear
I knew I could never go back I knew I was the loneliest man in the universe
I'm sorry Elin I'm sorry I can't come back