Hey everybody. Happy Thursday, and if you think I sound funny, it's because cause I do
Because I'm fighting a cold, I'm horribly congested, but I'm winning.
I'm getting better, and I'm feeling better every day. So, thank you for all the well wishes
A lot of you sent those over, and that was really sweet
But let's get into today's question cause it's a good one.
And the question is: How do I not get so overwhelmed and anxious at parties?
I thought that was a good question, especially because the holidays are upon us
parties and events are happening,
and we want to be able to participate and not feel like shit.
Am I right?
So the advice I have is pretty simple but it's often things that we forget
And the first is: check your expectation
I know that I am just as guilty as many of you that I have high expectations for things
I'll think: I really want to go to this party, I want it to be the best party ever
I want to see all my friends that I haven't seen, we're going to have such a good time.
Slow your roll
Slow it down
Think about how parties have gone for you in the past and situations
And notice what your expectation is for this party
I know this sounds really ridiculous, but sometimes it helps to say
If I can stay for 45 minutes
It's a success
And then if we leave after an hour, we're like, "Hey, I stayed so much longer than I thought I stayed."
We'll actually feel good about it
Versus what happens for many of us when we feel anxious or overwhelmed
Is that we feel bad and we talk negatively to ourselves
Like, "Wow, you're such a loser, you couldn't even stay."
Let's not get into that
If we set our expectations at a relatively reasonable level
then we're more than likely to succeed them
we're going to excel past them and we're going to be able to have a good time
And we won't be so worried about it being "perfect" or us having the best time of our lives.
And the second tip is preparing ahead.
I know I say this all the time, but it's so important
and maybe it's because my focus in my therapy is CBT
but I do a lot of planning. I do a lot of routing work with clients
I do a lot of things to structure our days and experiences so that we are prepared
So make sure that before you go to the party
you do some deep breathing
Maybe you do meditation
Maybe you even call a friend when you're on your way to the party
to help you along and help you calm down
Maybe you make sure you get to the party a little bit early
You can sit in your car, you can do your breathing
You can park up the block so nobody sees you
And you can do some things to help calm yourself down
And then, also have planned in some tools
Maybe when I'm at the party I take a break and go to the bathroom
and I sit and breathe for a minute
or, if I get to anxious having to stand around and talk to people
I ask my friend that's hosting
"Hey, can I help you in the kitchen cutting?"
"It helps me to keep my hands busy and feel like I'm helping."
Everybody who hosts a party, this lady included, loves when people want to help
So set up some things ahead of time so that you feel more prepared when you get there.
My third tip: Bring a support
Ask if you can bring a guest.
Almost everybody who's hosting a party allows someone to bring at least one guest
Bring someone who understands
who you can talk to
If you get anxious and overwhelmed because there's so many people
and you don't know what to say and you feel really awkward
so you find yourself in the corner hanging out
bring someone who you can talk to about everyday, regular stuff
who you talk to all the time
who you feel super comfortable with
I have to be honest. Having Sean around is great
because when I go to events where I don't know anybody
I know he's always there and we can shoot the shit while we go and meet other people
and chat with them, and there's no pressure to keep talking to someone
That is a huge relief
So allow yourself that relief.
Bring someone who's supportive, who understands what's going on
and who can guide you through this stressful situation
The fourth is know that it's ok to not go.
If parties are just a shit show for you right now
and you don't feel well, and you end up leaving them worse
and it's really hard on your mental health
maybe it's not a good time to go
maybe have smaller gatherings with friends that are closes to you that you feel comfortable with
Maybe you're the one that hosts a party this year
so that you're more in control of who's there, how long it lasts, and etcetera, etcetera
There are a lot of things we can do to kind of take the control back
from another situation and know that we don't have to go to everything
We don't have to be completely participative in everything this holiday
It's ok to say, "Hey, I'm just having a hard time right now. I won't make it this year."
Or, "Hey, I just got sick."
It happens during the holidays. Holiday stress, ha ha
[sped up] Holiday stress, ha ha
[slowed down] Holiday stress, ha ha
Whatever you need to do to get out of it
That's completely ok
There's no pressure to be perfect, to show up for everything
and to be super social if that's not where you're at right now
And the fifth and final tip, and I know you knew this was coming
is self-care
but when it comes to this
the self-care not only means planning ahead and all of that stuff
but it also means not overbooking yourself
I know the holidays are stressful and I know that there's a lot going on
Make sure you give yourself time to do the things you need
while working in days that you don't have to do anything
moments where you can sit by yourself and you don't have to talk to anybody
Any of that
Make sure that you set aside time to do the things that are important to you
so that you can keep your regular ritual/schedule so that you feel more at ease
Being off-kilter, having things happening when we're not used to having them happen
can make us all feel anxious and a little bit overwhelmed
But as long as we don't fill our plate too full with too many social activities and things going on
then we won't feel so bad
Part of that can be prioritizing as well
Which parties are the most important?
Which friends are you the closest to?
Which ones do you feel that you really have to go to?
Put those in first and then book in your down time.
And then maybe fill in with the other things you can kind of take it or leave it
That way, you're not so overwhelmed, and you don't end up feeling so anxious and stressed out
I hope you found these helpful
I know the holidays can be extremely stressful
and for many of us they're overwhelming
That's why we get sick and stuff like that
So make sure you're taking care of yourself
And also in the comments, share what's helped you
And if you like videos like this, give it a thumbs up
And I will see you next time. Bye!
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Gotta start over, sorry