- Love bombing.
I've been seen so much about this lately
on YouTube and TikTok,
so I had to make a video all about it.
Now, I'm going to talk you through what love bombing is,
five signs it may be happening to you,
and how it's connected to narcissism.
So stay tuned, this is a very important video.
Let's start with what love bombing is.
Love bombing is a form of manipulation,
where the manipulator will use attention, affection,
and adoration as a way of getting us to do what they want.
They may give us expensive gifts,
take us on amazing trips or experiences,
and wanna see us all the time.
Early on in a relationship, this can feel amazing.
We can think we finally found our soulmate
and the connection is just effortless.
They will constantly compliment us,
making it hard for us to see any other red flags,
because we just feel so good when we're around them.
This is why we call it a love bomb.
It literally drops a bomb on our life
and we can't see through their smoke screen.
They want us to think they are perfect
and the relationship is exactly what we want.
So when does the manipulator love bomb?
Love bombing commonly happens when we first enter into
a relationship with a narcissist,
although it's not exclusive to those
with narcissistic personality disorder
it can also be part of histrionic personality disorder,
the cycle of abuse.
Love bombing is also commonly used in cults
and religious organizations, gangs, sex trafficking,
and in other toxic and harmful relationships.
It works because everyone wants to be appreciated, loved,
and shown affection,
and the manipulator or narcissist knows this.
If someone is overtly mean or hurtful, we take notice,
get defensive,
or possibly stop talking to them altogether,
you know, think fight, flight, freeze.
But when someone is too nice, we aren't always as aware.
We can think that they are just excited to get to know us,
or that this relationship is just different
from any other we've had, because this may be the one.
If we have been in a toxic relationship
where love bombing has happened,
we can be left feeling scattered, overwhelmed,
and even struggling to sleep.
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Now let's get back into what love bombing is.
But let it be known,
love bombing is not just exclusive to intimate partners.
I will say it again.
Love bombing can happen with any relationship in life.
This can often happen in friendships.
It's not just romantic relationships.
Let me tell you a story about my own experience with this.
I personally experienced this
with a friend of mine years ago,
and while it felt good to get complimented and spoiled,
it also felt strange and uncomfortable at times.
But I couldn't really,
I couldn't like put my finger on why.
And when it finally ended,
because I frankly just wasn't as available
as she wanted me to be, like all the time,
and I was removed from the situation,
then I could see it for what it was, love bombing.
Love bombing and psychology.
It's also important to know that true love bombing,
according to psychologist, Dale Archer,
follows this acronym, IDD,
which stands for intense idealization,
devaluation, and discard,
meaning that after they shower us with love and attention,
they expect us to only have time and affection for them.
If they see us caring for someone else like our family,
or even another friend,
they can begin acting in passive aggressive ways,
call us selfish and disrespectful,
and lash out in intense anger.
If we still don't do exactly as they want,
they will continue to devalue us.
And this can be done through giving us the silent treatment,
shouting at us every chance they get,
or trying to manipulate us into feeling bad for them.
And it can even include physical violence.
If we still don't change and give them everything they want
at all times,
they can discard us and move on to another target
to go through the whole cycle again.
I can see this happening when we're in relationships
with someone who has borderline personality disorder,
because it sounds a lot like splitting to me,
which, if you don't know,
splitting is when we can see people as all good or all bad.
There is no middle ground,
which I think we can all agree is where most of us live.
But can you see other scenarios or types of people
that this could apply to,
or have you experienced this yourself?
Please let me know in those comments down below.
I know early on in relationships,
we can all be excited about our new partner.
We wanna talk to them all the time
and offer regular compliments.
So how do we tell when it's healthy excitement
for a new relationship, and when it's love bombing?
I'm so glad that you asked.
Let's get into the five red flags to look out for.
Number one, excessive gift giving.
When we are first getting to know someone,
it's normal to take them out to dinner,
or get them a small gift here and there,
but it's not customary
to buy them anything expensive or extravagant.
We don't plan fancy trips
or buy them lavish clothes or accessories.
So if someone you recently met wants
to buy you expensive items
or insists on always picking up the tab
and going to extravagant places,
that could be a sign of love bombing.
Number two, they want to be with you 24/7.
When we are being love bombed,
they can't seem to spend enough time with us.
They will call, text, and wanna hang out all of the time.
If we aren't available for this constant contact,
they can push for us to change that,
saying that they just need to be with us
and they will lay on the compliments all along the way
saying things like, "I just can't get enough of you,"
or, "You're the only reason I get up in the morning."
Number three, pushing for a quick commitment.
When we are being loved bombed,
they want us to quickly give them all
of our time and attention.
They will say, "I love you,"
when we've only known them for a few weeks,
or bring us to meet their parents
or other important people right away.
They may even push for us to move in together
when we've only just started dating or being friends.
Everything will feel like it's moving quickly.
And it can be hard to notice
when we're being simultaneously bombarded
with attention and compliments.
So this red flag may be something that our other friends
or family will speak up to us about.
And if they do, we should listen.
Healthy relationships take time to build
and we should be able to get to know each other
over various experiences and situations.
Number four, isolating us from friends and family.
This happens in almost all abusive
or manipulative relationships,
because they won't be able to get us to do their bidding
if we have other people looking out for us.
having other loved ones actively in our lives means
that they will notice the fast pace of the relationship,
excessive gift giving, or attention,
and they will most likely say something.
If we are isolated,
the love bombing is more effective,
not to mention that then we can feel like they are all
that we have, or the only person who truly cares about us.
It really just makes us more vulnerable
to their manipulation.
Number five, they become offended by healthy boundaries.
If we aren't available when they want,
they can try to lay on the guilt,
tempt us with more gifts or expensive experiences,
and compliment us until we give in.
Let's say they text us,
just checking in or asking us a question.
If we don't reply quickly, let's say,
I don't know, like 30 minutes or so,
they can tell us that they feel like we don't care
and how all they wanna do all day is talk with us.
And they can't understand why we don't feel the same way.
Or if we just wanna spend a night alone,
or we have plans with our other friends and family,
they can get upset, claiming that we don't love them at all.
And this can also be where things turn from love bombing
into that devaluation stage we talked about earlier.
Overall, love bombing isn't healthy,
and it usually ends in some kind of abusive behavior.
It's been linked to trauma bonding,
completely losing our sense of self,
and finding ourselves in an enmeshed relationship,
meaning a relationship that has no boundaries at all.
Just to name a few consequences of this type of behavior.
So please be aware of these red flags
and check in with other people in your life
to ensure that you are in a healthy relationship.
And my personal advice is if something feels off,
or you know,
like that they're just spending more money on you,
or what they're doing just makes you uncomfortable,
listen to that feeling
and ask others that you trust about it too.
But I wanna hear from you,
have you fallen victim to love bombing,
or have you loved bombed someone
without knowing that that was what you were doing?
Or do you think I left out any important details
or red flags?
Please leave it all in the comments down below.
Thank you so much for watching and I will see you next time.
(gentle music)