(door opening) (bell dinging)
- (gasping) Ooh! (camera clicks)
Tagging. (gasping)
Oh, that's cute, oh, not cute.
Oh, too cute.
Yes, no. (camera clicking)
- Hi. - Welcome.
- Hi. (gasping)
Oh, well aren't you both cute with the aprons?
This place, my gosh, very aesthetic.
Got a real, like, kids as adults kind of vibe,
like, we don't know how to do business,
but here's what we think it would look like
kind of thing, love it.
- Oh, thank you.
- How did you hear about us?
- Oh, you're blowing up online.
"CuppaYell" gave you a shout out.
"Dana J." said good things.
"Pete M.", everybody. "Peter R." , everybody!
I had to stop by and give a review.
- Oh great, for Yelp?
(dramatic music cut)
- Yelp Elite.
(thunder sounds)
- Oh, wow. Well what are you in the mood for today?
- Surprise me.
- Perfect. We typically like to get to know the person first
and custom tailor something
based on their unique preferences.
- Well great, I'm an open book.
- Awesome. Do you like a toffee or a brittle?
- A praline.
- Okay, favorite nightshade?
- Bell pepper.
- And how old were you when you were told
Santa wasn't real.
(gasps) - Oh no not my place.
You said that because inevitably I'd have had
a traumatic event when losing the magic of the holiday.
Likely around said holiday where cinnamon, peppermint,
and nutmeg were ever present.
Tasting a moment, a welcome moment of childhood bliss
and simplicity but which one?
Well those leaves back there are spearmint not peppermint.
And any sort of extract would be
an immediate zero stars from me.
So cinnamon or nutmeg?
Well, happy fingers over here
was switching towards a micro blade.
Boom!
Nutmeg, which I find to have a domineering flavor
so no nutmeg please.
- [Woman] How did he know that?
- [Man] I don't know. Just keep it cool.
Great, we'll hold the nutmeg.
Something fruit forward?
- I prefer fruit backward.
A strong fruit finish that you can taste
descending mid-bite.
- Where do you stand on truffle?
- On its grave. What is it, 2014?
- How do you feel about smoked fish in an ice cream?
- Hickory smoked or oak?
- I was thinking maple or mesquite.
- I prefer apple wood or cherry wood.
- Ever try alder wood?
(gasps)
- Hm... haven't.
- Nice.
- I think I blacked out for a second.
- And would you say thinking of the word "purple"
or the word "home" tastes better?
- Purple is sweeter. Home is richer.
- Balsamic or apple cider?
- Rice wine.
- "Volcano" or "Dante's Peak"?
- "Dante's Peak".
- And have you always be tormented
by what your parents think of you?
Or has that been more of a later in life realization?
- (laughs) Nice try. I happen to have a great relationship
with my parents.
- Oh. Well the fact that you're wearing lensless glasses
gives a different impression.
- Why do you say that?
- Well you clearly have excellent vision.
You're looking at your phone up close,
and you're also distinguishing mint leaves
from a distance.
- So it would seem your glasses
are a purely aesthetic choice.
You have visibly dry eyes,
an obvious sign of Lasik surgery.
You used to use glasses, don't need them anymore,
but still wear them.
Why?
- Is it because you liked the way you looked then?
Or they did?
Still trying to make them proud?
- Most Yelpers go by first name, last initial,
but I can see your profile from here.
- He got Lasik too.
- And you go by first initial, last name.
L. Cartwright.
You've yelped hard for that elite status.
You want the family to share in the esteem.
But will it ever be enough for them?
- Plastic spoon okay?
- (whispers) Yes.
(dramatic music)
(harsh electronic music)
(gasps)
- What?
(harsh electronic music resumes)
(music slows)
(harsh electronic music resumes)
- (stutters) What was that?
- You tell us.
- I've never tasted anything like that.
- No one ever has.
- It was a new flavor?
No human has ever tasted this.
- And no one will again.
It existed just for you, in this exact moment.
- It wasn't sour, you know, but.
It wasn't wasn't sour. (laughs)
The rice wine vin.
The taste of tartar.
The texture of the tartare.
But more than anything,
the man I was while tasting it.
Free of ego.
- Cool - Love that.
- Thank you. Truly, thank you.
How am I to possibly review a flavor
that is impossible to describe
with the words that we have?
I am only left to review...
myself.
Talk to type.
Review of me.
Leonard Cartwright, now open!
Open and vulnerable.
Leonard is complex and beautiful,
with room for improvement.
Three stars.
(bell chimes)
- [Woman] I think I need a break.
- [Man] Yeah that was hard.