I am Loni Love, actress, writer, host, comedian.
And if that's not enough, you may not know me,
but I host a show called The Real, y'all.
Thank you very much.
All right.
I love my job.
I love keeping it real.
In fact, the only thing not real about me is my hair, all right?
So what, y'all?
It looks good.
This is Peaches.
Y'all like Peaches?
Yes, we are guest co-hosting in today for The Ellen Show,
all right!
All right!
I have been a guest here, and I've DJ-ed
got a bunch of times, but I've never hosted the show before.
But how hard can it be?
I mean, a white woman in her 60s does it, right?
I'm kidding.
I love me some Ellen DeGeneres.
Can we give a hand to Ellen?
I love her so much.
Y'all, Ellen and I have been through a lot,
especially when it comes to my romantic life.
I've had ups and downs.
And currently, I'm happily booed up.
I love my man James so much.
[KISS] I love you, Boo-Boo.
I am so much in love with him, in fact,
that when people ask me if we're going to get married,
I say hell no, all right?
I am not interested in getting married again,
because I do know about being married.
It was the worst three months of my life.
But hey, don't judge me.
I've been down the aisle before, like I said.
And I thought that I could help out some people in the audience
by giving them marriage advice from a person who never
wants to get married again.
What could go wrong, huh y'all?
OK?
So, before we start, I want to say, loudly and clearly, that I
am not a doctor or a therapist.
I'm just a bad bitch that's been through a lot.
All right!
So I can help you.
Thank you.
Where is Delaney M?
Delaney M?
Girl, where you at?
Hey, Loni!
Hey, Delaney!
How can I help you, dear?
So, I'm engaged to be married the day after Thanksgiving,
and I need help on how to get my fiancee excited about getting
centerpieces and ordering invitations as he
is excited about the Eagles.
Because we're on the Titanic downslope right now,
trying to get him amped up for this wedding.
OK.
All right, well, he's bringing you down like the Titanic.
I'm not a history buff, but that doesn't
sound like a good start, girl.
All right, look, first thing is, men don't
care about that kind of stuff.
The centerpieces, things like that.
I would get a sister or my mother to help me with that.
Let's just hope he shows up for the wedding.
OK, Delaney?
Let's do that, all right?
All right.
Look at me giving out all this great information.
Where is Katherine D?
Katherine?
Hello.
Oh, you cute!
What can I help you with, Katherine?
So, I'm married, and I'm not really
good at sharing my feelings, but my husband
is really good at it.
So I want to have some cues on how to manage it, compromise,
and everything.
OK.
And you know what?
I have to be honest.
Communicating with him instead of me
would be the first step, Katherine.
All right.
But you know what?
I think you need to loosen up, Katherine, with a drink.
You know, that way you can relax.
You could be more open.
If that doesn't go well, at least you can get drunk, girl.
All right?
So I wish you the best.
Wild Turkey helps, all right?
There you go, girl.
All right!
Amy G!
Where's Amy G?
I'm here!
What's up Amy?
You look like my cousin.
What's up Amy?
Hey!
So, my husband and I, we've been married for 10 years,
and I just can't ever get them to load the dishwasher
correctly.
Do you have any tips?
Or is this just something I have to give up on forever?
Oh, so he don't know how to load the dishwasher.
No!
And I've had demonstrations, politely asked,
and he just doesn't get it.
Let me tell you something, Amy.
Why don't you forget how to cook sometimes for him?
Why don't you forget how to do the laundry sometimes for him?
Why don't you forget how to have sex with him sometimes?
Maybe he'll learn how to get that laundry filled, OK?
Do that.
Try that, all right?
Thank you.
All right, Amy.
Thank you.
I hope that helped.
Look at me.
Helping the world.