[clears throat]
Have you guys noticed that 2016 is just, um...
bad?
Have you smelled that rotting dumpster fire baking?
Well, that’s the sh*tty world that we’ve been making.
There’s never been a time like this,
where everybody’s pissed,
that hasn’t ended with some bones a-breaking.
Grace: I don't know.
J: Slinging mud is making people heated.
The earth is getting warmer, even that’s debated.
So whether you lean left or right,
hope you’re ready for a fight.
C'est la vie to the height of olden days.
G: Like when we had slaves?
[groans]
G: It’s not so bad!
J: The dems are cheatin'!
G: It’s not so bad.
J: Look what we’re eatin'.
G: It’s not so bad!
J: There’s no escaping that we’re doomed.
G: It’s not all bad news!
Bom, bom, bom!
My name’s Grace and I’m here to say,
There's good things happening every single day!
Like today, I saw a man, he was walking a cat!
I saw another man fall and I caught it on Snapchat!
This made me laugh, this made me cry-
from laughing!
I love jokes on Laffy Taffys!
It’s ok to be down,
if you get up again.
There’s always good news, 'cause I’m your friend!
[Laughter]
J: Uh, what the hell is going on around me?
My dad gives me a gun at every Christian holiday.
It’s always wrong versus right,
black versus (G: blue?) white.
I’m getting kinda jealous of Harambe.
G: It’s not so bad!
J: There's war and famine.
G: It’s not so bad!
J: And Jimmy Fallon.
G: It’s not so bad!
J: We must examine why we suck.
G: We're not all f*cked!
Bom, bom, bom!
J: So, you gonna sing?
G: Yo, Grace is back, with some really great news!
At least you don't look like Ted Cruz.
[Laughter]
Look at this elephant, look at this child!
Look at this meme! Rest in peace.
There’s more diversity! You seen Hamilton?
Selena Gomez has lupus again,
but she’s getting ahead of it, didn’t quit for the hell of it!
There’s more where that came from, if you like the smell of it.
Really?
J: But certainly you see all the darkness around.
The human race is hitting quite a slump.
G: But there’s quiet progress being made
every single f*cking day!
My uncle used to be a homophobe,
but now he's blowin' Trump!
[Trumpet noises]
J: I don't know if--
G: It’s Grace, again, what does she want?
Well, I got more good news I’m trying to tell ya!
Jon is a sourpuss, but he’s not lost!
Ya got some good news?
J: "Stranger Things" rocks.
That’s right, that’s awesome, those kids are cute!
You okay?
J: The tiger population’s up.
G: Well, doodleydoot!
Yay!
J: Art is doing well 'cause people need to escape.
And David Bowie’s still alive!
G: I like grapes!
So I hope I changed your mind, if you were still on the fence.
Both: Three cheers for unrelenting ignorance!
G: Bom, bom--
J: Nope.
We're done.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present...
G: Me!
J: I'm going on tour with Dodie Clark,
Rusty Clanton, and, uh, Tessa Violet.
And they have band members, and I--
Dodie: Oh, hey!
[Surprised sounds]
G: It's like when you say "Beetlejuice" three times,
and he shows up.
Where are you guys going on tour?
J: Uh, uh... East Coast.
G: Look at all these wonderful cities!
D: I love it!
J: I had mono last time
and I don't have mono now!
G: Wow! Fingers crossed that that continues--
J: Yeah.
G: to be the way it is.
J: I just, I hope the lupus doesn't get me.
You have a film coming out??
G: Yeah!
J: A fill-em?
G: A fill-em, called Dirty 30.
It's like a fun, house-party movie, with a lot of
other YouTubers and comedians in it.
And it comes out September 23rd,
but preorder it now at DirtyThirtyMovie.com!
J: DirtyThirtyMovie.com!
G: Yeah!
J: It's a bang for your buck scenario.
[D: I'm gonna... I have to leave.]
G: I'm gonna get outta here.
D+J: Bye!
(P-A-I-N-T. Subscribe!)