- So I thought we could start with just a little meditation.
So just close your eyes.
- [Date] Okay.
(breaths exhaling)
- Feel the energy in your heart Chakra.
I'm sorry, hold on one second.
That barista over there, you see him.
- [Date] Yeah.
- He just looks really sad.
I think I need to go cheer him up.
One second, I'll be right back.
Hey buddy, you need a friend?
- [Date] I'm just gonna go find the restroom.
- Yeah, okay, I'll be right here.
(paper rustling)
Okay, so far so good.
Man, man, I have got to have a word with the manager
about running this place a little better.
Excuse me.
Yeah, that guy over there in the blue shirt, yeah.
He ordered that latte with no foam.
Well, I over heard it yeah.
No I don't know him.
Just make it for him again please.
Thank you.
It's like amateur hour over here.
Okay, next on the itinerary for the date,
we will exchange likes and dislikes.
You know music, food, et cetera and so on.
I've got my list all right here.
Well, yeah, you can go first if you want.
Dude, do you think they would care
if I just started like doing my own open mic night
right here in the middle of the coffee shop.
(guitar strumming)
♪ Ooh ♪
(guitar strumming)
This is for you by the way.
- [Date] So what's your love language?
- My love language, I don't know, like English.
This is Brazilian coffee.
Did you know I used to live in Brazil?
- [Date] Oh really?
- Yeah I just, I threw a dart at a map and it hit Brazil,
and it was like well, it hit Brazil, I gotta go.
I find the whole dating process to be quite inefficient,
so I went ahead and just made a questionnaire for you.
If you could go ahead and fill that out.
Just email it to me.
If you score higher than 85, I'll get back to you.
Thank you, have a good day.
- [Date] Wow, this coffee shop
has a really cool atmosphere, don't you think?
- I guess, I picked this coffee shop
because the brew water has the perfect pH level.
- [Date] Isn't this a cool place?
- Well, yeah, but this coffee house
is run by the Illuminati.
So what do you want to do for our next date?
Do you wanna get married, I mean get sushi?
- [Date] So what do you do for a living?
- Well, it's not a terribly simple question
to answer now is it?
Because do you just mean how do I make money?
I make money in many ways.
Or do you mean how do I fill up my life with good things?
How do I actually make my life worth living?
It's an entirely different question.
So you're gonna have to define your terms here.
So do you want to come over to my place after this?
'Cause I have baked an awesome cake,
and all my friends from nursing school are coming over
and we are gonna have a cake party.
I don't think we're a match for dating,
but I do think we're a match for me
being your relationship coach,
because I can just tell,
I can just tell by looking at you
you've got this unresolved trauma.
You've got limiting beliefs.
I think I can help you.
All right, well we better go,
'cause I got us skydiving tickets, let's go.
(relaxing music)
Oh, yeah it's green, dummy.