Translator: Tanya Cushman Reviewer: Peter van de Ven
When I was 52 years old,
I went back to school to become a certified professional midwife,
doing out-of-hospital maternity care.
The whole journey was challenging, scary, exhilarating.
I freely acknowledge that many people midwifed me through it.
I had fairly realistic expectations:
long, unpredictable hours,
modest pay,
lack of credibility in the medical establishment.
But I put on my big-girl pants and persevered
because I have a passionate admiration
for the exquisite design of the birth process.
What I really love is to see a woman face her fears,
make that transformational journey
and greet her baby on the other side.
It is a privilege to be a watcher at the gates of life and motherhood.
When I said that people had midwifed me through my education,
I didn't mean that figuratively.
The word "midwife" comes from the Old English "with woman."
"To midwife" means "to assist, to bring forth."
I'd like to propose midwifing as a basic attitude
that promotes collaboration over competition
in a variety of settings, not just maternity care.
After all, not very many people get to assist at births.
It's possible that some of you don't even want to.
(Laughter)
But we can all experience the satisfaction of seeing someone we have helped
bring forth.
In fact, we are all midwives to other people.
They're not birthing a baby,
but they're nurturing a dream or they're making a difficult journey.
Take a minute,
and think of someone you know who is trying to lose weight,
learn a new job, write a book,
start a business, overcome addiction
or anything else that's difficult.
You offer support, but you may not have thought of this as midwifing.
The Midwives Alliance of North America
describes the Midwives Model of Care
as uniquely nurturing, hands-on care.
Several large studies have shown
that this model greatly reduces complications
such as prematurity and Caesarean section.
I came to see the midwives model as a template for collaboration,
and I started experimenting with it in a variety of different relationships.
I'm not the first to have thought of that.
If you do a search
of "effect of culture on organizational success,"
you can find a dozen articles, studies
that show that a good culture in any business or organization
really drives productivity.
In fact, the culture statement of Worldnet reads,
"A great culture helps people deliver their best work."
I like that one.
A nurturing culture is created when we see each individual as important,
and we set up the environment to help them succeed.
This is midwifing.
You know, when I first started observing prenatal and postpartum exams,
I had a hard time understanding why they take 45 minutes to an hour.
It only takes 10 minutes to get a blood pressure,
palpate baby's position and listen to fetal heart tones.
The rest is educational, emotional and social support.
Quite honestly, at first this sounded like a lot of chitchat to me,
and sometimes I even had a hard time staying awake.
But that changed as I became more involved with the clients
and more invested in their well-being.
Suddenly, I realized this is not social chitchat -
as Terry Pratchett would say - "It is the soul and center of midwifery."
I'd like to share some of the things I've learned.
So, here's Midwifery 101 in three easy lessons.
Lesson one: believe.
We have to choose to believe in someone if we're going to help them.
One woman came into midwifery care
because she'd had a Caesarean with her first baby
and had been told that she would never get a baby through her small pelvis.
She felt in her heart that she hadn't really had a chance to try.
We told her, "Eat an excellent diet,
get plenty of exercise and believe that you can birth the baby you grow.
We believe you can do it."
I will never forget her face
as she birthed her baby into her own hands,
a full pound bigger
than the one she had been told would never fit through her pelvis.
How about an example from your world?
Your sister-in-law tells you that they are going to homeschool their child.
You may or may not agree with that idea.
The midwives model is firmly rooted
in the right of each person to autonomy and self-determination.
So choose your response:
"Are you crazy? Have you seen those homeschooled kids?
They are all socially awkward.
You don't have a teaching degree."
Or the midwives model:
"Wow. You must have given that a lot of thought.
You'll do great.
If you need help with computer skills, I can get with her on that."
Don't ever shoot down someone's dream.
Do not rain on their parade.
Is this the 10th diet?
The 27th attempt to quit smoking?
The 5th great idea this year?
This might be the one that succeeds and changes lives.
How do you know it won't work?
No one knows what can come into the light until they've done the labor.
Lesson two: support.
Sometimes support is just an encouraging word.
Sometimes it requires time and attention.
One of the births I attended as a student
was a first baby for a young woman who had endured a lot of social pressure
because of her decision to give birth without pain medication.
She had a strong inner drive to try.
Along with her husband,
I rubbed her back and held her hand and dried her tears
as she worked through transition - the hardest part of the labor.
I was really invested in helping her reach her goal.
And she did.
Soon after the baby was born,
her friend tiptoed into the room and said, "How was it?"
This young mother, still sweaty and flushed,
said, "I will never be afraid to try anything again."
(Laughter)
That's when I discovered what is truly rewarding.
How about another example?
Someone you know is trying to write a book.
You could say, "Sure, I'll read your draft.
You said you were having trouble getting your characters to come alive.
Let's see what you have so far, and maybe I can offer some insight."
That's time and attention.
We support; we don't take over.
It's always their journey, not ours.
If we can find joy in a supporting role,
we can see the people around us bring forth the best that's in them.
And this is a key to leadership.
One of the things that is beautiful about birth
is the delicate interplay of the hormones.
Because of this interplay,
progress in labor is dependent on keeping the mother relaxed and supported.
If we intimidate, frighten or patronize her,
the labor becomes dysfunctional
because the dance of the hormones has been interrupted.
Incidentally, this is the same for all mammals.
It's also true for our children, our co-workers,
our employees, our students.
They will make progress when they feel safe and supported
and not otherwise.
Authoritarianism, rigid hierarchical structures
breed resentment, bullying and foot-dragging.
Fear destroys every act of creation.
Lesson three: don't give up.
One mother labored for two days with a second baby,
which is unusual.
It's normally the first baby that's the longest and the hardest.
There wasn't anything wrong with mother or baby,
and she was very determined.
So we supported her
by trying all the tricks we could to get labor to progress.
She labored in the tub and in the shower.
She labored on the bed.
She labored on her hands and knees.
She squatted on the floor.
We kept her fed and hydrated and monitored the baby.
But by the end of the second day, we were getting exhausted too.
I was preparing to transport to hospital
when she suddenly started pushing like she meant it.
That stage was also longer than average.
Finally, finally that baby was born -
sunny-side up and forehead leading,
one of the most difficult presentations.
Don't ever give up.
If someone is willing to hang in there and try,
they deserve a midwife.
Of course, as we all know,
sometimes things don't go according to plan;
some dreams miscarry.
Some mothers and babies need hospital care, medication or even surgery.
They have still made a great journey;
there's still a birth to celebrate.
A good midwife points this out,
and we can do the same for the people around us
who might be discouraged or feeling as though they have failed.
Point out what they did accomplish
and give them the faith and the courage to get up the next morning.
We all need that when our dreams get stuck.
There - you've finished the course,
and you're ready to midwife the people around you.
We never know which baby will grow up to be the next Gandhi,
and we never know whose dream will make a wonderful change in the world.
It's an honor to be a part of that beautiful birth.
Thank you.
(Applause)