Hey there internet, today’s video is all about promises.
Now those of you that follow me on twitter will remember that a few weeks ago,
I “promised” that if a certain video wasn’t uploaded on a Friday,
I would make a video waxing my legs.
Now as a man of my word, you can probably guess whats about to happen.
Right so before this happens,
as I didn’t want to amputate both of my legs attempting to do this,
I thought I’d enlist the help of an experienced girl.
Louise: Ta da! Dan: Hey Louise
L: [laughs]
D: what? Was it just your legs? [laughs]
Like Quasimodo, the Hunchback of Notre Dame
[both laugh]
L: Literally, watch the screen, I went
D: [laughs] Like an old lady in a cartoon “Hello kids”
[laughter]
D: This has got off to a terrible start
I’ve got abs. Ok, oh we can order pizza later now
L: Oh, hey!
D: Hey Louise L: Hi Dan
D: How are you? L: What a surprise to find me behind your door
D: You broke in. How experienced are you with waxing?
L: I have waxed one person before
D: OK L: waxed her legs, so
L: I did that ok D: and she still has legs
L: she still has legs, she’s quite happy D: and she doesn’t seem to have any permanent disfigurations of any kind
L: no mutilations, she looks pretty beautiful to me
D: so I’m in relatively good hands?
D: Yeah! OK So how does this work?
Cause I have no idea what’s about to happen
L: OK, i’ve not actually used this one before D: right
L: don’t worry though, D: OK
L: this is Veet gel wax kit. Strips, to inflict all the pain D: OK, great
L: some instructions; don’t need them
D: [laughs] Does it have a flavour?
L: Umm, you don’t eat it.
Warning, always remove lid and foil seal before heating the wax. Fine
D: you have to heat the wax? L: overheated wax may cause burns
D: so the difference between that and the strips is that this involves boiling hot liquid that could melt my flesh?
L: yes, essentially yes
D: great! shall we go microwave it?
3, 2, 1 [microwave beeps] boom
That feels quite warm, but not flesh meltingly warm
L: want to stir it around though. I mean, don’t mind me
[laughter] D: You’re just eating my cereal!
Lay down my Pokemon towel
L: is this Mew? D: No, that’s Arceus, who’s like the Jesus of Pokemon
L: Oh, is this Mew? D: and thats Palkia, who has power over space
D: Right! L: Sh-, did we put this in the microwave with the foil lid on?
Are we stupid? Are we actually stupid?
We just put a foil lid in the microwave, and filmed it!
D: [laughs] Kids L: don’t put foil
D: Don’t microwave foil because it will explode and destroy your house L: what is wrong with us?
D: I’m not the hairiest.. well ok, no I have leg hair but the rest of my body I do kind of look like an eight-year old girl.
I might embrace this as I cry, is that, is that OK?
L: sure, pop your leg up
D: I’m scared L: mmmmh
D: right OK so now what happens?
L: I just want to say something, for all the fangirls out there.
D: [laughs] L: That was for you
L: its on, its on [repeatedly]
D: Oh, thats… OW! Oh this is… L: sorry, [repeatedly]
D: no, no, no smooth it out, smooth it out first, smooth it out first L: sorry [laughs]
D: smooth it out fir-, you’re not, she’s not sorry
L: Oh god, I’ve not stuck it through properly D: you haven't.
No wait, ok so girls do this all the time
L: I dont, I shave
D: people do it on their vaginas, so it mustn’t be that brutal
L: they do D: cause you wouldn’t just rip your vagina off would you?
L: I’ll tell you, it's brutal on your vagina
D: and your vagina didn’t get ripped off?
L: not all of it
D: [laughs]
L: think of that moment when you got a million subscribers
D: [loudly] ah…motherfucker! oh my god
L: [laughs]
D: oh my god.
I wasn’t ready.
L: I know. Look at how much of your skin’s come off with it
D: that didn’t just remove the hair did it?
I think it removed the first 20 layers of my skin, but thats good cause I don’t exfoliate
L: oh no this is hardening [ding]
OK ill just spread it, I’m spreading it
D: oh but the spreading hurts!
L: sorry D: every spreading’s tugging the hairs, oh fuck this
L: sorry, its on, its on, its on
D: i cant feel anything
[laughs] what does the blowing do?
L: cools the wax D: ok
L: and it will be hard and then I can do it
[ding]
D: ok L: this feels quite soft still [ding]
D: yep L: there are too many innuendos in this video already.
It’s not ready that needs to harden [ding] what i should do…
Looking into the lens, who is the hottest girl you can think of?
D: ok, at the moment, probably Jennifer Lawrence ff---
L: yeah D: yeah
D: [groaning in pain] mmmmh-ahhhhhh
L: does that help? it does, doesn’t it? D: kind of
L: yeah, when my friend did me, she had to do that,
but it was really awkward, because it wasn’t my leg she was waxing
and I was like
D: your friend just like, placed her hand on your vagina?
[laughter]
L: but I was… we were really good friends
D: ok L: but it felt so good cause I was like [moans]
[ding]
D: I don’t think we’re at the level yet where you can put your hand on my vagina
L: that’s fine by me. Let’s keep our vaginas to ourselves
D: [laughs] Agreed.
L: that’s a lesson for all of us
D & L: keep your vaginas to yourselves
D: this is so much more educational than I thought it would be.
Is the sock mark area quite tender?
L: I’m doing it, I’m doing it. Yeah of course it is.
D: this particular one was probably a mistake
L: [slurping noise]
[ding]
D: Umm… [laughs]
Are you just going to rip all the flesh off my body?
L: No…
D: ok good cause you know what you’re doing
L: yeah...
D: I appreciate the toils of females so much now.
Why would someone wax their vagina instead of shaving their vagina?
L: Umm, wow this is a conversation I’m about to have on the internet
D: just things that I don’t know that I think i should know
L: ok cause if you shave D: yes
L: the hair grows back in like 2 or 3 days D: yeah
L: but if you wax; because when you shave you’re just cutting the hair at the surface D: at the surface, yeah yeah yeah
L: and so it’s still like ‘oh i’m at the surface, woo woo’,
but if you like wax it, you’re like ripping out the follicle so then it’s like you’ve got to a whole new follicle area, bit.
D: maybe you should like, pound them down hands, like this.
smooth, smooth and just rip L: ok
D: ok I’m going to act cool, not going to even blink
[ding]
Are you wanking my leg?
[laughter]
Are you ok there Louise?
[laughter]
Oh, everything about this is a mistake
L: This is horrible. I've just wanked your leg
[laughter]
D: I feel abused
L: I feel like an abuser.
Are you ready for this?
D: I’m not even gonna blink
L: AH sorry!
D: [in pain] I blinked L: sorry!
L: make no facial expressions.
Oh sorry, sorry
D: [in pain] It got stuck a bit at the end there. Fuck
[laughter]
L: this wasn’t my finest hour
D: the wax was a fun adventure
L: what it turns out is, I don’t know how to do this
D: so I look slightly like a burn victim
L: ‘Wax strips with easy grip, sensitive skin almond oil and vitamin E’
D: this is what I kind of imagined more
L: oh and they come with ‘perfect finish wipes’
D: Ayy L: Ayy
D: you can wipe me down afterwards L: yeah I can
[ding] L: Ok
D: please put this on right
L: Ah, everywhere’s sticky
[ding]
D: how is this going to be any different to the other one then?
L: I don’t know
D: go for it
L: Ahh, oh god, oh god I felt it all
D: you could hear L: I heard it
D: each hair being pulled out of my leg L: Oh Dan
L: Look at it! D: That's so smooth.
Touch me, Louise touch me
[ding]
L: I want to rub my face on that
D: I’m like a fucking beluga whale right now
L: it feels amazing
D: I want to touch myself
[ding]
L: So we’re gonna do it in one direction
D: OK L: cause that helps with everything
D: yes, sure it does
L: [singing] ‘and we danced all night…’
D & L: [singing] ‘to the best song ever’
L: and I ripped your ankle off
D: so smooth
So that looks good, uh I think I look like Shamu. Yep
L: Shamu?
D: Do you not think I look like Shamu?
L: what, black and white and… ten, ten D: [laughs] and abused by loads of people
L: ten kilos, tonnes
L: well, I’ll start that again, jesus christ
D: [laughs] I can speak [mockingly]
L: [whale noises] I look like a whale D: [whale noises] beluga whale
L: [whale noises] D: [laughs]
D: take me away from my family and put me in an aquarium.
L: [whale noises]
D: So stroke-able
L: OK Dan, D: Yeah?
L: you’ve done really well D: thank you
L: you’re smooth and oily D: [laughs] yep
L: which is great
[ding]
D: my favourite combo
L: but you have made your danosaurs wait six months for this,
I’ve seen on tumblr, I’ve seen, and all you’ve given them is shin.
All I’m suggesting, before you say anything, is I think the least you could do,
I’d think we’d all agree, is a little bit of thigh.
D: OK let’s do this
L: OK let’s go, well I won’t go I’ll just wait here
D: Yeah [laughs].
Awesome so I’ve just gotten completely naked. L: I helped
There is now nothing between Louise’s waxy hands and my dong.
D: So.. [laughter]
D: I’m wearing shorts L: He's wearing shorts
D: It's fine, I’m wearing shorts L: He's wearing shorts, he's wearing shorts
D: I will keep the pillow as something to embrace as I cry internally
L: and I would feel better if there’s a pillow there
L: [screams]
OK it's fine D: [laughs]
D: This is why you should never get a career in waxing
L: OK D: OK
L: Dan Howell, D: I hope the internet’s going to appreciate this. Just give me a countdown
L: 3, 2
D: [yells in pain] oh my god
L: One! Ahhh, I felt it all, I felt each individual hair. D: Ow!
L: Oh god, I felt it D: [yells in pain] oh my god, that’s so brutal
L: I know, I’m sorry
D: Who invented this practice?
And the pain subsides slightly.
One thing I’ve learnt today: I don’t want to be a vagina
[laughter]
This whole idea was a terrible, terrible mistake
L: You’ll get your videos up on time, won’t you?
D: Thank you very much Louise for doing that, kind of. I feel like we’ve bonded
L: I feel like we’re so much closer now
D: in a way that I will never forget
L: I’ve caressed your legs
[laughter]
D: Louise isn’t just a random girl by the way, she is a YouTuber
L: that’s right
D: so, I’ll put the link to her channel in the description L: Yay
D: if you want to see what she’s like when she isn’t inflicting pain upon your favourite vloggers [laughs]
OK so I’m just going to go cry in the bath for about an hour, I think.
Bye internet!
It’s the smooth and beluga-tastic leg end screen dance. Yeah it is!
If you enjoyed this and for some reason this is the first video you’ve seen of mine,
then you can click here to subscribe to my main channel danisnotonfire,
and if you missed out on my last video, you can click here to see it. Awesome.
This would look very strange if someone walked in on me from behind right now.
[laughs]
I’m generally going to regret uploading this aren’t I? Oh well, too late now.