i do not think
thinking has fallen away
long time before
chronologically
the distance is not much
only three decades
but metaphysically
the distance is as big as possible
if i look backwards it is millions of years distance
perhaps
why i feel so much
distance
the reason is in the very nature of the gap between thinking
and a state
of no thinking
the gap is unbridgeable
i am reminded of one thing at this point
the day
i died
as a person
as an ego
and the explosion happens
and only
a presence was left
with no ego functioning as a center to it
just pure space
something
i became aware only the next day morning
a very strange thing
next morning when i went to the bathroom i signed the mirror i was only 21 years old
my hairs on the chest had become white
something in me
has become suddenly ancient
i looked into the mirror in my own eyes
and i could see those were not the eyes that i used to have
because
thoughts have disappeared
the eyes were utterly vacant
something like a bottomless abyss
i am only 54
but it seems i am almost ancient
deep inside i feel just like a child
just born
so fresh
as the dew drops in the early morning sun
but in the body
i feel as if i have lived in one life many lives together
i do not think
there is no need to think for me
either i know something or i don't know
thinking is a state in between two
you don't know and you are trying to know that's what thinking is all about
it is a grouping in darkness
for something
that you are not exactly aware what it is
now you are aware why you are groping for it
now you are aware what you are going to do when you find it