Take a negative belief, an insecurity, jealousy, pettiness, whatever
and turn it into something positive.
Getting very good at that.
And my goal with myself and I'm definitely not 100% at this,
but I’ve gotten so much better over the years,
is to not even let that emotion register on my face.
So I may feel it, but so quickly the Pachinko machine takes over
and I flip that negative thing into something positive.
This is to me is like the real gap that people have between where they are
and what they want to accomplish.
They think that it is an archaeological dig, that they're going to find within themselves
things that have been laying dormant somehow and that's just not how this works.
You're going to craft yourself, you're going to have a vision of the person
you wanna become, you may even have a model of somebody who's
like that, somebody you look up to, somebody that you
inspire to be like.
And you're going to map out your life, your decisions, your beliefs, your actions, everything
on what you believe is going to get you to that state.
I don't think it matters who you are.
I don't think it matters what situation you were born into.
I don't think it matters what your naturals talents and inclinations are.
I think it only matters what you craft into your life.
I think excitement can be crafted, I think that love can be crafted.
Now, because I know that that one is controversial and slightly misleading,
I think all of this stuff starts from a flicker of interest
and then like with my wife, on our first date, I was like, “woah this chick is super interesting.”
Now, I don't believe in love on first sight, it certainly was not love on the first date,
but going into that and fanning those flames and feeding into this notion of
“I wanna be around her, I wanna spend more time with her,”
like literally fanning that and staring at it and investing in that,
like by investing in a desire to spend more time with her
and cultivating like this want to be around her in
like replaying in my mind the time that we had spent together and all of that stuff,
it really begins to turn into this bonfire because you're obsessing on it,
you're pointing at it, you're looking at it, you're cultivating, you're crafting it.
So, that I think is really, that is the truth.
My views on emotional intelligence are that it is
insanely important and I believe that you can
get hold of your emotional states, I think it is very hard,
actually I was, I was about to say it's very hard not to feel the emotion,
but even that will dim with time as you craft your identity.
So, at first it starts with identity, I think behaviour
is born of identity and your values, so as you begin to shape your values, which
are a decision, as you begin to shape your identity, which
is a choice and you craft it.
As you begin to do that stuff, I think that over time your emotions to a
given situation will change very dramatically.
So, that is an important thing to recognize.
And then, I think that by developing your self-awareness,
by understanding that you're having an emotion, processing it in real time, saying, “okay,
I'm having this emotion.
What is this emotion?
What is the cause of this emotion?”
And really, at the cause level being willing to admit when it's
insecurity, pettiness, jealousy, whatever the case may be,
being able to really truly admit whatever deficiency, inadequacy, just general
lameness that exists in your personality.
Like if you're willing to be honest about that,
then you can go, “what is it that I'm lacking or believe
I'm lacking or whatever that's causing me to have this cascade.”
And if you can nip that in the bud by changing your identity, your values, whatever,
your belief system, all the things that make that up
because you want to change that, because you think that whatever emotional
state you're having is disempowering, then you can diminish the amount of time you
experience that and the idea being to start recognising the
emotion very fast, recognising what it is,
the cause and addressing that cause through what I call the mental Pachinko machine which
is a belief system of things that take a negative
belief, an insecurity, jealousy, pettiness, whatever
and turn it into something positive.
Getting very good at that.
And my goal with myself and I'm definitely not 100% at this,
but I've gotten so much better over the years, is to not even let that emotion register on
my face.
So I may feel it, but so quickly the Pachinko machine takes over
and I flip that negative thing into something positive.
So, that's very important.
Think that humans can get insanely good at that
and you will be shocked at how many emotions you can get control of
and flip or use them as a trigger for an empowering behaviour.
So you may have an insecurity, that's the emotion,
but you use that emotion as a trigger to trigger an empowering behaviour.
So, I'll give you an example, maybe a slightly weak example,
but when I'm at the dentist, that shit hurts.
Even when they numb you, even if they're just cleaning your teeth that shit hurts.
And I hate it, it's such a weird pain.
So, I find that that pain triggers this like desire to recoil, to get out of there,
to curl up on my mothers lap and cry like a baby.
But I use that very negative emotion which does not make me feel good about myself
to literally lean into the pain, to open my mouth wider a
nd then in doing that it makes me feel proud of myself that I'm not shying away from pain,
that I'm not slinking away from it and if I'm willing to do it on something that is
obviously positive, make sure that you have healthy gums and teeth,
then I will do it in other areas of my life where it's also empowering.