- Jung said, "Until you make the unconscious conscious,
"it will direct your life and you will call it fate."
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Headed to the Big Island.
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Here we are, Kona.
How sweet.
Look at that.
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(water sloshing)
♪ Ah ♪
♪ La, la, la, la ♪
♪ Ah, ah ♪
Wow, the Big Island, such a beautiful place.
I'm here for the Lobby Conference
which is totally off the record
so I can't share more about that.
One thing I've been thinking a lot about
is how emotions affect our decisions.
Wait a second.
Aren't decisions supposed to be separate from emotions?
Ah!
Researcher Antonio Damasio actually found out
that there are patients who have neurological problems
that prevent them from having emotions,
they are also incapable of making decisions.
- But the reason why they can't choose is that they
haven't got this sort of lift that comes from emotion.
There's good, bad or indifferent literally in the flesh.
And they cannot conjure up for the given situation
an emotional state that would decide them
in one direction or another.
- So emotions and decision making are inextricably linked.
Psychologist Carl Jung talks about there are emotions
that are clearly acceptable and accessible
to our conscious minds and yet,
there are large parts of it that are inaccessible.
He calls this the shadow.
In 1951, he wrote, "No one can be conscious
"of the shadow without considerable moral effort.
"To become conscious of it involves recognizing
"the dark aspects of the personality as present and real.
"This act is the essential condition
"for any kind of self-knowledge."
The shadow are the parts of you that you do not accept.
Your conscious mind doesn't even believe
that it's a part of you so you deeply repress them.
Example shadow traits in founders include
greed, desire for control, desire for fame.
And these things, we deny are a part of us.
But if we embrace them,
we can actually do something about it.
In the case of desire for control,
of not being able to let go, of not being able to delegate,
being aware of this as a part of you
allows you to ask questions about why do I feel insecure.
Whenever you see someone or yourself
get short tempered with people at work or in any setting,
avoidance of people, any time you feel hate,
meanspiritedness to people who are lower status than you,
shadow is also the thing that makes people
humiliate others in public.
Adverse reaction to criticism which happens all the time.
How can you as a person, how can the organization
get better if our shadow side rejects feedback?
This is probably the number one thing that keeps products,
services and organizations from being their best.
The author Herman Hesse said, "If you hate a person,
"you hate something in him that is a part of yourself.
"What isn't a part of ourselves doesn't disturb us."
When you have a short temper, when you feel angry
at a person for something they've done,
take a moment and ask yourself, is that something
that's a part of you that you hate.
That is projection and it's very common.
Where does it come from?
In the end, trauma.
We're all humans.
We've been through something.
And those experiences, good or bad, influence us.
Jung said, "Until you make the unconscious conscious,
"it will direct your life and you will call it fate."
Now that we know about the shadow, what do we do about it?
The first step is awareness.
When does it happen?
Notice when you get angry.
Notice when you get short-tempered.
Notice anytime you experience a difficult emotion
that's out of character
with what's happening in that moment.
The next step is to accept that it's a part of you.
These emotions are rendered inaccessible
to our conscious minds and our conscious minds
can't do anything about it.
This is where therapy, this is where executive coaching,
having deep long conversations with your friends and family,
these are all places where you can get help.
The author Robert Greene says, "Accept people as facts.
"With people, we often want to change them.
"We want them to think and act in a certain way,
"most often the way we think and act.
"And because this is not possible,
"because everyone is different,
"we are continually frustrated and upset.
"Instead, see other people as phenomena,
"as neutral as comets or plants.
"They simply exist.
"They come in all varieties,
"making life rich and interesting.
"Work with what they give you instead of resisting
"and trying to change them.
"Make understanding people a fun game,
"the solving of puzzles.
"It is all part of the human comedy.
"Yes, people are irrational but so are you.
"Make your acceptance of human nature
"as radical as possible.
"This will calm you down and help you
"observe people more dispassionately,
"understanding them on a deeper level.
"You will stop projecting your own emotions on them.
"All of this will give you more balance and calmness,
"more mental space for thinking."
The shadow is a part of you and it's a part of me
but we can do something about it.
"One does not become enlightened by imagining
"figures of light but by making the darkness conscious."
This is a lot, I know.
These are the things I've been thinking about
here in one of the most beautiful places on Earth.
Thanks for watching.
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