Donald J. Trump has shaken Washington to its core
by refusing to recognize the power of Congress
to impeach him, which is amazing.
'Cause they were like, "We're subpoenaing."
And he was like, "No, I don't care."
Donald Trump has the confidence
of a white woman pulled over by the cops. Yeah.
Just like, "Ma'am, I need to see your license."
She's like, "Well, I need to see you get out of my face.
And give me your badge number, Mister!"
The question is, why does the president think
he can get away with this?
Well, for more perspective, we turn to a man
who gets away with things all the time.
-Neal Brennan, everybody. -(cheers and applause)
Neal, everyone is perplexed.
Why doesn't Trump seem
to respect any of America's institutions?
I'll tell you why, buddy.
Because Trump doesn't think he got elected.
Trump thinks he bought America,
and now our whole country is just some business he owns.
It's why he doesn't understand all these investigations.
Imagine if you bought a Quiznos.
Then a week later, you find out
you're being impeached by the guy who spreads the mayonnaise.
(laughter)
Oh, come on. Neal, Neal, I know Trump is extreme,
but there's no way he thinks you can buy a country.
Dude, he tried to buy Greenland eight weeks ago.
(laughter)
And it wasn't even for sale.
(applause)
He's just so out of his mind that he looks at the globe
the way the rest of us look at Zillow.
I'm telling you, Trump doesn't think he works for America.
He thinks he owns it.
Listen to how he talks.
My generals and my military...
My economy is phenomenal.
And I told my guys at NASA...
All I know is I want to put my miners back to work.
My farmers. I love my farmers.
Oh, look at my African-American over here. Look at him.
(audience groaning)
-MAN: Damn! -Wow.
The last president to say
"Look at my African-American" was Thomas Jefferson on a date.
-Wow. Wow. Neal. -(audience groaning)
Okay, so, so, so, Trump thinks he bought America,
and that explains all of his behavior?
Now you're getting it, my African-American.
I'm-I'm just African.
But, yeah.
Trevor, Trump thinks everyone in the country works for him.
It's why he's sending his attorney general
around the world to focus on his personal vendettas.
Trump thinks
the attorney general is generally his attorney.
(laughter)
I bet when Trump met the secretary of transportation,
he was like, "Great. So you're the guy who call my Ubers?"
Yeah. Yeah. Okay, but that doesn't explain
why Trump ignores the Pentagon's advice
on, like, Turkey and Syria.
It completely explains it.
From Trump's point of view, it's like,
"Why is my military in Syria?
"I'm not in Syria.
I'm in America."
And that's where he wants the military.
In America doing two things-- having big, beautiful parades
and blocking Mexicans at the border
like a camouflaged Hodor.
So this is how Trump sees everything?
Yeah, man!
It's why he hates the press so much.
He's like, "Why is the White House press corps talking shit
about the White House?"
To him, it's a betrayal.
It would be like if you hired a deejay for your wedding,
and when you and your wife came in, he was like,
"Chris and Jennifer, probably not gonna make it.
18 months tops!"
(imitates party horn blowing)
(laughter)
All right. All right, Neal,
so, so, if Trump thinks he bought America,
then is there anything that people can do?
Yes. But we'll have to turn
to America's most reliable institution-- Kickstarter.
(laughter)
We pool our money and buy America back from Donald Trump.
Dude, that is gonna cost... It's gonna cost...
-(applause and cheering) -Like, that is so much money.
I don't...
How-how do people afford that?
Here's the good news, buddy.
If America truly is a Trump property,
eventually, it's gonna plummet in value,
and we can buy it back for pennies on the dollar.
Bad news is, there's gonna be KFC buckets
and spray tan juice everywhere.
Neal Brennan, everyone!