she's cute huh this is weird this is
like shopping for people no this is
helpful okay look at this bar in a
matter of moments you can find out who's
single who's gay who's straight who's
interested so it's fake it's not real I
just wish things were authentic you know
like like in the 90s I bet if I was in
the 90s I could just walk up to a girl
to bar be like hey Chris you want a date
no that's inefficient you will go on
dates with people you have nothing in
common with like iced coffee girl I used
to coffee girl yeah on her OkCupid
profile sure she's addicted to iced
coffee I would never date a girl who
says she like that
therein lies the problem you're judging
somebody based on a profile yeah all
right let's say my 90's girl has traits
it would be incompatible maybe I read a
paragraph about her like let's say she's
a huge sports fan and she loves out on a
biology she have a side pony fine the
movie we're learning new things about
each other instead of just working off a
paragraph we've already read no that's
not jim gimlet please Lagunitas the
paragraph expedites the process you get
deeper quicker you have a date you like
someone and then the fun begins while
you're you know sitting around by your
90's dream phone I have a hundred ways
that I can communicate with her I can
like your Facebook post we can send each
other pictures of our days we can text
because I'm hilarious you're also gonna
do --gel her and you're gonna find out
things that you probably shouldn't know
like your exes right I am just waiting
by the phone romantic full of
insecurities when we are together were
present we don't have all these
modern-day distractions it's an
opportunity to bond that'll be 15 oh
yeah
and also inevitably things will end
people will break up with us but there's
no doubt which is easier the night yeah
in the 90s you broke up it was over with
it was done no it would not be done
you would pine you with stress you would
show up to her house outside in the
pouring rain okay well you would kind -
yeah it's fine I don't also stopped
because stalking gives you peace of mind
that's why everyone's friends with their
exes on Facebook they could see that
they're not living in this dream world
without you you can stalk without the
internet look I just want to fall in
love with the same way my parents fell
in love okay the same way my
grandparents trauma before that it's
still the same love it's just more
accessible now you know I can find that
90s girl I can I can do it tonight
go get her tiger okay
okay how do I do this