It's Film Theory, but every time MatPat makes a cringey joke it gets faster.
Just like the Bee Movie memes which are 2017's most un-bee-livable trend.
(speed-up) But for me, no trend is too strange, no Internet trend too dumb.
When it comes to exploring the dankest of memes, you might say, We Are Number One.
*Music*
(speed-up) Today, we're looking at a meme that's gonna require a lot of math, more than just a little dabble-do ya.
*Super sped up* now billion and octillion sound like impossibly large numbers
*Super sped up* but trust me
if you started playing this video the moment the big bang occurred
straight through to to today
now billion might sound impos-
now billion and octillion might sound like impossibly large numbers
but trust me, but trust me octillions are way bigger, if you started playing- if you started playing thi-
*Super sped up* But that's just a theory! A FILM THEORY! And...
*Theme song*
Hello, Internet! Welcome to Film Theory!
Where, let's face it, it's early in the year and all the most theorizable new movies
aren't coming out for a couple of months.
And sure, while I'm just as excited for Fifty Shades Darker as the next guy,
the most exciting things to be talking about these days are Internet trends.
But not just any Internet trends, Internet trends about movies.
Internet trends about really bad movies where
Jerry Seinfield is a bee trying to get it on with a human.
Vanessa: Are you coming? ;))))))
Barry: Got everything?
Yes, my friends, today is a A+ theory about the Bee Movie.
Or rather, a theory on the ultimate meme that took Youtube by storm over the last couple of months.
Now I know you've seen it because of the weird ways Youtube forces you to watch stuff like this.
The entire movie without the bees.
Or when they say bee, the video speeds up.
But then it started to go off the rails.
As the metaness of this started to spiral in on itself, more memes got looped in.
Kind of like a Sharknado.
It just became a parody of itself.
Suddenly, we started to see things like, and mind you
this is an actual video on Youtube, that was actually edited together by someone.
The Bee Movie trailer, but every time they say "bee,"
it's We Are Number One, but every time it says "One,"
it's the Legend27 commercial, but for every
third TheLegend27 commercial, its bass is boosted
beyond comprehension, but the second to last "one"
in every We Are Number One is replaced by Brendaniel
reading the entire Bee Movie script. Also, the fourth
We Are Number One is the dank edition.
And you would think. You would think this is all just
for the LOL's. But no, this is an actual 8 hour, 47 minute
movie where the channel Dr. Scrubbington edited together exactly that - based on those rules.
Bee Movie, We Are Number One, TheLegend27, all-in-one.
We've got a BINGO! We've got a B-BINGO over here.
BINGO!
The only thing it's missing is bottle-flipping, a dab, and Harambe. (And Doctor Part 3 COME ON Matpat)
So, of course. Leave it to the good readers of
dank memes and reddit to take this already absurd trend and blow it absolutely out of proportion.
In an effort to take this to the absolute max,
they created the ultimate Bee Movie mod, and I quote:
"One: The entire Ice Age pentology but every syllable is replace with the entire Toy Story trilogy...
but Two: every second that the color green is in frame it is replaced with every video ever uploaded on Youtube...
but Three: every 10 seconds every episode of the simpsons plays...
but Four: every word with a vowel is replaced with the Bee Movie...
but Five: every time a bee is shown it is replaced with every episode of SpongeBob played backwards."
Stupid?! Of course it is.
Funny? Well I thought so.
But what really got me was that in the picture they have
this huge number for the runtime in there for comedic effect.
And after I gave this post one enormously sarcastic eye roll,
It got me thinking: how long would this video actually be?
It seems like an impossible question. I mean,
look at some of the things you have to solve for.
But "impossible" is my middle name.
Matthew Robert Danger Impossible Patrick.
And sure, there are some answers in these reddit threads, but um...
I did that math, and they are completely wrong. (SHOTS FIRED!!!!)
So just like a Lannister always pays his debts,
so does a theorist always show his work.
And today is dedicated to determining the length of the longest, memeist video ever conceived
Sharpen those #2 pencils for some of the dankest math you've ever seen.
So right now, you might be reacting like this guy:
"Algorithms!"
"Math!"
But here's the good news:
although this sounds really complicated, the math
we can use to solve it all isn't hard. It's just a bunch of multiplication.
Since we're just replacing something from one show
or movie with something else, if we can calculate
the number of times each replacement action happens,
we can use good ol' multiplication to go from the inside out.
Parentheses within parenthesis within parenthesis.
Parentheses, for when math gets META.
So as long as we're keeping track of our units, we should be fine.
The bad news though is that we're going to be getting into the territory of really scarily large numbers.
But hey, you can put a lot of big numbers into the TI 83
Silver edition, of course, so we should be fine.
Growing up we didn't have enough money to buy the
Silver edition calculator, and I was always really
jealous of anyone who had it.
Talk about your #FirstWorldProblems.
Hey, but real talk, that would come preloaded with games, which was pretty sweeeeet!
Now starting at the end of the prompt and working our
way backwards makes the most sense because it has the simplest parameters.
So first we turn to the overlord of memedom himself:
(Shrek, no wait) Spongebob Squarepants.
The original meme stipulates that the episodes of
Spongebob be played backwards, but as long as we're
playing them at a standard speed, it's not going to
change how long they are, so its an easy number to find.
At the time of this recording, we've been asked about the resident of a
"pineapple under the sea"
205 times in all.
Take out all the commercial breaks, and each episode
and each episode is going to clock in at about 22 minutes, or 1,320 seconds.
(This is just a captionist's rant so pay no attention. But MatPat is forgetting that not all Spongebob episodes are a half hour-shows, some are an hour like Truth or Square)
The total time for the whole series then figures out to be 270,600 seconds, meaning
that if you can give up sleep, work, school, and the toilet,
you can actually catch up with the entirety of Spongebob's misadventures
in a little over 3 days straight.
Spoiler Alert!!! You still won't know the Crabby Patty secret formula,
but you might just get a chuckle out of the fact that
Mr. Krabs lives in a place called Bikini Bottom.
Get it? Crabs, bikini bottom - edgy. -_-
"The smelly smell. The smelly smell that smells. The smelly." (Spoiler Alert: The smell is anchovies)
And sure. Only 3 days might sound like we're getting off
to a slow start, but remember, that's three solid days
of SpongeBob for every single instance of the other rules.
So are you ready for more math?
"I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready."
"MATH!"
I figured you might be. Let's continue.
The next layer out is the Bee Movie rule.
We play those Spongebob Squarepants rules every time we see a bee in the Bee Movie.
Now in a shocking development, there are actually a lot of bees in the Bee Movie, (-_-)
but here's where we have to start interpreting the meme a little bit.
What does it mean by "every time we see a bee"?
One run-through of Spongebob for every bee in every frame? That seems a bit like overkill.
Instead, I opted for a slightly more
conservative approach: Every second a bee was in the frame throughout the movie.
The runtime of the Bee Movie, if you cut out all the
credits and the DreamWorks stuff at the beginning
is 82 minutes and 4 seconds.
Bee Movie without the bees, on the other hand,
is a poultry 12 minutes and 28 seconds
meaning there are 69 minutes ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and 36 seconds worth
of pervy bees looking to have an interspecies romance. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
"I meant, thank you so much again, for before."
"Oh, that? Oh, that was nothing."
"Well not nothing, but, but anyway."
Ah! 69 minutes. I see what you did there completely by coincidence, Bee Movie. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I mean, what's the deal with bees trying to get it on with human women?
Who thought that would be a good idea at the box office?
Am I right, Jerry Seinfeld?
The guy who called YouTube the garbage can of content.
It's thanks to us that anyone cares about that stupid movie of yours.
Go have more coffee with with comedians and cars.
Anyway, that puts us at 7136 seconds, or
7136 times we're going to have to play all those Spongebob episodes all the way through.
Well, actually, it's 7136 runs of every Spongebob episode for every
one of our next rules: Every single episode of the Simpsons, but every word spoken that contains
a vowel being replaced with the Bee Movie, which is
yatta, yatta, yatta. That's another Seinfeld thing. You get the point by now.
The Simpsons is currently in the midst of its 28th
season, and has aired 609 different episodes.
So how many cromulent words have been in each episode of the Simpsons?
Well, we studied the transcripts of a few different
Simpsons episodes, including ones with wordless
montages like Last Exit to Springfield, as well as those
with a lot of dialogue, like Homie the Clown.
The average number of words per Simpsons script was
about 2145.
And because most words have a vowel in there
somewhere we just assumed that it was 100%.
So, 2145 time 609 episodes means
1.3 million words over the course of those 609 episodes.
In other words, that's 1.3 million times we have to repeat
all the previous conditions.
"You have a cow."
And now we get to the big one.
The runtime of all the videos ever uploaded to Youtube.
You'd think as someone who's lived and breathed YouTube
for years now that I'd have the inside track
on this one, but uh... no. This one I actually have to calculate out.
YouTube keeps a lot of stats close to its chest.
But using previously talked-about statistics can give us
a pretty darn good estimate.
Projections from late 2015 claimed that YouTube had
500 hours of video uploaded every minute.
Which would likely be even higher now with
YouTube's continued growth.
So if you take previous announcements from YouTube on its
yearly upload rates, with my personal favorite being 2012's YouTube April Fool's video,
which stated "an hour of video is uploaded to YouTube every second..."
Wow, an hour a second? Oh my god, it's nearly 10 times that 5 years later. That is insane!
And most of those minutes are Bee Movie memes
or thousand degree knife videos.
Ooh, what's it gonna cut through this time?
Oh, I bet it cuts through the shoe.
Yeah, it cut through the shoe.
Ooh, I bet it cuts through the ice.
Wow! A hot knife melted ice. -_-
Speaking of thousand degree knife videos, it's like
the only trend that's not being covered in this video.
Get with it thousand degree knife videos.
Become meme-ish. (1000° Knife vs Film Theory)
Anyway, by using this graph and similar ones that
list off average bulk time of video uploaded to
YouTube ever hour broken down by the year, you get
you get over 630 million hours of video that have ever been uploaded to YouTube.
And since we're measuring it in seconds,
well, yeah you should probably stop thinking about
raw numbers at this point and instead think about
Keyboard Cat. One of the greatest talents to ever appear on this site over those 630 million plus hours.
Next step: to Toy Story and beyond.
The three Toy Story movies have a total runtime of
4 hours 36 minutes and 40 scenes that kick you right in the feels.
So that's a total runtime of 16,561 seconds.
Now, the rule here is that for every one of those seconds
in which the color green is visible in the frame,
this supersized meme repeats all the previously mentioned steps.
And its here that I have to make a bit of a confession.
Forgive me, Internet, for I have sinned.
I didn't study every 397,464 frames of all three Toy Story movies.
Because honestly, that's what it would take with
24 frames per second and 16,561 seconds of movie
it's nearly 400,000 thousand frames to explore.
It just can't be done.
But what I did do was take selected clips from each
of the three movies, slow them down, and determine
what percentage of time green was visible.
It averaged out to be a staggering 84.6% of the time.
And it makes a lot of sense when you think about it.
Buzz has green on him. Rex is green. The army men are green. The aliens are green. The furniture's green.
The outdoor scenes with trees and grass are green.
Sid's eyes are green. There is a lot of green in these movies,
especially for Pixar. Am I right?
Cha-ching!
But seriously, that's why they're creating a fourth
Toy Story movie, right? Shameless cash grab?
"I like money."
Anywho, I digress. 16,561 seconds times 84.6% of seconds with green in them rounds out to
14,011 seconds in which the color green is in frame
throughout the Toy Story trilogy.
Ooohhh, we are almost there, guys.
And last, but certainly not least, we have the Ice Age movies.
Every thing we've calculated so far is repeated for every
single syllable in all five...
Wait, five? There have been five Ice Age movies? 0_0
Man! I missed a couple of those.
Alright, so every syllable in each Ice Age movie forces us to
everything we've calculated so far.
When I first started working on this episode, I thought
for sure this would be the hardest one to calculate,
but I was surprisingly able to get a pretty exact
calculation by taking the transcripts, spoken dialogue only,
for each of the five movies, cutting it into
manageable pieces, and then running it through an
automated syllable counter.
Granted, the syllable counter couldn't recognize a few
words, like Scrat, but it did give us the otherwise reasonable count of
34,085 syllables across the five movies.
Ooohhh, and with that, it's time to recap.
We have the 270,600 seconds of Spongebob footage
repeated 7136 times for every second of
visible bees in Bee Movie, which is shown once for
every one of the 1,306,105 words spoken with the vowel
of the Simpson's canon... *gasps for breath*
"Ay caramba!"
... which is then repeated every 10 seconds of the
630,720,000 hours of video that have every been
uploaded to YouTube, which rolls 14,011 times due to the
green seconds in Toy Story 1, 2, and 3,
which all plays once for every single one of the
34,085 syllables of the Ice Age pentology.
Make sure you've converted it all to seconds,
multiplied it all the way through,
then convert it to years, and we get the drum roll worthy number of
*Weak drum taps*
I said, the drum roll worthy number of
*More weak drum taps*
God, seriously. Where's the drum roll?
*Indistinct voice* What? Are you kidding me?
Can we at least get like a dramatic horn blow or something?
What? Are you, are you.. fine, fine. If that's the best we can do, fine.
The dramatic, slide-whistle-worthy number of...
*Slide whistle noises* Ahem.
8 octillion, 672 septillion, 127 sextillion, 482 quintillion years!
Or just about 8 and a half octillion years if you round down.
Now if you're like me, you hear a number like that,
and you're like "what the heck does that mean?"
And yeah, when you're talking about numbers this huge,
it gets really hard to wrap your head around.
So let's look at this giant number from a couple different angles.
First, it's worth noting that Earth, as a planet, has
has been around for a little bit more than 4 and a half billion years.
And the whole universe? About 13.7 billion years.
Now billion and octillion might both sound like
impossibly large numbers, but trust me.
Octillions are WAY bigger.
If you started playing this video the moment the Big Bang occurred, straight through today,
you would be less than 1% of the way through the YouTube videos,
which would mean you're on the first second of Toy Story, and the first spoken syllable of Ice Age.
Remember that there are thirty-four thousand syllables of Ice Age to get through.
And it took us from the Big Bang to now, and we're still only on the first one.
Scientists estimate that the sun will explode in the next 4 to 5 billion years, taking Earth with it.
So by the time the planet Earth ceases to exist,
this video would still be going on.
This is also around the time the universe is supposed to die via heat death
so time and space will come to an end, but bad movie memes will outlive us all.
So how do you illustrate a length of time that's truly longer than the lifespan of the universe?
What is the best way to convey to you how long this video is?
Let me put it this way:
Let's say we set up race where one person sets out
out to watch this video from start to finish.
And another person puts all of Earth's water into one giant eye dropper,
and then tries to refill all those bodies of water one drop, or one milliliter at a time.
The person with the giant eye dropper would still win if
they only put in one drop, one milliliter of water,
every five thousand years.
Ever tried to fill an ocean with an eye dropper,
one drop every five thousand years?
It is gonna take a while.
And don't even get me started on how long that
damn video would take to buffer. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
But hey...
That's just a theory.
A Film Theory.
And... cut.( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)