Hey everyone, so today I want to talk about what it means to be offended.
Because, depending where you are the political spectrum, when you hear this word, there’s
a good chance you think of people on the left being offended, possibly by things you find
trivial or nonsensical.
And there’s a reason so many people have this association with the word “offended”
-- it’s because people on the right for a long time have been using it to insult people on the left,
so much so that its meaning as a way to insult liberals and leftists has kind of seeped into
the mainstream.
But it’s not just people on the left who can be offended.
I mean, I’m pretty thoroughly leftist and there’s a strong argument to be made that
lots and lots of people are offended by my videos.
So, what does it *really* mean to be offended?
Some people use it to mean they don’t like something.
Others use it to mean they find something harmful or dangerous.
And others use it just to mean that they’re upset by something.
It has different definitions that mostly seem to change depending on your politics.
Leftists who say “that offends me” often mean “that is dangerous and will cause a
lot of harm” but right-wing folks and some centrists likely hear that simply as “I
don’t like that”.
And those are very different meanings that can lead to two people having a conversation
that goes nowhere because they aren’t properly communicating to each other.
Every time one of them says something, the other one hears it in a different way.
But the truth is, everyone is offended by something.
I don’t think there’s anyone who’s so pleased with the way the world is and with
everyone in that they would never be offended by anyone or anything.
Leftists are offended by actions that are being taken to restrict the rights of queer people.
People on the right are offended by the existence of queer people.
They just don’t call it “being offended”.
Even if you think you never get offended, you're probably offended by people who are easily offended.
Every time I’ve called right-wing people “offended” for something that they were
clearly offended over, I get the same like 3 cookie-cutter replies right back.
“No I’m not offended, I just don’t like that."
"I just have a problem with it."
"I just think it’s dumb.”
Something like that.
But those are all just different ways of saying that you’re offended by something.
You can say it in a different way, but at the end of the day, you’re still offended.
People put that label on me all the time, saying that I’m offended by X, Y, and Z
when I’ve never said that I am, I’ve just said that I don’t like it or that I have
a problem with it.
But for some reason, I’m offended, and they’re not.
Sure.
But really, being offended doesn’t inherently mean you’re in the wrong or the right.
Because for almost everything that happens in the world, somebody is offended by it.
And sometimes, they’re right to be offended by it, and sometimes they’re not.
We only have the rights we have today because the people who came before us were offended
by the lack of rights they had, and they fought to improve that situation.
But on the other hand, sometimes people get offended by stuff because they’re hateful
or misinformed.
If I say I’m a lesbian, and that offends you, tough shit.
Because that’s me.
You may be offended by my identity, but I’m allowed to be who I am.
The fact that you’re offended doesn’t mean that anything about me has to change.
It just means you need to work on not being offended by my identity.
And likewise, if I tell you to vaccinate your kids and get your flu shot -- and by the way,
please vaccinate your kids and get your flu shot -- that’s going to offend anti-vaxxers,
the people who believe that vaccines are harmful even though literally all of the evidence
is stacked against them.
They’re offended, not because something in the world is truly doing harm, but because
they’re misinformed.
And that’s what I mean by being offended doesn’t automatically make you wrong or right.
Sometimes it’s good and compassionate to be offended, because you don’t want harm
to come to you or others.
Other times, it’s just hatred or misinformation that causes people to be offended over nothing.
So that’s the weird thing about the phrase “being offended” -- it has several different
meanings, everyone feels it but lots of people think they don’t, and it says nothing about
whether you’re wrong or right or even why you’re upset.
All of that together is basically why I don’t say that I’m offended, ever.
I’m sure I have in the past at some point, but for the last, I don’t know, couple years
or so, I’ve made a conscious effort not to say “I’m offended.”
The exception is when I’m joking, I feel like I use it sarcastically a lot.
The fact that you don't like pineapple on pizza offends me.
But when I’m being serious, instead I say something that more directly gets at how I’m
feeling and, hopefully, conveys my message more effectively and can’t be misconstrued.
So I’ll say that something is harmful or hurtful.
Or that it furthers oppression or marginalization.
Or that its racist or homophobic.
Whatever particular thing I don’t like, I try to basically explain why I don’t like it.
I try to focus on it’s impact and what it will do to people.
And, like, we shouldn’t have to do this.
We should be able to say that we’re offended and explain why and have people listen to us.
But often, in conversations or arguments, people will shut down if you say that you’re
offended -- simply because it’s become such a buzzword with an implied meaning of being irrational.
So, it sucks that we’ve lost a word that could convey how we felt about harmful stuff,
but I just personally don’t ever find it useful anymore.
In every instance where I could say I’m offended, there’s a better way for me to
say that -- a way that will actually have people listen to me instead of shutting down.
And if you’re trying to have a conversation with someone and convince them that something
is bad, you want them to be open to listening to you.
So my little bit of advice to you is to drop that word from your vocabulary.
It hasn’t solved all my issues with communicating ideas to people, obviously, but I do think it’s helped.
And you’re by no means obligated to do this -- if you want to say that you’re offended, go for it.
I’ll support you in that.
But this is just one little thing that I thought I might share with you in case you want to use it.
Obviously, not all arguments are had for the sole purpose of convincing the other person
in the most effective way possible, sometimes you’re just angry, or sad, or hurt -- and
that’s okay.
This is just an option I’m laying out for you in case you want it.
So yeah, “offended” isn’t a very useful word anymore.
And now, right-wing folks are doing a similar thing to “triggered” which is a real,
genuine term in psychology that refers to things that cause a person to relive some
form of trauma.
Triggers are a very serious thing.
And now that word is being co-opted by the right to have the same useless, derogatory
meaning as “offended,” and with that catching on in the mainstream, it makes it harder for
people to discuss their legitimate psychological triggers without being mocked.
Like, I know language evolves and changes constantly and in the long run it’s useless
to try and stop it.
But it still sucks to see the right-wing so effectively move their derogatory language
into the mainstream, and I think it’s important that we fight back on it, to some degree.
If you care about protecting those with psychological triggers that force them to relive past trauma,
don’t say “triggered” when you mean “offended”.
There are a bunch of other ways you could say that phrase, and we could shape language
to evolve in a different, better way -- because I know that language never stays static, but
we can at least nudge it along a kinder path.
Anyway, that’s all I had for you today.
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Thanks so much for watching, and I’ll see you next time.