[ Mid-tempo jazz plays ]
♪♪
[ Static ]
-Welcome, everyone, to Woodbridge High School's
"Student Theatre Showcase."
-Written and directed by us, the students.
[ Applause ]
-Before we begin, a warning.
Tonight's performance may cause extreme bouts of progress.
-Now, without further ado, please enjoy
"Mirror to America: A Reflection of You."
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
♪♪
-Help! I'm dying! Can someone help?
-Beep, beep. I have a meeting.
-Beep, beep! I have a party.
-Beep, beep. I need to tweet.
-Will no one stop to help?
I'm [Coughs] dead.
-[ Gasps ]
-Oh, no, there's been a death!
-Check his license. What is his name?
-It says...
"The Earth."
♪♪
-Hell, no. No, no.
♪♪
-And now a song about who really runs the world.
-♪ Who run the world? ♪ -Whites.
♪♪
-Well, why would they do that scene when they're all white?
Just sounded like bragging.
♪♪
-Okay, now let's lighten things up.
Who wants to hear a joke? -Me!
-I do. -Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
-Okay, here's the joke.
They call it SeaWorld.
But they don't see the world.
They... -See walls.
-They... -See tanks.
-They... -See nothing.
-So, before you go to SeaWorld, see yourself inside the tank.
Ma'am, would you like to live in captivity?
-[ Sighs ] Um, no.
-Well, would you like to be separated from your children?
-No.
-Would you like to be jacked off for your sperm?
-Oh, my God!
-Now do you see...
-World?
♪♪
-That was the worst moment of my entire life.
♪♪
-Ladies and gentlemen,
this next scene is completely normal.
-If you have a problem with what you're about to see,
your mind is small. -Your world is small.
-You are small.
And action.
-Hi, boyfriend. I love you.
-That was normal.
♪♪
-It says, "The proceeds from tonight's show
go to Neil Patrick Harris."
He doesn't need that.
♪♪
-♪ Mm-hmm ♪ -♪ Hmm ♪
-My mama used to brush my hair every night before bed,
just to get out the tangles. -[ Humming ]
-Then, one night, I went into her room,
and I said, "Mom, I've got a bad tangle."
[ Voice breaking ] But she was dead.
[ Humming continues ] So treasure your parents,
because you never know when they won't be around
to help you with life's tangles.
[ Humming fades ]
♪♪
-What? I'm her mom.
I'm not dead.
Also, she is such a bitch to me, like, every day.
♪♪
-Tell me, have you ever judged a book by its cover?
-Do you assume everyone's outside
matches their inside?
-For example, sir,
do you think I'm a girl or a boy?
-Um, just based on this show so far,
I'm guessing you're a boy.
-Oh, uh, can you actually say "girl"?
-Fine. You're a girl.
-Wrong! I'm a boy. -Wow!
♪♪
-Oh, my God, look at this.
They have a chair taped off for Caitlyn Jenner.
-She doesn't want to come to this.
♪♪
-Thank you. That was our show.
-As you exit, please leave a bottle of water in this box,
and we're gonna send it to California.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Film projector whirring ]
-Good afternoon.
And welcome to Woodbridge High School's
"Student Theatre Showcase."
-Written and directed by us, the students.
[ Applause ]
-Now, today's show isn't just a show.
It's also a seed.
-A seed that will sprout change in our town
and, hopefully, the whole world.
-And now, without further ado,
please enjoy "The Pulse of Progress: Heartbeat of Change."
♪♪
-The time -- now.
The place -- any high school in America.
-Who's that guy?
-He's weird. -He's a nerd.
-He'll never be anything.
-But what happens if we fast-forward 30 years?
-Who's that guy?
-He's...the President.
♪♪
-You're daughter's really good.
-She's my stepdaughter, and, no, she's not.
-Oh.
♪♪
-Check out this new dress I got.
-Like, like, like, like, like.
-I had a rough day today. Feeling kind of sad.
-Like, like, like, like, like.
-I need some help. I think I'm depressed.
-Like, like, like, like, like.
-Next time, don't like.
Love.
♪♪
-Oh, no. You're gonna be in the play, aren't you?
-No. I'm just a regular audience guy.
-No, you're not. You're sitting too far forward in your --
This gonna suck.
♪♪
-How many times a day do you judge a book by its cover?
Excuse me, sir, a-are you homeless?
-No, I'm just cold. I'm very rich.
-Wow!
-Excuse me, ma'am, are you rich?
-No, I just have good posture. I'm homeless.
-Wow!
-Audience member, are you enjoying the play?
-Here we go.
-Actually, I'm not an audience member.
I'm in the play.
-Wow!
♪♪
-Who is this play for?
-The program says that it's dedicated
to John Lennon and Shonda Rhimes.
♪♪
-Whisper, whisper...
-Whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper,
whisper, whisper, shout!
♪♪
-How long have they been rehearsing this?
-Every single day for a year.
♪♪
-Did you hand in that paperwork?
-Yes.
-Rush, rush, stress, stress.
-Did you finish those files?
-Yes.
-Rush, rush, stress, stress.
-Did you see your daughter's first steps?
-No.
-[ Slowly ] Rush, rush, stress, stress.
♪♪
-I mean, was no one supervising this?
I mean, where is their teacher?
-Trust me, I made cuts.
♪♪
-Bang!
-Bang! -Bang!
-Bang! [ Groans ]
-And guess what.
-We were black.
-Yeah, I'm not okay with that. Uh...
♪♪
-Thank you.
It is now time for a brief intermission,
during which we will all be laying onstage
asleep, like our Congress.
-Feel free to come up here and look at us up close.
-[ Imitates snoring ]
-Man, screw this.
I'm going home to watch "Judge Judy."
-Welcome, everyone,
to Woodbridge High School's Student Theater Showcase.
-Written and directed by us, the students.
[ Applause ]
-And, yes, it's very hard for us to be up here,
doing theater in this current political climate.
-But, now, more than ever,
we artists cannot, and will not, be silenced.
-So, without further ado, please enjoy our show.
Now, more than ever,
we artists cannot, and will not, be silenced.
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
-We open on a very dark day for the world.
-Okay, Jews, let's go!
-Mommy, do we have to?
-Yes, honey.
That's the rules of the Holocaust.
[Sighs] -Okay, Mommy.
And, Mommy, one more question.
What year is it, again?
-Honey, you know what year it is. It's
2017.
-Surprise!
♪♪
-Oh, my God!
-I always forget how bad these are.
-Ugh. That one kind of made a good point, though.
-They can never know you said that.
♪♪
-Look! Look!
It's Kylie Jenner!
-Can I get a selfie?
Can I get a selfie?
-Look, look!
It's Chris Hemsworth!
-Can I get a selfie?
Can I get a selfie?
-Look, look, it's a...
[Dully] scientist.
-Anh, no, thanks!
Wow!
♪♪
-Uh, the program says "Tonight's proceeds go to Standing Rock.
Let's get those Native Americans the pipeline they want"?
-Yeah, I don't think they know what's happenin' there.
♪♪
-Ni hao.
Mai wei perro ni shu.
-Nai sa wa non perro, mai.
-Gan bai perro mi?
Hau shi.
-Perro. Hau shi, hau shi.
-And...scene.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Could you understand that?
-Uh, no.
-Is it because we were speaking Mandarin?
-Yes.
-And you only know English?
-Yes.
-Sad!
♪♪
-That was not Mandarin.
I heard them say "dog" in Spanish a few times.
♪♪
-[ Coughing ]
-[ Humming poignant tune ] -Yep, you guessed it.
I have AIDS.
[ Sighs ]
I used to be sad about my AIDS.
I didn't want AIDS.
My AIDS made me feel less-than.
But, now?
I don't let AIDS define me.
-This one's actually nice.
-I'm okay with AIDS.
I love my AIDS.
I'm glad I have AIDS
and I wish everyone in the world had AIDS
because, frankly, AIDS
-Rocks!
♪♪
-That sort of became pro-getting AIDS?
-Yeah, she overshot the runway at the end there.
♪♪
-Hey, guys. For this next part,
we're gonna do something really fun.
We've been studying improv all semester,
so all we need is a word
and we'll use it to inform this next scene.
-Basketball.
-Okay, basketball.
Here we go.
-[ Crying ] -Honey, why are you crying?
-A kid at school called me a fairy.
-[ Scoffs ] Don't listen to him!
It's great to be gay.
I love you, no matter who you are.
-Thanks, Mom. That's important for me to hear.
-Of course. Now, go wash up for dinner.
-What are we havin'? -Basketball.
♪♪
-That's it?
-I paid $1,000 for that improv class.
♪♪
How about, from now on,
less shooting, more kissing?
-Black Lives Matter!
♪♪
-That was their Black Lives Matter scene?
-I-I'm pretty sure they all just wanted to kiss each other
and then made it about something.
♪♪
-Thank you.
That's our show. -And, remember, guys:
Don't throw away your tickets 'cause, if you save them,
you can frame them. Yes!
[ Cheers and applause ]