- Hi, I'm Lisa.
I'm the director of human resources
or HR here at Smosh.
Smosh isn't much different than any other workplace.
(slapping) (riffing)
Sure, our employees have some non-traditional work methods.
(groaning)
But my job remains the same.
(heavy breathing)
- Power, power, power, power, power, power, three.
(grunting)
- And I like to think I run a pretty tight ship around here.
- It has come to my attention that a number of you
have been making eye contact with me.
No eye contact.
We have one rule here, let's review.
Don't look at me.
It's very simple.
Tim, Tim what were you just doing?
You were just making eye contact with me Tim, I saw it.
I see everything and I saw that.
Look at me Tim, Tim look at me.
It's okay now.
We're on a time out.
You can look at me now.
Okay I promise you can look.
Don't look at me!
Tim! (screaming)
- Shane, Shane, gotta talk about the wardrobe.
This is not appropriate for the workplace.
Can't show the mid drift, got to cover the navel.
You know what makes Tim uncomfortable?
- Yes, that's what's bothering me.
(gentle music)
- Lisa, it's important.
My feet aren't working.
Can I please go home?
- Ian.
(stuttering)
- Please, Ian is so formal.
Just call me Mr. President.
- Mr. President, your shoes are on the wrong feet again.
- Ah, it would appear they are.
Well, can you now please help me put them
on the correct foot and Shane, can you please be my chair?
Can you please Shane?
- No, Ian.
I can't touch your feet.
You can't sit on a co-worker.
This is inappropriate for the workplace.
(crying)
- I can touch his feet.
I've been waiting all day to touch your feet.
- Please, please don't.
- Please, please. - Please, please.
- Yeah, you can fill out this form.
It's says that you're engaged
in a foot-based relationship outside the office.
(laughing)
- I can't believe we're actually doing it legally now.
- Hope things start moving for you, man.
Good luck.
- Damien.
Don't forget personal evaluations in my office this week.
- What?
Lisa, here at work.
- They're mandated by the company.
- No, Lisa.
If you can't be the strong one then I'm going to
have to be.
Mere three feet apart, but a world away.
(grunting)
Lisa's great, but there's just nothing going on between us.
And I know everyone senses like maybe a little tension
there, but you know we're coworkers it could never be.
- Damien thinks I'm in love with him.
And I'm obviously not.
I appreciate his unwavering reluctance to accept
the truth I guess.
- Sure.
Lisa's feelings for me can get a little overwhelming,
but professional is my middle name
and I intend to keep it that way.
Give me the bean water machine, engage.
- Hey Damien, can I get you to sign
the new social media policy?
- Listen, Lisa.
I have no doubt that we would have a beautiful,
wonderful life together.
The poets would sing of it, but this could never be.
(dramatic music)
- Okay.
- Don't say that to me.
You know this is hard for me as it is for you.
- Okay.
- Don't look at me.
Don't give me that look.
- Everything is fine here.
- Somebody sit on me.
I'm going to guess your weight.
- [Group] Go, go, go, go, go, go.
- 72 pounds.
- Well that's right.
(yelling)
- [Group] Human scale, human scale, human scale.
- Who wants to wrestle me, the human scale?
(yelling)
- And sure.
Sometimes they treat me like I'm their mom.
But I'm not a regular mom, I'm a cool mom.
- Lisa, I made a big poop in your office by accident.
Please clean it.
- Is Buzzfeed hiring?
- Have I thought about quitting my job
and running away with Lisa?
Yeah, sure.
I wish I could think of anything else
but also I'm in a lot of debt right now
because Tim tricked me into a pyramid scheme.
And by the way, if you would like an energy drink
that will only make you tired, hit me up.
I got like 40 cases left.
- It's really good.
- You ruined my life, Tim.
- Thank you so much.
I will make sure I have pants on for the next Zoom.
'Cause that was, yeah, I got you.
- Hey, hey Jackie, where are you,
where are you coming from huh?
- Lisa's office.
I just had my performance review.
- Really?
Jackie.
And how did your performance review go?
Did you perform well for Lisa?
Were you up to Lisa's very high standards?
- I don't know.
She said I could come late tomorrow to tomorrow's shoot.
- Don't you (bleep) talk to me Jackie.
You're a goddamn traitor and you know it.
(gentle music)
- Damien.
- No Lisa, no.
Don't let her see you cry old boy.
Don't let her see you cry.
- Well, listen.
At the end of the day, I love my job.
(upbeat music) (yelling)
And I'm great at my job.
I care a lot.
I work very hard.
If anybody wanted to hire me, I'd be great at their company,
hypothetically, but I love my job.
(gentle music)
Hey babe.
Work was weird.
My coworker Damien thinks I'm in love with him or something.
- Huh?
Sounds like a real asshole.
And not your type at all.
- Not at all Tramien, not at all.
- Well, how about I take you to the pumpkin patch?
It's not growing anything yet because it's not in season
but it'll give us some good memories.
- Sounds perfect.
- Alright, off we go.
(gentle music)
(crying)
- Why are you on the internet so bad right now?
- Can it not be Shane?
(laughing)
(upbeat music) (grunting)
- Who wants to wrestle with the human scale?
(yelling)
- Look out! (yelling)