okay so what really happens when you want to talk to a girl but you don't now
for a lot of people that might just seem like you're actually just missing an
opportunity to talk to a great girl that might be really interesting to you and
yet there's a lot more going into that and a lot more happening a lot more side
effects negative side effects in this case that will be a part of that process
so in this video I want to talk to you about what those negative side effects
are what this can lead to and how to turn that process around
I'm Stephan Erdman if here for the first time hit the subscribe button here
and click that notifications bell as well if you want to get the upcoming
videos that are coming out every week at least what's not following your impulses
in social situations for example when you think about wanting to talk to a
girl and then you don't is one of those areas that will have a negative impact
on you why because it sets a negative pattern and negative habit and then what
we usually do we justify that pattern by logic with assumptions that we can't
even prove but it makes us feel better to have some reasonable justifications
for not doing what we actually wanted to do and thus we strengthen the pattern we
strengthen the habit and next time around you in that same situation you
want to talk to a girl it's even harder to do it because you end up just
reinforcing that pattern that you've already done a few times and it gets
worse and worse and in the process we lose confidence further we lose
self-esteem and we become that person that thinks I just can't start a
conversation with a girl even though I want to and we start to become one of
those people that just looks at things while being passive inside
what does other people approach women and hitting it off and then we judge
them usually for being I don't know one of those guys who and we're really just
jealous so that's the worst way that this pattern and this habit can fester
within yourself and you end up feeling bad and low the great thing about
patterns is though that and you can also just change them and
create them and when you do that they stick just as powerfully if you give it
a bit of time and reinforcement so what would you do then in order to change
your patterns or habits around approaching women so that when you see a
beautiful girl and you know the situation is right as well
that you are ready to take the action and start to talk to her and by the way
just in case you're wondering I'm not saying you must always approach a woman
when you have that thought because there are definitely wrong moments to approach
women if she's running for the bus or she's about to step into a taxi and she
looks busy or she's speaking to a lawyer on the phone it's not a good moment to
approach because you have a responsibility not to basically you know
make lemons women's lives harder instead make them better and that's a great
general way of thinking about this but if you want to be able to start talking
to women when the moment is right and you even know almost that she wants to
come over then what can you do to change that approach anxiety pattern that may
well be going on in your mind and that you then justified with logic one of my
biggest principles in life is step by step and when it comes to dating step by
step is definitely the way forward at all times so you want to go step by step
you want to get yourself set into a pattern of you follow your impulse step
by step so you want to practice following your impulse with people in a
social environment so if your pattern currently is to stop yourself from
following your impulse to start to talk to a woman for example then you need to
start to practice a new pattern which is to follow your impulse now what I always
say to people whenever you want to practice a new social skill and go with
a low pressure situation first so think a low pressure situation for following
your impulse in a social environment well the simple thing is when you're in
a supermarket that's always a low pressure situation there are people that
work there for you or whatever when you have that impulse to have a quick chat
with somebody let's say at the checkout and just ask them how they're doing or
whatever and just add a bit of extra social interaction into the mix
rather than just saying yeah here's your twenty pounds or whatever
and then you are starting to set a new pattern so number one look pressure
social environments and follow your impulse rather than the whole bag so
have that quick conversation make that person feel better than when you when
you found them and move on yeah and then do that repeatedly for a few days and
notice the difference then you've said started to set a new pattern which is
you follow your instincts a little bit and express a little social interaction
and make them feel better then the same thing you can do with people in social
situations of groups of people okay so if you out with your friends you might
do that same thing but just extend it a little bit with friends of your friends
or people that you happen to meet in the process of meeting with them okay and
you just do the same thing when you have that impulse you just set that pattern
off oh yeah I'm just gonna follow it I'm just gonna say it out loud what comes
into my mind - you have a little interaction with you and make you feel
good in the process and then when you're comfortable with that you can go to the
third step and you can use that same process when you are meeting women in
public areas and you don't know them yet because you have now conditioned
yourself to be able to know that when you have a quick conversation with
somebody you can make them feel good and they can feel better as a result does
that make sense so when you get to that stage
don't focus on getting the number or that you have to succeed or anything
like that just focus on starting that conversation making them feel better
than you found them and then in that process figure out whether you want to
take our number that's it that's how I think about this in a nutshell of course
I can teach you a lot more about that whole process of talking to a girl for
the first time and getting a number for that you want to check out my approach
it will program I probably put that into the you know cards here and you can
probably also follow that link here below but that's in a nutshell how you
would get yourself to create a new pattern around approaching women or
starting conversations with women and just say once more
it doesn't mean that you have to approach every woman that you see I just
want you to have that freedom of being able to when you feel the moment is
right that there's nothing else holding you back apart from your good judgment
about not putting a woman in a really difficult spot if this makes sense let
me know if you have questions about this approach let me know I'm happy to share
my further thoughts with you on this if you have constructive comments in the
comment section and of course the approachable program is here I put a
link to the six-week double your confidence challenge in here as well
because that will help you to create patterns in your mind that basically
make you feel more confident and develop more self-esteem
there's also the pinger lingo 2.0 program which is a conversation skills
program that teaches you patterns to communicate with women in a way that
just naturally then starts to attract them and that's also a great program for
patterns all about conversation skills those are my recommendations for next
steps let me know what you think and I speak to you very soon