>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WELCOME BACK.
MY NEXT GUEST IS AN EMMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR AND COMEDIAN
YOU KNOW FROM HIS STANDUP "MR. SHOW," AND "ARRESTED
DEVELOPMENT." PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE
SHOW, DAVID CROSS! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING )
>> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
THANKS FOR BEING HERE, MAN. HOW ARE YA?
>> GOOD. THANKS FOR HAVING ME.
>> Stephen: YEAH, IT'S A PLEASURE.
YOU HAVEN'T BEEN HERE SINCE 2019, JULY OF 2019.
>> YEAH, THAT WAS -- >> Stephen: LOT'S HAPPENED
SINCE THEN. >> YEAH, I -- I SHRUNK A LITTLE
BIT. >> Stephen: IS THAT ONE TO
HAVE THE SIDE EFFECTS OF THE PANDEMIC FOR YOU?
HOW HAS YOUR PANDEMIC BEEN? >> OH, FANTASTIC.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU FOR ASKING.
REALLY EXCEPTIONAL I'D SAY. I GOT THIS PANDEMIC SWEATER.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: MM-HMM.
O I'M ALLOWED TO GO ON THE SUBWAY.
>> Stephen: MM-HMM. AND GO INTO RESTAURANTS,
BARS, THINGS OF THAT NATURE. ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: I ASSUME THAT'S AN N-95 TURTLENECK?
>> IT'S -- IS THAT -- IS THAT THE --
>> Stephen: THAT'S THE GOOD ONE.
>> THAT'S THE LETTER AND THE NUMBERS?
>> Stephen: THERE'S THE KN -95 AND THE N-95.
>> I HAVE THE AM-1010 ONE. >> Stephen: THAT'S VERY RARE.
( LAUGHTER ) MM-HMM.
>> BUT, I MEAN, IT'S PRACTICAL, AND --
>> Stephen: LOOKS VERY COMFORTABLE.
>> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: IT'S A GOOD COLOR
ON YOU. >> I AM GOING TO SAY THIS, SINCE
I KNOW I ASSUME EVERYBODY HERE IS VACCINATED AND --
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THEY'RE
VACCINATED. THEY'RE VACCINATED.
>> THEN I'M ALLOWED TO DO THIS? >> Stephen: OOOH, SLOWLY...
MAKE US EARN IT. THERE YOU GO.
MM-HMM. ( CHEERIG )
>> THERE IS CONSTRICTING MY LIPS.
MY LIMITS WON'T CLOSE PROPERLY. >> Stephen: THEY WON'T CLOSE
PROPERLY? >> YEAH.
>> Stephen: YOUR GUMS ARE GOING TO DRY OUT.
>> THERE'S A LOT OF -- IT'S WORTH IT.
HOW LONG IS THE SEGMENT, TE MINUTES?
I CAN DEAL WITH THAT. >> Stephen: NO.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT. ( LAUGHTER )
THAT DIDN'T HELP. >> Stephen: SO I UNDERSTAND
YOU HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT. YOU HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT?
>> I DO. OKAY --
>> Stephen: NO, NO. OKAY.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WHATEVER YOU'RE
COMFORTABLE -- WHATEVER YOU'RE COMFORTABLE WITH BECAUSE PEOPLE
HERE, THEY'RE ALL WEARING MASKS, I DON'T WEAR A MASKS BECAUSE,
YOU KNOW, MONEY-MAKER. BUT WHATEVER YOU'RE COMFORTABLE
WITH, DAVE, PLEASE. >> LET ME JUST GET AN EAR OUT.
( LAUGHTER ) WELL, I DO HAVE A BIG
ANNOUNCEMENT. ALL RIGHT, THIS IS BULL
( BLEEP ). ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YEAH. YEAH.
OH, THAT'S GOOD STUFF! OH, YEAH!
>> Stephen: THERE YOU ARE. OKAY.
WE'LL JUST EDIT THAT WHOLE PART OUT AND JUST START HERE.
( LAUGHTER ) YEAH, SO I DO HAVE A BIG
ANNOUNCEMENT THAT I'D LIKE TO LET EVERYBODY KNOW.
>> Stephen: YEAH, WHAT'S GOING ON?
>> I HAVE BEEN SUBPOENAED BY THE HOUSE INTELLIGENCE COMMITTEE
INVESTIGATING THE JANUARY 6th INSURRECTION.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: YOU'RE BEING
SUBPOENAED? >> I'M BEING SUBPOENAED, BUT I
HAVE A PLAN. I'M GOING TO -- I'M GOING TO
CLAIM THE FIFTH AMENDMENT AND THE THIRD AND THE 22nd.
YEAH, I'M GOING TO -- >> Stephen: THE THIRD
AMENDMENT IS YOU CANNOT QUARTER --
>> YOU CANNOT FORCE ME TO QUARTER A SOLDIER.
>> Stephen: IN PEACETIME? YEAH.
ABSOLUTELY NOT. AND I WILL -- I'M GOING TO LET
THEM KNOW. OKAY, THAT'S THE FIRST THING I'M
GOING TO LET THEM KNOW BECAUSE I'M GOING TO SAY NOT ONLY AM I
PLEADING THE FIFTH BUT I'M ALSO PLEADING THE THIRD BUT, GUESS
WHAT? I'M ALSO PLEADING THE FIRST
AMENDMENT, WHICH IS THE FREEDOM OF SPEECH, SO I CAN SAY WHATEVER
I WANT. AND WITH THAT RIGHT, I'M GOING
TO PLEAD THE 22nd AMENDMENT, AND NO PRESIDENT CAN BE SERVED
THREE TERMS. SO LET'S THINK ABOUT THAT WHILE
YOU'RE QUESTIONING ME, A TRUE PATRIOT.
>> Stephen: SURE. COPYRIGHT.
>> Stephen: DAVID, I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY, THE PANDEMIC'S BEEN
HARD ON PERFORMERS. WHAT'S IT LIKE, YOU KNOW, BEING
IN FRONT OF A LIVE AUDIENCE AGAIN?
>> STEPHEN, IT'S FANTASTIC. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>( BANTER ) I'M SO SORRY, I -- I --
( LAUGHTER ) I LEFT -- I LEFT MY VERY SPECIAL
SUPER COOL GLASSES ON TOP OF THAT GENTLEMEN'S HEAD EARLIER.
>> Stephen: WOW. GOT TO GO GET THEM.
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE -- AND CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG -- ARE
YOU TOURING AGAIN? BECAUSE, OBVIOUSLY, DURING THE
PANDEMIC, NOBODY CAN DO ANYTHING.
ARE YOU GOING OUT ON THE ROAD AGAIN?
( LAUGHTER ) >> UM -- NO, I WAS, UH -- I WAS,
UNFORTUNATELY, UH -- CAN YOU NOT HEAR ME IN.
>> Stephen: I GOT YOU NOW. I CAN HEAR YOU NOW.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: GO ON, GO ON.
I'M TRYING. >> Stephen: NOT VERY HARD.
OKAY. I WAS -- THIS IS FOR REAL.
I WAS GOING TO GO OUT ON TOUR. I WAS PLANNING A TOUR THAT WAS
GOING TO START IN MID -NOVEMBER, AND --
>> Stephen: OF? OF LAST YEAR.
>> Stephen: OKAY. YEAH, OKAY.
>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW, MAN, IT' BEEN TWO YEARS?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW? YOU HAVEN'T BEEN HERE SINCE JULY
OF 2019. I'M NOT YOUR SOCIAL SECRETARY.
>> I THINK I'M GOING TO GUESS THAT CLOSE TO 100% OF THE
AUDIENCE COULD FILL IN THAT I MEANT THIS RECENT NOVEMBER.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERING )
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
IT'S TRUE, THANK YOU. >> Stephen: THAT IS SO TRUE.
THAT IS SO TRUE. ( LAUGHTER )
WHAT ELSE? COMEDY IS YOUR FIRST LOVE.
WHEN WAS THE FIRST TIME YOU WERE ON STAGE?
>> YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY YOU WOULD ASK THAT, STEPHEN, BECAUSE
I DO HAVE A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT. ( LAUGHTER )
AND -- >> Stephen: IS THIS YOURS?
IT IS. I DIDN'T TOUCH IT.
I MEAN, I -- >> Stephen: YEAH, YOU DID.
WELL, I WENT UP TO MY SWEATER.
MY SWEATER DRANK OF IT. WHICH CAMERA, WHICH --
( LAUGHTER ) ALL RIGHT.
SO, STEPHEN, DAVID, IT GIVES ME GREAT PLEASURE TO LET ALL OF US
KNOW THAT I AM DROPPING A BRAND-NEW COMEDY SPECIAL CALLED
I'M FROM THE FUTURE. I TAPED IT IN NOVEMBER.
>> Stephen: IS THIS TRUE? THIS IS ALL TRUE.
>> Stephen: NOVEMBER? YES, NOVEMBER.
>> Stephen: NOVEMBER OF -- OF LAST YEAR.
I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO OUT ON TOUR, HAD TO CANCEL THE TOUR
BECAUSE OF THAT JERK COVID, AND THEN -- BUT I WAS LIKE -- TOTAL
A-HOLE. AND I'M GOING TO GO TAPE THIS
SPECIAL, AND I TAPED IT IN BROOKLYN AGAIN IN NOVEMBER.
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT. AND IT'S ALL BRAND-NEW MATERIAL,
IT'S CALLED "I'M FROM THE FUTURE."
YOU CAN GET IT ON MY WEB SITE STARTING FEBRUARY 12th,
OFFICIAL DAVID CROSS.com. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: I'M HAPPY FOR YOU, MAN.
GLAD YOU'RE GETTING BACK OUT THERE.
HIS COMEDY SPECIAL, "I'M FROM THE FUTURE," WILL PREMIERE ON
FEBRUARY 12 ON HIS WEBSITE. DAVID CROSS, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )