Heya playa, when it comes to talking to someone that you like do you find
it difficult to find that delicate balance between talking to them
too much and just bothering them or talking them too little and just getting no response back?
If that's the case don't worry.
I want to walk you through some of the most common mistakes people tend to make
when they try to start conversations with their crush and how you can find that delicate sweet
spot right in the middle that's gonna allow you to have the best conversation with them ever.
Having a conversation with someone, especially someone that you really really like
might seem super difficult in theory but it really boils down to two main components.
Talking about them and then talking about yourself.
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret here that most people probably would never
admit, everyone's favorite conversation topic is themselves.
People love to talk about their hobbies and their interests, their likes and dislikes,
the things they want to do, the things that they're watching on tv, all of it.
And the reason is because we all have this deep desire to feel seen
and heard for who we are so the more you can share about yourself the better you feel.
So let's take a look at this clever little chart I put together here.
If you're talking to your crush and the focus of the conversation is on them,
you're going to end up on the left-hand side.
Now ideally you want to be in the middle but if you're learning about your crush
and asking them a lot of questions and talking to them too much about themselves,
you're gonna end up in that top left part and you're gonna become the interviewer.
This is when all you do is constantly ask your crush question after question
after question to the point where they feel like they're applying for some type of job.
"Hey, so what are some of your favorite hobbies?"
"Hey, I love dancing, playing video games, and just going to the park with my friends."
"Oh, what's your favorite ice cream flavor?"
"Um, chocolate."
"Do you have any pets?"
"Yeah um, I have a dog."
"What's your favorite Disney movie?"
"Disney movie? um..."
"Have you ever traveled overseas?"
"Do you play any instruments?"
"Do you have a favorite age or a month?"
"Favorite favorite month?"
"Yeah like, a favorite month. Like, I like April when I was seven."
Asking questions is no doubt a super powerful technique to learn more about your crush but
if you're not going to create space for each of their answers and dive in and
explore them even more they're really just going to feel like you're just
asking them things to ask them you don't really care about what they have to say.
So what if you don't ask them any questions or take time to learn anything about them?
Well, you're going to end up in the bottom left quadrant here and
they're going to feel like you have a real lack of interest.
The last thing you want is for your crush to feel like they're
boring you by sharing details about their life.
If they see that you just don't care about what they have to say they're gonna pull back and
it's gonna be harder for you to actually develop a deeper connection with them.
"So do you um, like stuff?"
"Yeah, I guess so. I mean I love dancing and playing video games. How about you?"
"Cool, I don't really like those things."
"Okay."
"Cool."
Learning about your crush is going to help you start to see what you
truly have in common with them and where you guys connect but
a major part of connection is also sharing about yourself so let's jump over to the right side of
this chart here so we can see what happens if you share too much or too little with them.
When you share way too much and talk about
yourself non-stop you're going to come off as self-centered.
Your crush is going to feel like all you really want to do is brag about your own
accomplishments and you don't really care about what anyone else has to say.
"You know Billie Eilish is following me on Instagram."
"Really? That's so cool. How'd you get her to follow you? I've
been such a huge fan of her for so many years..."
"Please, I've had a bunch of celebrities follow me on Instagram so it's not even that big of a deal.
In fact, celebrities just love to follow my account because I'm that damn cool."
"Oh okay um well how do you get so many celebrities to follow you?"
"Well, they follow me because I got a million followers,
duh. I mean you said you're a Billie Eilish fan right?"
"Yeah, I love her."
"You know I used to be a fan but now that me and Billie are like this,
I don't consider myself a fan anymore. I'm like a close friend, like a best friend maybe."
It's totally fine to share the awesome things going on in your life with your crush.
If you're working on any cool projects.
If you're doing anything really cool at school or you have a job that you're really proud of.
Let them know all about that.
The more that they can really dive into who you are as a person,
the more they can see how they connect with you.
Just don't brag or gloat about things because it might give you that high status in the very
beginning but as they get to know you they may start to feel like you're a bit too
shallow and not want anything to do with you.
But what if you don't share anything with your crush.
Being mysterious is a good thing right?
Well, if you do it too much it can actually come off as kind of weird or creepy.
If your crush likes you, they're gonna want to get to know you.
But if you keep things hidden and you don't really share anything about yourself at all
there's just gonna wonder who is this weird person and where did he come from and what does he want?
"So I hear you're friends with Roman right?"
"How do you know that? Where'd you hear that? I can neither confirm nor deny."
"Um, my friends Jimmy and Jey told me. They also told
me you're in band with them. What instrument do you play?"
"I play the... mind your business. Why do you even want to know?"
"It's just a question...?"
Most of the time the reason why we don't really share a lot about
ourselves is because we're more shy or introverted which is totally okay.
But remember, everything is small steps.
So, pick one attribute about yourself even if it's something small that you're proud of,
and share it with your crush.
Let them get at least a little bit of a glimpse into who you are.
That means that you're not going overboard, you're not omitting things,
you're asking them questions about them and you're also sharing things about yourself.
So how do you get there?
Well, the solution is going to be to follow this one very specific piece of advice.
Go deeper into the topic.
That means if your crush is sharing a personal story or something about their lives,
ask more questions about that specific thing.
It's going to show them that you're curious about that thing that they're sharing.
You can also go deeper by finding something in your
own life that relates to what they're sharing.
Let them know about an experience that you had that's similar to theirs.
That's gonna allow you to seem relatable to them and
it's gonna help you feel like the two of you actually have more in common.
I know the idea of carrying a conversation can be a bit scary because you might not know what
to talk about which is exactly why I've put together this free conversation guide for you.
These are my 20 icebreaker conversation starters.
I want you to use them when you talk to your crush.
In this guide, I break down not only questions but good follow-up questions, alternate questions,
and ways you can carry the conversation forward where it doesn't stagnate and get boring.
The link for that free guide will be featured down below but I'm curious,
where do conversations with you and your crush fall along this chart?
Do you feel like you're interviewing them and asking them way too many questions?
Do you feel like you're pulling back too much and not really asking them
anything to the point where they feel like you're bored?
Do you feel like you brag about yourself and talk about your own accomplishments non-stop?
Or do you feel like you don't share anything and come up weird and creepy?
Getting to that center point is gonna take time so practice
having conversations with anyone that you can.
Talk to your friends, talk to your family, and talk to your crush.
The more you can work on your conversation skills the better you're gonna be at it.
On that note guys, I'll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.