- Hello, I'm Aubrey Plaza.
And as you know, I'm a very busy advertising executive,
but on my lunch breaks, I like to do internet quizzes.
So today I'm gonna do one on Buzzfeed.
Love their quizzes.
They're so random.
This one is called, Answer these Yes-or-No Questions
and We'll Tell You How You Die in a Horror Film.
I hope my boss doesn't walk in.
Question number one.
Do you tend to trip over absolutely nothing
when you're away from someone/something?
The answers are Yes, No, or I trip every once in a while.
I'm gonna go with Yes.
I'm very uncoordinated.
You're home alone and it's dark outside.
You hear a loud and sudden thump upstairs.
Do you go upstairs to investigate it?
My options are Yes, No, or Heck no, calling the police.
Normally, I would say, Heck no, I'm calling the police,
but I've gotten shamed for that in the past.
I can't be a scared woman, or a fussy woman,
as my ex-husband used to say to me.
To preserve my own integrity, I'm gonna go with No.
I'll just take another Xanax and go back to bed.
Do you believe ghosts and/or paranormal activity exists?
Yes.
That was easy.
Would you call yourself more of a lover than a fighter?
Options are Yes, No, or I'm a little bit of both.
I'm gonna go with, I'm a little bit of both,
because I love love, and I love to get nasty.
I hate myself.
Do you believe aliens exist?
Yes, No, or I'm not sure.
Yes.
Yes, I believe aliens exist.
Yes, I believe that we are not only people in this galaxy.
I'm not some idiot who thinks
that we're special for some reason.
You're out of your (bleep)ing mind
if you think there are no aliens.
Do you believe that the zombie apocalypse is nigh?
Yes, No, or I have no clue.
I'm gonna say, I have no clue,
because in my mind, that just means, I don't care.
Do you, overall, consider yourself an optimistic person?
Hmm.
Yes, No, or I'm a healthy balance.
Now I think normally other people would probably say
that I'm not an optimistic person, but I'm gonna say Yes,
which means that I am an optimistic person.
I'm optimistic that I am optimistic,
and that is the most optimistic thing I could do.
You're given a doll as a gift.
It's creepy.
You place it on a shelf in your living room.
When you wake up the next morning,
the doll has moved to the couch.
Is it haunted?
Options are Yes, No, or Who the heck gave me a doll?
I'm gonna go with, Who the heck gave me a doll?
And why the heck are they moving things around in my house?
It's probably the neighbors.
Would you ever use a Ouija Board
to try and connect with spirits?
Yes, No, or Maybe.
Uh, I'm gonna go with Yes
because I've done that several times,
and I have connected with spirits, so that was easy.
Do you tend to lose your keys a lot at pivotal moments
when you need them the most?
Yes, No, Wow, this is oddly specific.
I tend to lose my keys pretty much at every moment.
I'm definitely a bag lady.
I have a lot of things in my bag.
I usually do the method of closing my eyes
and rummaging around with my hands,
and I go by touch to find my keys,
but I'm assuming that that isn't helpful
when you're being chased by a psychopathic murderer.
Do you believe you are mentally and physically prepared
to survive a horror movie situation?
Yes, No, or Depends on the situation.
Yes.
I mean, you can't mentally or physically prepare
for anything, so yes.
And finally, do you like scary movies?
I'm gonna say, sure, why not?
Is this a real quiz?
Am I gonna actually get an answer at the end?
So I should have actually been clicking on things, right?
(bleep)
It's this new operating system they give you at your job.
It's like Boeing, you know?
You got strangled by a possessed doll.
This is a trick, isn't it?
I was always gonna get that answer because--
- I swear it's not a setup.
- This is a setup.
- There's six different options.
- My answer is, You got strangled by a possessed doll.
You're gifted a popular doll for your birthday
by a close friend.
Only one problem: the doll is a murderous psychopath
with a taste for blood who strangles you in your sleep.
So much for your new best friend.
And there is an image of Chucky pointing two pistols at me,
and I just think this is very fitting, for obvious reasons,
'cause we all know why I'm here.
I'm on my lunch break,
and I'm gonna get fired very soon,
and I'll have to pick a new career path,
starring in horror films, like "Child's Play,"
coming out on June 21st in theaters near you.