Tonight: Is someone listening in on your phone calls? Probably at least one person because you called someone instead of texting them
and that's why everyone hates you. And how young is too young to start drinking alcohol?
This drunk baby's inspiring words may surprise you. All of this and more on tonight's News To Me.
With your host, winner of the 1986 little Mr. Mustache pageant, Chip Chapley.
When there are world events that aren't shared on Facebook by your racist aunt, well, that's news to me. Good evening America,
I'm Chip Chapley. We begin tonight with entertainment news.
Nostalgia based reality TV program,
"I Love The Teens," has been taken off the air amidst controversy over the show's title.
The show's producers and networks say they understand their mistake and will rework the show under the new name:
"Grown Men Can't Get Enough Of Those Sweet Sweet Teens."
If successful they plan to follow it up with the spin-offs, "Teen Meat" - a tribute to the best sausages cooked in the current decade ,and
"Sweaty Underage Teen Sleepover" - a documentary about newly formed summer camps for at-risk youth in
Arizona and Nevada.
Can drinking bleach actually kill you? We asked our viewers to test this popular urban myth and, so far,
not a single one is called in to say they're dead, so, drink up. Now it's time for Chip's Trips.
This is Abby Babble reporting live from a tanker ship full of starving refugees.
Thanks for filling in on Chip's Trips, Abby. I just couldn't seem to get away this week. Right...
Chip, these refugees have been holed up in the bottom of the ship for weeks as they seek asylum from the cruel dictatorship
Of their home country of Soldavia. Without food, and without an end in sight,
violence has begun to erupt.
Sounds awful, Abby. Hey, is that toxic waste I see in the background?
Uhh, that's right, Chip. Yikes. That sucks. Yeah, it does, Chip. It sucks bad
Better get some aloe on that one Abby next week on chip strips
I'll be jetting to the tropical island paradise of Barduba
This just in the tropical island paradise of Barduba has been hit with a category ten tsu-cano. A tsu-cano,
of course is when a tsunami encounters an active volcano and turns into a hundred foot tall wall of raging lava
Better rest up Abby because you'll be on the next partially deflated inner tube to Barduba.
I don't have any clean water, I promise, I-
Great stuff Abby
Now it's time for chips clips the segment where we air popular viral internet videos without paying the creators in order to fill time
The Internet
It's full of videos of emotional and tearful reunions between brave soldiers and their faithful dogs
This viral clip takes that same idea, but does it more and better
Funny as always internet. keep it up
Bad things, sometimes they happen to good people sometimes they happen to bad people
Sometimes they happen to people that are so far away from where you live it's hard to imagine there are poeple at all.
Sometimes they happen to dogs
Dogs who are good boys, and that's sad
When bad things happen they can make you feel bad, or they can make you feel good because you're glad the bad thing didn't happen to you,
and then well you feel bad about that
Sometimes bad things happen on boats. So many bad things are happening all the time
That the world can seem like a bad place and well it mostly is and we each have to ask ourselves
How much bad stuff happening in the world do I even want to know about well if you're watching me right now
Then you've already answered that question with an emphatic: I want to know about some of that bad stuff.
Maybe even a lot of it
But if taking solace in the fact that while most of the world is suffering I get to drive a nice car
Live in a nice house and fall asleep on a comfy couch while watching a TV so large that it's an affront to God himself
Is wrong?
Well, that's news to me
Good night
Hi, this is Chip Chapley if you're a fan of me like I am and you want more news to me like I do you
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