-You're watching MNN, Manhattan public access.
At 2:00 p.m., it's "What's That Puddle?"
At 1:00 p.m., "Inside the Actor's Studio Apartment."
We now go live to John Jay Park.
[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
-[ Hoarsely ] ♪ Mystery and style ♪
♪ And poison and tar ♪
♪ Oh, we burn for cigarettes ♪
-Oh, oh, that winded me.
Hi. I'm Camilla Dubadiamonds.
-And I'm Terry Before.
This is our show -- "Cigarette Show."
-"Smoke Chat."
We have not agreed on the name yet.
-Here, we talk about the dying art
of smoking cigarettes.
-And give cigarette smokers a voice.
-Which, unfortunately, sounds like this.
-We, uh -- We work down the street
at Lenox Hill Hospital, where our job is,
we hold you still during an MRI.
-Yeah, we do this show here
because you can't smoke within 50 feet of a hospital.
-And this is 51, okay?
As always, we're joined by our band leader,
who is also our boss,
lifelong smoker Dr. Lonny Rait-Dapist.
-Ah, thank God for you smoking nurses.
You remind me of the good old days.
[ Coughing ]
-Oh, I love ya, Lonny.
You know, the three of us,
we used to hate each other for many reasons.
-But turns out, we all smoke, so now we're friends.
-You only need seven minutes to really know someone.
-And that's how long the cigarettes.
-Now it's time for our first segment --
places we have ashed this week.
Cup... -Shirt...
-The floor... -Bedpan...
-Dog... -Ashtray.
-Where'd you ash, Lonny? -A baked ziti, for seasoning.
-It's time to bring out our guest.
Here to talk about smoking overseas,
it's some French tourists I met at JFK.
Please welcome Brigitte and Florian.
[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
♪♪
-Oh, uh, it is, uh, "Kinky Boots."
-Uh, well, no, this is a park next to a playground
next to a hospital by the river.
-Ah, cool. That is, uh, so New York.
Apple that is big. -Ha.
Well, now tell us something about smoking in France.
-Well, uh,
but one difference,
in America, you smoke like this.
-in France, we smoke like this.
-Oh, I get it. They're using tongue. Yes.
-Hey, Lonny, tell us about
when you used to smoke in the hospital.
-Oh, it was wonderful back then.
And the best was obstetrics,
'cause I'd knock out the mother with laughing gas,
perch my ashtray on the belly, pull the baby out,
and give him a drag.
-No, you didn't! -You don't know.
Used to be, during a long surgery,
the nurse would come in and carve a roast beef tableside.
-Wow. So New York.
-How else is smoking in France?
-In America, you smoke after sex.
-Right. And in France, we marry our husband's father.
-Oh, well, it seems like
something got a little lost in translation there.
But time for the educational portion of the show --
things we heard.
-[ Clears throat ]
I heard that if you smoke a lot,
it's actually better than if you smoke a little.
-Yeah, I heard that if you smoke in bed,
it's more comfortable. -Yeah.
-I heard that the show that is very good is the "Kinky Boots."
-Right.
I heard the M&M's store now sells spaghetti.
-Oh, cigarettes are under attack in America.
-I mean, yeah, yeah, sure,
they're bad for you and they kill you.
-But what people forget is
that they look cool and they feel good.
And also they kill you, which sometimes can be a positive.
-Cosign, cosign.
Now, before we wrap things up, let's thank today's sponsor.
-Right, our sponsor today is umbrella.
You can smoke in the rain with umbrella.
-But not a vape,
'cause those will blow up in your face when they're wet.
-That's all the time we have.
Thanks to guests, Brigitte and Florian.
This has been... -"Smoke Show."
-Oh, that's cute. I like that.
[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
-♪ Ya light it and ya puff it ♪
♪ And then you throw it on the ground ♪
♪ We burn for cigarettes ♪