- For a friend, you're quite a find,
hope you'll be my Valentine?
Hey, I'm not a find!
- Ah, don't be so modest.
Happy Valentine's Day, Orange.
- Yay, now read mine!
- Hey Little Apple,
I bet it must be hard reading a letter,
when you're smaller than the card.
Um, thanks Orange.
- You're welcome!
Hey, (swoosh) read yours Pear!
- Sometimes you're like an apple,
sometimes you're like a pear.
Either way it goes, you still don't have any hair.
- (laughs) You're a chrome dome. (laughs)
- Is that your idea of a Valentine?
- Yeah!
All right, Marshmallow's turn.
- Hey fluffy face, you're made of sugar.
So how come when you sneeze, you still blow out boogers?
(laughs) You're tickling me with words (laughs).
- Orange, you're doing it wrong.
Do you even understand what this day means?
- Duh, it's the day you write your feelings
on a heart shaped card.
- Yeah, good feelings.
Stuff like,
"Thanks for being my friend and not always calling me a--
- A midget? (laughs)
(groans)
See, I know all about Valentine's Day,
and now we're gonna light off fireworks
until the Easter monkey lays his eggs.
- Yay!
- No, no, that's not even.
Wow, I don't even know where to start.
- With a Valentine, geez, someone's slow today.
- Okay, Orange, let's try this.
See Passion over there?
- Hi, Orange.
- Whoa, hey, hey Passion.
- Remember, it's Valentine's Day.
Try to say something nice.
- Hey Passion!
- Yes, Orange?
- Roses are red, violets are blue, you look like an angel--
- Yes?
- That belongs in the zoo (laughs).
(juice splats) - Ow!
- That's for making fun of my costume.
- Ow, she really knows how to make a point (laughs).
- Well maybe if you'd say something nice.
- What?
It's better than what I was gonna say.
- What's that?
- Hey, you, dressed like Cupid,
don't you know you look so stupid? (laughs).
(juice splats) Ow!
- I'm not deaf, you know.
- That's it, I quit.
I'm not even gonna wait for the groundhog to see my shadow.
- What?
- Huh?
- Yay, I love groundhogs!
- Look, you just need practice.
Why don't you talk to that grape over there.
(swish) - Hi, hi Orange.
- Nah, he looks like a little whiner (laughs).
- No, Orange, just say something nice to him.
No puns, no jokes, and keep it clean.
- (sighs) Okay, you can do this Orange.
Say something nice. (tense music)
(groans)
(crunching)
(gulps)
Hey!
- What, what is it Orange?
- Happy Valentine's Day!
(sigh of relief)
- Knife!
(knife slicing)
- Whoa!
- Hey, thanks Orange!
Oh crap, did it again.
(swish) (blades scraping)
- [Narrator] Valentine's Day.
It's full of love, romance, and passion,
but that's not what you're getting this Valentine's Day.
You're getting something much, much better.
(record scraping) (mumbling)
- [Oranges] Hey, who turned out the lights?
I guess now we know what it's like to be dark chocolate.
(laughs)
(knives scraping)
- [Announcer] Welcome to The Dating Game!
Here's your host, Art Sweetheart.
- Hello, and welcome to another episode of
The Dating Game, the show where we play Cupid
or we look stupid, ha-ha!
(crowd laughs)
Let's get right to it and meet our bachelorette.
(crowd cheers) She describes herself
as sweet and sassy.
Say hello to Passion Fruit!
So Passion Fruit, tell us about the men in your life.
- Well Art, most of the men in my life are really sweet,
but they can also be really annoying.
(crowd laughs)
- So would you say when it comes to meeting Mr. Right Fruit,
you can really, pick 'em?
Ha-ha. (crowd laughs)
- Yeah, they're annoying because they say stuff like that.
(crowd laughs)
- Well let's see if we can play matchmaker for you, Passion.
Say hello to bachelor number one!
(crowd cheers)
- I'm talking to a girl, huzzah!
(crowd laughs)
- Uh, hi bachelor number one.
- Bachelor number two.
(crowd clapping)
- (speaks in foreign language) Passion, I look forward
to getting to know you very well.
(crowd cheers)
- Ooh, I like your accent bachelor number two.
- And last but not least, bachelor number three.
(record scraping) (crowd clapping)
- Hey, hey Passion Fruit, hey Passion Fruit!
Hey Passion Fruit, hey! (crowd laughs)
- Wait, that voice sounds familiar.
- Oh, I'm sure you're completely mistaken Passion.
What do you say we move on to the first question?
- Oh, pick me!
Pick me, bachelor number three, come on, pick me!
- Bachelor number one--
- (groans) Come on!
- If we went on our first date, what would we do?
- Oh boy, you're so beautiful, oh no!
Spritzing, spritzing on the lovely, oh no!
(crowd laughs)
- (laughs) He sounds like a motor boat making a milkshake!
(laughs) (crowd laughs)
- Did he say motor boat?
- Uh pardon moi, but I believe what bachelor number one
was trying to say is,
a first date with one as lovely as you,
would be the last first date of his life.
(crowd cheers) - Holy jumping
jeda-watts, that was smooth!
- Whew, I, well, that's rather forward.
- Passion, my philosophy is never look back.
So I can only be forward, yes?
(crowd cheers) - (laughs) Stupid Apple,
Red Onion made french toast out of you.
(chuckles) (crowd laughs)
- Okay, see, I'm getting that feeling again.
(crowd laughs)
- You'll have to pardon bachelor number three.
It is safe to say we are all intoxicated by your presence.
- Zo-dee ow a zowee!
- I think we can forget about bachelor number one.
(crowd laughs) - (laughs)
Apple's such a mush mouth!
(laughs) (crowd laughs)
- Let me remind the bachelors,
that you're not supposed to
reveal the identities of one another.
- I'm not a bachelor, I'm an Orange.
(crowd cheers)
- Wow, I'm totally shocked.
- See, I told you sparks would fly,
ha-ha! (crowd laughs)
- Can I talk to the super hot French guy now?
- Super hot french fry?
Be careful, you might burn your tongue.
(laughs) (crowd laughs)
- That is entirely possible.
- Question, ooh, ooh, question, come on, question!
- Okay, that's really not necessary.
- Come on, nobody's asked me anything.
- (groans) Fine, bachelor number three.
- Yay, I win, suck it Red Onion!
(laughs) (crowd laughs)
- I am not an onion you buffoon.
(crowd laughs) - If we went on
our first date--
- But I don't own a calendar. (crowd laughs)
- A date, you idiot, like when two fruits
really, really like each other.
- Oh, sorry, that's not gonna happen.
(record skipping) - What?
- Yeah. (slow piano music).
I've already got someone I really like.
She's totally smart, and pretty, and purple.
And whenever I see her,
I feel like I just ate a butterfly made of chocolate.
If you know what I mean.
(crowd sighs)
- I think I do bachelor number three.
It's what's on the inside that counts.
- Well, since I've clearly lost control of the show,
let's lower the wall and see if Passion is right.
- She would choose this common piece of rubbish over me?
Clearly I am the superior fruit.
- Yowzatoy, it's back to Skyrim for me.
(crowd cheers)
(lasers firing)
(crowd screams) (juices splatting)
(suspenseful music) - Whoa!
- Oh my God, Orange, are you okay?
- Yeah, poor guy.
I think he really had a crush on you, Passion.
(laughs) (crowd laughs)
- (groans) Please stop.
- Well, while we're busy contacting our attorneys,
(crowd clapping) you kids go out there,
and have a great time on your date!
- Yeah, come on Passion, there's room for you too.
- Get him off me, get him off me!
(crowd laughs) (laughs)
- Giddy up, Date!
(swish)
(knives scraping)
Kola Kola, babola, banana fana fafola, me my mobola,
Kola! (laughs)
- Absolutely incredible.
- Thanks, it just came to me.
- Yeah I'm not talking to you.
I'm talking to, her.
- Ola, Kola.
- Oh, hi Mento.
- Orange, is that can of Kola
in love with that pack of Mentoes?
- Kiss me you aluminum hunk.
- No! (gentle instrumental music)
(thud) (record scraping)
- What's the big idea dude?
- Yeah Pear, you totally just pop blocked him. (laughs)
- Do you have any idea what happens when Kola meets Mentoes?
- I don't know, babies?
- An explosion!
- An explosion of love? (upbeat instrumental music)
- No! (swish)
- Hey guys, what's up?
(gasps) Oh be still my heart.
(swish) - Now you put
the ball in baller, Balloon, look at you.
- Take me, take me now!
- No! (tense instrumental music)
(squelching) (record scraping)
- There he goes pop blocking again. (laughs)
(trombone music) That's right,
I am pop blocking.
'Cause a pop is exactly what's gonna happen
if the two of you get together!
- Well, I think we should be free to love whoever we choose.
- Yeah!
- (screams) Am I the only one here
without the brain the size of an insect.
- Hey, I resent that, oh my God.
(swish)
- Oh looking fly boy!
- Seriously?
You're in love with a can of bug spray?
- We don't choose who we love Pear.
- Come here,
you big beautiful love bug.
(springs)
- No!
(metal clanking) (record scraping)
(swish) (relaxed instrumental music)
- Hey, what's going on here?
- (groans) I'm trying to stop Romeo and Juliet here
from making the worst decisions of their lives.
- Oh well you're talking to the right person.
I happen to be a professional matchmaker.
- Perfect.
- That's just what I need.
- Now, everyone listen up, Pear's right.
There are couples fated for true love,
and then there are couples doomed to fail.
- He does make a good point.
- The key is to keep your wits about you and be patient.
Trust me, with my help,
it's only a matter of time before you meet--
(swish)
(sparking) Oh, the love of your life.
- Hoo, what a match, dang you hot girl.
- And I gotta say, you're looking banging too boy.
(record scraping) - Oh no,
you cannot fall in love with a stick of TNT!
- Outta my way Pear!
This is love.
- But what about all that stuff you were just talking about?
Patience and stuff?
- That TNT has ignited a passion
in me that cannot be tamed! (tense music)
- She's right, it's Valentines day after all.
Now come here you!
- No!
I give up.
(explosions)
(swish) (knives scraping)
(air whooshing) (relaxed instrumental music)
- Oh man, this Valentine's shindig is a total sausage party.
(heavy metal music) (yelling)
- Boy is it ever! (laughs)
- Oh, how are we gonna turn this around?
We need to get some ladies in here.
(drum roll) - Did somebody say,
(swishing) ladies?
(upbeat rock music)
- How long have you been hiding behind the toaster?
- Emmett the oven mitt,
has been hiding behind that toaster for quite sometime.
But what does Emmett do,
when he's not creeping behind appliances?
Emmett handles hot stuff, hot pots, hot pans,
(swishing) hot women.
(slow blues music)
- Does Emmett also speak in the third person?
- Emmett speaks exclusively in third person,
here's Emmett's card.
(swishing)
- Cool, are you gonna teach me how to find true glove.
(laughs)
(swishing) (upbeat blues music)
- Okay, here comes a lady now, observe the Emmett in action.
(speaks in foreign language)
- Oh do you speak French?
- Emmett certainly does, he knows how to say,
hello as well as goodbye.
- Oh I must say, I am impressed.
Normally I'm too hot for men to handle.
- Emmett specializes in handling, hot things.
(swishing) Here's Emmett's card.
- Oh Emmett. (giggles) (clinking)
- (speaks in foreign language)
And that's how it's done.
(slow blues music) Now,
who's gonna be first at bat?
- Um.
- Fear is not an option, like Emmett always says,
"if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen".
- Why would I get out of the kitchen?
I live here! (laughs)
- You, annoying one, you're up!
Here comes a lady now,
Emmett will hide behind the toaster and coach you.
- Hey Orange.
- Bone juice, Passion.
(record scraping)
- It's (speaks in foreign language) you fool.
- Bon bon.
- Huh? - No!
- Banjo? - No!
- I'll catch you later Orange.
- That's good, Orange-oir. (laughs)
- It's (speaks in foreign language).
(groans)
- Well I think that went pretty well.
- That went horribly,
did you listen to a single thing Emmett taught you?
- Yo, hate the game, not the player.
(groans)
- Uh-oh, Emmett's getting heated.
- Emmett is not getting heated.
Emmett never gets heated.
As Emmett always says,
"if you can't stand the heat, don't tickle the dragon".
You know what Emmett's saying?
(record scraping)
- Oh, not really.
- Orange you wanna woo Passion?
You've gotta practice.
So practice on Emmett, pretend Emmett is Passion.
- Pretend you're Passion?
Okay (clears throat),
whoa Passion, when did you turn into an oven mitt? (laughs)
- You're cool Emmett, keep your--
- Hey, hey Passion, wanna see what I can do?
- Yes Orange, because as a lady,
I dig guys with special talents.
- (blowing raspberry)
- That is not attractive.
- (speaking incoherently)
- It appears Emmett has his work cut out for him.
- What, you need a hand? (laughs)
'Cause you're a glove.
(record scraping) - That's it.
Time for Emmett to kick up the heat.
(click)
(slow romantic music)
Music gives mood lighting, no lady can resist it.
You need all the help you can get.
- Excuse me, is it Emmett?
Emmett the Oven Mitt?
- I certainly am, here's Emmett's card.
And you are?
- I'm seriously offended,
you never called me back, you jerk!
- Snap!
- Oh, the mitt's about to hit the fan boys!
- Emmett can handle it.
Remember, if you can't stand the heat,
don't tamper with the thermostat.
Know what Emmett's saying?
- No I don't!
Perhaps you could explain it to me over the phone sometime!
- Oh my God, is that Emmett the Oven Mitt?
- Um, hello ladies.
- I tried calling you at that number on your card.
- Me too, it was fake!
- Ladies,
let's all chillax a little. (dramatic music)
- Oh, Emmett wants us to chillax.
- Did someone say Emmett?
- Get him.
(screams)
- Emmett, hey!
- Emmett is busy right now!
- Hey Emmett, hey!
- What?
- You're fired. (laughs)
- That's fine, you're beyond help anyway.
- No, fired!
- Huh?
(flaming sound) (screams)
(cheers)
- Well play with fire and you're gonna get bu--
- Whoa, place looks great Orange, love the lighting.
(swish)
(ping)
(squelching sound)
(knives scraping)
(swishing)
- [TV] (mumbles)
- Bored. (click)
- [TV] Breaking news tonight, Marshmallow's gender has--
- Boring.
(click) - [TV] And a crazy and used--
- Bored!
(click) - [TV] (screams)
- You've let me down for the last time TV.
(groans) (explosion)
If only there was something else worth watching.
- [Samantha] Brian, don't make a scene.
- Hello.
(swish) - Hey Samantha,
I see you're out and about with your new boyfriend.
Glad like you got over our relationship so efficiently.
- Ooh, I like where this is going.
- Hey there, what's up new boyfriend, Brian.
How much do you bench?
I do 275 plus one fly.
Yeah there was a fly on the bar,
but I went ahead and put it up anyway.
- You seriously dated this meat head?
- I'm a chunk of Sirloin, chief.
- Who cares Brian?
I'm a chunk of pineapple,
Rod is a chunk of bell pepper, so what?
- (laughs) Rod. (laughs)
- Yo Orange, I got this.
You don't need to finish my piercing insults for me.
Now as I was saying, your name would be--
- Rod. (laughs)
(tense music) - Orange!
Let me insult this guy myself!
- No, rod!
- Huh?
(clank) (screams)
(moans)
- What just happened?
- Yo I believe we've been shish kebabed.
- Does that mean we're about to be, eaten?
(dramatic music)
- I'm more concerned about the fact
that we're stuck to your ex-boyfriend, indefinitely.
- Truth be told, I barely even felt
that stick go through me, yep, didn't even hurt.
See how man I am Samantha?
You should probably take me back,
I mean that's what I'd do, if I was in your situation.
- No Brian!
- Whatever, your new boyfriend, the nerd.
- Good one Brian, really skewered him! (laughs)
- Butt out, Orange!
- Everyone quiet!
Seeing as how we're going to be together
for the foreseeable future, can we please try to get along?
- Yes, let's get along.
- Brian?
- Why are you looking at me? (sad guitar music)
I'm getting along.
I'm getting along just fine, (sniffs), without you Samantha.
- Here we go.
- (moans) I'm tired of this plot line,
better change it up or I'll turn the TV back on!
- Hey Rod, hope you know what you're getting into.
Did Samantha tell you about how she snort laughs?
- That was one time.
- Sure, per day! (pig snorting noises)
Oh and you may find this interesting as well,
Samantha's feet, smell like pineapples.
What's that about?
- I don't even have feet!
- Yeah, well if you did,
they would most likely smell like pineapple.
- Yeah, what else would they smell like?
- I don't know, probably feet?
You're the smart one Sherlock.
- (groans) I want off this stupid kebab.
- That's right, try to eject out of this,
just like you ejected out of our relationship.
Did ever tell you how Samantha broke up with me Orange?
- No but I'm guessing you got the shaft. (laughs)
- Stop encouraging him, he's still making kebab jokes.
- Said the weakest link in my new favorite show.
- Oh shush.
- I'll shush, but only if you shish!
Oh, oh wait too late, you already did! (laughs)
(upbeat music) - (groans) I can't take it!
How is being skewered on a shish kebab next to my ex,
suddenly the second most annoying thing in the room?
(burping)
- (laughs) That was a good one!
- Brian, I know we've had our differences,
but if we're going to survive this,
we need to work as a team.
- (air whooshing) Anything to get away from this psycho.
- Oh, burn. (laughs)
- Ignore that loser, here's my plan.
- Burn!
- Yeah, it was a burn, you loser!
How's it feel? (tense music)
- No, no, no, no, no, burn!
- Huh? (screams)
(sizzling)
- Whoa!
- Samantha, I have always loved you!
(sizzling sounds) - Give it up, Brian.
- Yeah, Brian, the flame is gone. (laughs)
(burning sounds) (screaming)
- Whoa, smoke too soon. (laughs)
(sighs)
- [TV] Cleans every room in the house, even the kitchen.
- I should get a Roomba.
(swishing) (knives scraping)
(swishing)
- UPeeS special delivery. (thudding)
- It's here!
It's just in time for Valentines day.
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!
- Nice dude, now you can finally show her how you feel.
(swish) - Show who how you feel?
- Um.
- Um, no one, no one at all Orange.
- Why you guys being so weird?
Do I have something on my face?
(grunts)
I think it's just my eyeball.
- Dude, it's time you told him.
- (sighs) You're right.
Okay, here goes.
Orange, I have a crush on a girl
and I don't want you to be angry about it,
but--
- Oh no, you have a crush on Passion?
Or, I mean, not that I would care,
'cause I absolutely, positively, definitely,
do not have a crush on Passion.
- It's not Passion.
- Oh, well then who could it--
(swish) (light harp music)
- Hey guys, what's going on?
Oh, cool looking box you got there Little Apple.
(giggles)
- My sister! (dramatic music)
(swishing)
(crunching)
- Are you okay Orange?
- (moans) Yeah, I'll be fine,
just give me a second to step into the fridge,
think about it for a little bit.
(swish) (spring noises)
(door closes)
(screaming)
- Yo, I need you to sign for this.
Also you should know I accidentally dropped the package
pretty good on the trip over here.
That's how we do it at UPeeS.
So, it might not be in very good shape,
but that's not my problem, suck it.
- What?
- Sorry, normally I'd give an excuse, but nah,
I'm just really bad at my job,
so, please sign for the package.
- No way man, not until I look inside!
(record scraping) - Dang it,
I should really get the signature
before admitting to dropping packages off the truck.
- It fell off a moving truck?
- Before rolling into the lake, yeah.
(screams)
- So you never told me, what's in the box Little Apple?
- Um, is Orange gone?
- Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I think he's a little preoccupied right now.
(screaming) (heavy metal music)
- Well, here goes nothing.
(gentle piano music)
- (clears throat) Sis, well I have something to tell you.
Something that can only be expressed
by the contents of this box.
- Oh?
- So, you can go ahead and open it.
You know, if you want.
- Of course I want to!
(tearing) (thud)
Oh, candy hearts!
I love candy hearts!
- You do?
- Of course, I love the little nice things they say,
like, "text me, too sweet".
- I love you.
(shaking) - Hmm?
- No, nothing, nothing.
- I hate you.
(record scraping) - Huh?
- Uh, that's not what I ordered!
- Shut up!
- Suck an egg man.
- Hey!
- What's the deal?
Your messages aren't romantic at all!
- They were a couple hours ago,
but the ride over here was really rough.
(air whooshing) We got dropped
off a truck. (crashing)
Dipped in a
super cold lake. (water splashing)
Then put in a fire! (flames crackling)
(swishing)
(chuckling)
(swishing) - Sorry about that,
I was trying to dry them out from the lake.
- Well, the whole experience put us in a really sour mood,
so I'm sorry if our messages aren't exactly romantic.
- Oh, man, this is not how I saw Valentines day
going at all.
- Punch yourself in the face, do it!
- That's mean.
- Fart. (farting sound) (laughs)
- What?
- Yeah, he's a, he's a bit of an oddball that one.
- Well I got the message loud and clear Little Apple.
(air whooshing) You're a big meanie!
- Wait, no, oh man.
- So, I take it this is a bad time to ask you to sign for--
- Get away from me!
- Okay, okay. (thudding)
(swish) Geez, Louise.
- Little Apple, I've thought about it
and I've come to a conclusion.
- Don't worry Orange,
I already screwed up things with your sister,
you don't have to worry about--
- I'm okay with you dating my sister.
(record scraping)
- Wait, what?
- After thinking about it,
you're the only guy I'd want her to date.
You're awesome, plus if you ever get fresh with her,
you're so small I'm pretty sure she could beat you up.
You have my blessing.
- Well, thanks Orange, but I think I already blew it.
These candy hearts ruined everything
with their crude messages.
- Fart. (farting sound) (laughs)
- (laughs) Oh, I mean, I'm sorry, sorry.
Don't worry Little Apple, it didn't work out today,
but you'll win her over eventually.
- Thanks Orange.
(swish) And no thanks to you hearts!
- We've been through a lot today,
so I'm sorry if we can't be in the appropriate mood
for you and your--
- Crush. (ominous music)
- Yeah, for you and your crush.
- No, crush!
- Huh?
(screams) (crashing)
(screaming)
(crashing)
- Help, run away! (crashing)
- Get crushed by a hammer!
(crashing) (screaming)
- Oh the irony!
- Whoa, now that's what I call a candy crush. (laughs)
- Well, I guess we should clean up after--
- Little Apple, no!
(metal clanging)
- Holy Toledo!
Thanks Sissy!
Oh I was almost apple sauced there for a second.
- Well its not because you deserved it
after all those mean hearts.
- (sighs) I know, I know.
- So, will you sign?
- No!
(relaxed rock music)