- Say I'm someone you have a crush on
Whoa like practice was so hard today I'm sweating
so much.
- (laughter)
- Hey Vanessa, what's up?
- (laughter)
- Hi I'm Vanessa it's nice to meet you
- Kora, nice to meet you.
- Hi Kora I'm Talbott, nice to meet you
- Nice to meet you
- Yeah
- So what are we here to talk about today?
- We're here to talk about dating
- Ooh - Oh!
- Love
- I'm a dating coach for men
- Oh, that's cool!
- Nice
- For men?
Why not women?
- There are a lot of men who need resources to help
them date better
- Yeah
- And like don't really have spaces where they can
ask questions about that, so I provide that
- Oh, that's cool - [Talbott] Nice
- So it's work where I'm a woman helping men get
in touch with their feelings more
So that kind of challenges a lot of ideas about...
- Yeah
- ... what men are supposed to be like or what women
are supposed to be like
- Yeah
- Not everyone likes that
- Oh, that's kind of weird
- [Kora] Yeah, but it tells me that we really
need it, right?
- Yeah, definitely
- Yeah
- Do people at school date?
- Oh yeah
- My friend, she's dating someone
You know, they've French kissed and stuff
- (makes kissing noises) smoochy face
- Are you ever jealous of friends who date?
- No, not really
It's middle school relationships
- Yeah, it's not going to go anywhere
- Yeah, so you know it's not really going to pan out
Not really into that and not really in a hurry to
- You were saying that middle school relationships
usually don't last
Why do you think that people would want to date
in middle school?
- I think they're kind of doing it to see, like,
could someone actually like me?
- [Kora] Yeah, right.
- To give them courage to do it later on in life.
I feel like it's a really courageous thing to do
Because there's always like that fear of rejection
Like what if you ask this person out and they're
just like I'm sorry I don't like you
- You mention rejection
It seems like that's a theme that really holds people
back from going for things
Even adults like this is the most universal experience
across the board when it comes to dating and relationships
is like this fear of rejection
Do you have a crush on anyone?
- I don't, actually
- Vanessa do you have a crush on anyone?
- No
- (scoffs)
- I used to but I don't anymore
I don't, Talbott!
- So she'll tell me like about a crush she has at school
and then like a week later I'll be like "Vanessa, how
is the thing going with so-and-so?"
And she'll be like, "That was in the past, I don't
like them anymore."
And then I say their name and you're like--
- Hey, that Talbott, that was--
- There's some twin telepathy happening right now
- (laughter)
- No, that was a while ago
- [Kora] When you had a crush on someone and then, like,
you didn't anymore, like what made you not have a crush
on them anymore?
- They were kind of out of my league
- Oh
- What do you mean by that?
- Well, you know on the scheme of the hierarchy of the
middle school popularity system, I'm kind of like
mid-tier and they're more like upper
- Upper classmen
- Talbott, we're not talking about the same person
We're not
- If you can deny that, Vanessa
- I don't, like--
- Yeah what are you doing?
- In his pocket, in his freaking pocket
- Well I found like one in my pocket and then I was like--
- You were eating it?
- (laughter)
- Sorry, what were you saying?
- Let's say that I was someone you had a crush on and
you wanted to talk to me, how would you do that?
- You've got this, Talbott
- Hello, could I borrow a pencil?
- Yes, you can give it to me after this period
- Great
So I was thinking that maybe this weekend--are you
available?
- Available for what?
- [Talbott] Oh, I don't know we could just like
hang out on the (garbled) or something
- Okay, yeah
That sounds fun
- How'd Talbott do?
- He did pretty well
Let's say I'm someone you have a crush on
"Whoa, practice was so hard today I'm sweating so much.
Hey Vanessa, what's up?"
- (laughter)
- I'm just imagining this happening with the guy
- Hey
- Hi
- Hey
- Hi
- (laughter)
- I was wondering this Saturday if you would
see a (laughter) movie with me
- Oh
You mean, like a date?
- Yes
- (groans)
- Cool
I mean, yeah
- She would literally faint if you said yes to that
If she even got that far and he said yes she
would be like--
- Talbott, you cannot talk
- When do you think you'll be ready to go on dates?
- When the person I like if they ask me out
Because I feel like I'm kind of too cowardly to do that
so I wouldn't want to be a perpetrator
- What would it take for you to, like, feel like
you were courageous about that?
- If I knew that the person liked me back and that
I couldn't fail
- When you feel like you'll be ready to date?
- Well you never know, there could be a really nice
lady in a retirement home.
- Yeah - No
- Our dad's chill about it
- No, no, no, not until high school
- That's not really a rule
- [Talbott] Yeah, he did
- Do you want it to be a rule so you don't have to date?
- Yeah, cause middle school dating's gross
When did you go on your first date?
- I think when I was fourteen
- So how did it go, did you smooch?
- Um, we did smooch
- After how many dates do you kiss someone?
- I would say that there's really no rule on like
number of dates, it's more like when you both
want to kiss each other.
Do you feel like at school
Does it seem like anyone's ever like pressuring anyone
else to go out?
- Say they didn't like someone but someone liked them
And then they heard it from their friends that the
person liked them
- Oh, so they're like just try it just do it
just do it just do it
- Yeah, the pressure
- It definitely happens
It's really unfortunate
Which is why I think it's awesome that we're letting
girls know from a young age that, like, it's okay
to say no.
Just encouraging people to like allow more space for
the other person to reciprocate
So you're both consenting to the experience
- Do you have any dating advice for me?
- Talbott, you should look at her
You should look at someone when you're talking to them
- (laughter) My dating advice is make eye contact
- Yeah
Hey, hey, would you like to go to a
restaurant this weekend with me?
- Yeah, let's hit the ave, let's do it let's go
- (laughter)
- Do you have any dating advice for me?
- Yes, I think that you should give yourself more credit
- Yeah, Vanessa
- You can be courageous in dating
And the way to--
I mean, courage is about, it's not about not being
afraid of something it's about doing things you're
afraid to do
- It was great meeting you, thank you
- Yeah, great to meet you both
- Nice to meet you, yeah
- What a blast
- Okay, great to meet you too
- Let's make this a triangle
- Yeah