Jon: Please don't try this at home.
Jory: But what you SHOULD do is buy our shirts.
Riley: Link in the doobly-doo.
Jory: (whispering) They're comfortable!
Jon: (whispering) Very!
*theme song plays*
Jory: Is it a good idea to microwave this?
Hello, and welcome to...
Jory and Riley: ..."Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?"
I'm your host, Jory Caron.
I'm your buttery-tit sidekick, Riley McIlwain. (makes licking noises)
Jory: I have NO idea what that means! Oh, wait- yes, I do! We are microwaving buttered popcorn.
Riley: Suggested by Gregory Davidson.
Jory: Yes!
Riley: Good guy!
Jory: But wait- are we doing just a bag? No! This is "Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?" I'm Jory Caron.
Jon: (excitedly) Whoa, whoa! Who's that?!
Jory: So, WE do... Oh, this? You wanna know who THIS is?
Jon: Yeah!
Riley: Now, she's a little seasoned, she's a little older, but she's alright, though!
Jory: Who THIS is?
Jon: Yeah!
Jory: Esmerelda!
Riley: Esmerelda!
Jory: I wanna see how Jon is gonna spell this!
Jon: With an "E," an "S," and an "merelda" at the end!
Jory: Back to the popcorn. Look at all that! That is a mound of popcorn!
*Riley makes nauseated sound*
Jory: If you wanna know how much that is, that is 8 bags!
Riley: 8 bags!
Jon: How much is it?
Riley: 8 bags, 8 motherf-...
Jon: Why don't we put it in there for 8 minutes?
Riley: GO!
Jory: Okay, then, let's get the [beep] outta here!
Riley: GO!
Jory: Let's pop THIS secret!
*popcorn popping*
Jon: Get outta there!
Jon: This is kind of exciting, because...
Jory: It's not spinning!
Jon: That's alright.
Jory: Okay, let's do it over!
Jory: (in whiny, moany voice) Oh, pop my secret!
Riley: (in whiny, moany voice) Oh, pop me, pop me!
Jon: (in whiny, moany voice) Oh, Orville Redenbacher, rape me!
Jory: (in whiny, moany voice) Oh, in a movie theater, with extra butter, light salt!
Jory: It's weird- we bought 8 bags of popcorn in a box, still cheaper than a small movie theater popcorn!
Riley: Oh! It's popping! Did you see that? It popped.
Riley: Ooh! That was a big, good pop! Ricocheted!
Jory: (in silly voice) Oh, that was a good pop!
Riley: Ooh!
Jon: Uh-oh!
Jory: I just saw two in a row.
Riley: Oh! Oh, whoa!
Jory: I don't think we're allowed to stop until the pops become...
Jon: If you want a really good popcorn bag, wait 'til the pops are three or more seconds apart. That's the key to a really good bag. I got a bag once- FIVE unpopped kernels, and that was IT!
Jory: Wow!
Jon: I mean, that was, the peasants rejoiced!
Riley: He's the [beep]in' man!
Jory: [Beep]in' MAN!
Jon: Dude, there were songs sung about me in the village!
Jory: And odes were told, I'm sure!
Riley: What? The Village People?
Riley: (singing) Young man!
Jory: (singing) You can pop my corn!
Riley: (singing) I said, "Young man!"
Jon: "Pop my corn"?!
Jory: (singing) Just grab my cob!
Riley: (singing) I said, "Young man!"
Jory: (singing) Husk my stalk! There's no... need... to... plant... that... in... my...
Riley: (singing) Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum! It's fun to stay at the Jon's Gay Bar!
Jory: BUTT!
Jory: (singing) Plow my fields, and...! Jon's Gay Bar!
*Riley giggles*
Jory: He's a corn-packer!
Riley: They seem to be popping on a regular basis now. She's done!
Jory: Oh, come on! I have to put it in there for a little bit more.
Riley: Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up!
Jon: Good, it's really coming along now.
Jory: Because the oil isn't being, like...
Riley: Evenly distributed?
Jory: ...kept down, those kernels are putting oil over the entire inside of that microwave.
Riley: So, every experiment will be buttery and salty!
Jory: It'll probably smell really good out there, except for the fact that we're burning a lot of popcorn.
Jon: Look at 'em come, look at 'em go! OH! My goodness, it's like my prom night!
Riley: Going to prom with your aunt doesn't count...
Jon: Well, I had a lot of popcorn that night.
Riley: Oh...
Jon: There was, like, a snack table at the gymnasium.
Riley: Did your aunt make it for you?
Jon: No, my aunt wasn't there!
Riley: Dude, you went to... Your date was your aunt, dude! You can tell 'em!
Jon: No, that's not true, that's not true! My date was YOUR MOM!
Riley: Yeah, okay, I'm doin' YOUR mom!
Jon: Yes, YOURS, for sure!
Riley: Look at all the popcorn in there! You're gonna open it up, and it's just gonna dump out everywhere! Like when you open up my pants and my cock falls out, and then, there's just this [beep]in', like... (makes farting sound)
Jon: Why is your cock always flaccid when you tell these stories?
Riley: Done!
Jory: Yeah, okay, time for us to eat popcorn!
Jon: WOW! Look at that! Unbelievable!
Riley: Look at it on the door!
*Jory loudly munches popcorn*
Riley: Sounds kinda crunchy.
Jory: The I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Butter Guy just exploded in there, and his guts are just everywhere!
Jory and Riley: You may be wondering, is it a good idea to microwave...
Riley: ...popcorn? Unbagged popcorn, 8 bags of unbagged popcorn?
Jory: I'm gonna go ahead and say "no."
Riley: Why?!
Jory: 'Cause I would have really enjoyed some popcorn right now!
Jon: And instead, we have to throw it all away, because we're wasteful Americans!
Jory: And it takes, it takes FOREVER!
Riley: Whoa! Wait a second, wait a second- what is THIS piece?!
Jory: I don't like this at all! This is a bad idea, I do NOT like this! That's about it for this episode of...
Jory and Riley: ..."Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?"
Jory: Hey, keep it down over there! Keep it down over there!
I'm your host, Jory Caron.
I'm your sidekick, Riley McIlwain.
*end credits play*
Riley: Well, this is the part of the episode where we promote Netflix! Hey, gang, if you like Netflix, this episode of "Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?", brought to you by Netflix. Remember- if you like Netflix...
Jory: ...you should like Netflix!
Riley: Netflix!
Jory: If you like Netflix, may I interest you in Netflix?
Jon: Do you hate the Nazis? Well, so does Netflix!
Riley: 9/11- go get Netflix!
Jon: If you don't get Netflix, you're supporting eco-terrorism and, also, regular terrorism!
*Click on episode #169 to find out why Jiffy Pop is as much fun to make as it is to eat! How much would you pay for this?*