- Hi guys, welcome back to my channel.
Today I'm joined by my husband, Matt,
and we thought we would do a
10 things that Matt wishes he knew before he became a dad.
Because you guys seemed to love the video I did recently
which was 10 things I wish I'd known before I became a mom.
And I know I have dads watching
and my most ever shared video was
how to be a good birth partner with him,
'cause I think all of my pregnant followers were watching
and sharing with their spouses and stuff.
So, we thought we'd do like a dad version.
- What do you need to know
- Yeah, but he didn't want to sit here on his own,
so I'm going to sit here with him 'cause I was like,
please do this video I think they'd really like it.
- The first one is labor, and you think you're going
to go in there and it's going to be like a hotel maybe
and have a nice coffee and take a stroll
while your wife is in labor pushing a baby out of her.
But you're not going anywhere, just stay by her side.
'Cause your life is about to change overnight and
its not about you anymore.
- Yeah
- It's still not
(laughs)
- When we were pregnant with our first baby we joked that
during labor there was an M & S there,
there was a Costa there,
that we was going to go and get some stuff
and in the reality of it you didn't go anywhere.
- You was giving birth.
- Yeah, a baby was coming.
- The one time your wife needs you
- Yeah, to just like be there.
- Number two, be prepared to fall in love.
I don't think it hits home for a guy until that
ball of flesh comes out of your wife,
until the baby is born that you're actually a dad.
I think up until then some of us have pretended that
you're maybe in love with this big bulge in your wife's
tummy and you've bonded, etc.
But your wife has already built out that relationship
but for a guy I think that's when it hits home.
It's like wow, and then obviously
you're overwhelmed with love.
- Aww.
- Actually I didn't cry though.
- No, I think the first time it was just this shock.
- Yeah, like oh my god.
- We were like,
- What just happened there
- That was really in there.
- Can I not go to Costa Coffee?
(laughs)
- Head was coming out and then it just got bigger and
bigger and bigger and bigger and then it was just like
this giant baby and we were like, how?
- That's the shock, its like how has this been inside
you for all that time even though I've seen you've got
this bump and that you feel your kick and
you go through the scans and stuff.
But it just doesn't seem real and then yeah he obviously
comes out screaming, full of blood and
that doesn't really matter to you,
it's just like wow that's ours.
- Yeah
- Point number three, changing a nappy.
They dwell so much on this being like a big thing
and a hard thing but it's actually a
really nice way of bonding with your child.
Well in the first year at least,
I think after a year the novelty wears off.
When they're just wriggling around, but just enjoy that.
'Cause it doesn't last forever,
which everyone tells you but your little baby staring
up at you and you create a bond with your voice.
- Yeah, you never mind changing nappy.
- All of our boys are mommy's boys,
which at first is quite hard to see with your first
but actually you should give mommy her turn
'cause you'll get your turn to be their favorite and stuff.
Not their favorite, but they're gonna love you just as much.
- Now Fraser's older, it is all about you
- Yeah, that's it, well not all about me.
- No, but it's like football, daddy.
- Things change, I just let mommy have her time
and just try and be around as much as you can
and you'll create a bond anyway and
it might not be quite like the mother bond to begin with,
but you'll get there.
- Point number five, humor.
You just need to accept that everything
is going to be your fault.
The kids bad behavior is your fault.
And once you start to see the funny side
and accept that you're to blame, your marriage will be fine.
I think it's served a good purpose with ours, doesn't it,
to just humor stuff and just to banter it
rather than be offended because by the end of the day.
- Because Matt says that if the kids are
playing out I have a go at him.
- Yeah, she looks at me like,
oh you might do that 'cause of me,
but generally if they're being really naughty,
she vents her anger on me the way she talks to me
not the way she talks to the children.
- 'Cause it's hard to be horrible to the kids
but it's easy to be
- Just accept it's your fault and you'll be fine.
- Number six, probably our biggest bit of advice,
or mine, is to get a cleaner.
It may be every couple of weeks or once a week,
yeah it can cost 20-30 pounds,
we'd rather spend that on any luxuries we have
because if it makes your wife's life easier,
if it makes your life easier if you're working,
if you're getting home from work.
I think it's money well spent and
it doesn't have to be forever,
it could just be for the first six months
- Like for the early bit
- So you can enjoy those moments
and you're not forever tidying up.
- And don't forget, sorry, when I had Fraser
and I was on maternity leave and
that was the only maternity leave that I had
that I wasn't actually working.
And I had that maternity leave,
no, but Matt said to me one day,
while he was talking to someone else and he said,
maternity leave equals coffee.
And I remember thinking oh no you didn't,
I was so offended.
- It worked eh?
She went and got herself a job.
- But it is hard, you know now.
When we have the three kids,
- Oh yeah, but one is coffee.
- You're not just sat around like,
you can't get out the house, you can't, it's hard.
- Looking back I think the newborn bit,
especially with the first, is actually the
easier bit of the stages.
You can go out for dinner, go out for coffee,
- They sleep a lot.
- They sleep so when they sleep you can do stuff,
you're not looking after another or doing a school run.
So just cherish it for what it is,
'cause you will look back one day and
actually think oh that was quite easy.
- Yeah when they're like two, then you're like oh,
that was the easy bit, this is
- Don't get me wrong we've had good babies and
we've not had reflux and etc.,
so we're talking from our experience.
- Yeah, 'cause I think with the third, Jackson,
we were like oh my god it's so easy.
'Cause not only did we know what we were doing
but we were like oh he sleeps,
he's only literally awake for like four hours a day.
- You can actually get stuff done.
But then that's why I also say the first is the hardest
as well because your life changes overnight,
I mean by number three you're done, you've got no hope.
(laughs)
- Number eight, I can strongly recommend
using your best acting skills to convince your wife
that you're okay about the lack of sex.
Because men are men.
- Yes
- And I would say it's the last thing that she wants to do
so just bear with her.
Awkward.
- This is awkward.
Sometimes as a new mom as well
you're so knackered by the end of the day
because you've been looking after someone all day
and then someone else wants looking after
and you're like oh for gods sake, I wanna be looked after.
- Oh I woo her, wish you'd had told me that.
- Flowers, all that stuff.
- Number nine, you're part of a club now,
but no one actually cares that you're tired,
especially your wife.
So man up.
- 'Cause it's your fault.
- 'Cause pretty much, yeah, it's your fault.
- We are more tired than you.
- Surprising, 'cause you go for so many coffees
you think you'd be alright.
It's what we were put here to do
and you've got to remember there's tons of people
out there that would give anything to be a dad or a parent.
And I know that's no good when you're feeling really tired
and that you still have your struggles and it still is hard,
it's never gonna be the easiest thing you do.
But just appreciate it for what it is.
Number ten, and probably the best bit of advice I think,
go to the antenatal classes with your wife.
You won't learn anything that you can't do online,
but it's about being there for your wife
and it's about being in a room
with a load of people you don't know in an awkward situation
talking about things like breastfeeding, changing nappies.
But I think it's quite an important experience
and it was for us, we just did it first time around.
- We make friends.
- Yeah, and you don't want to do it,
I definitely didn't want to do it,
I didn't want to be there when I was there.
Yeah I came for you.
Some call it under the thumb, I call it wisdom.
- You came to the hypnosis,
and you even got hypnotized and everything.
- I felt like I was giving birth.
Just go with it, just whatever your wife wants to do
just go with it,
'cause you don't want to give her ammunition
months down the line and when she says oh you should have
come to this or wish we'd have done that.
Just do what she wants and
then that way you can't be to blame for anything.
It's just awkward isn't it,
and you feel like you're going to go in there,
if I go into this I'm going to learn a hell of a lot,
it's actually stuff that I pretty much could pick up online.
You bond with another group of couples as well
and you obviously went for coffee with all the other moms
then you go and have a coffee.
- Is he kidding?
Right, so thank you so much for watching.
I hope you enjoyed Matt's tips.
Leave a comment down below if you have anything to add
or let us know what your favorite point was
and we'll see you in our next one.
Bye guys.