And you know, it's not like I'm a 20-year-old
nubile porn star.
They just like the idea.
'Oh, porn. Film porn. Porn star.
Can I have sex with you?'
Mum and dad are both Slovenian.
So I'm a first generation Australian.
Um, they were very conservative, strict upbringing particularly for a daughter.
Different rules for the daughter as there were to my brother.
I was always a bit of a loner and very shy.
I realised the expectations of me were to be a good daughter
a good wife
a good mother, whatever you want to describe that as.
But that's, you know.
That was basically my future mapped out.
It was to get married and have children.
And you did do that.
I did do that.
I had my first child at 31.
And my second child at 37.
So, I fulfilled.
You fulfilled the expectation?
My side of the bargain, yes.
And how did you find it wasn't fulfilling you?
Um look, I found it fulfilling but I found a lot of me was lost.
I had to, I felt like
part of my life was taken away from me.
Once I had the children, my needs were set aside because I had to raise the children.
I reached a point
where I fell into major depression, and I felt lonely.
And alone.
I would have these psychotic breaks, where I'd run around screaming like a banshee
wanting to kill myself.
Because I felt like there was no joy
no pleausre in life.
That there was nothing worth living for.
Even though people would say:
"Look, you've got these beautiful children, this beautiful home."
I had everything, I had all the markings of a successful life
yet I still felt like life wasn't worth living.
And there was nothing anyone could say.
When did you realise you had to change something?
When I turned 45 and asked for a divorce.
Two years after I asked for a divorce, I was in a major depression, I was lonely and alone.
I just didn't feel life was worth living.
But I really wanted to experience sex and intimacy before I died.
Because at that point, I was about to turn 47, and I had been celibate for 12 years.
Yep!
And I didn't have the confidence to go out and meet someone in the usual way
by going to a bar or club.
So after a lot of consideration, I decided the best option for me
was to hire an escort.
So for my 47th birthday, I booked an escort for an overnight stay.
I booked a beautiful suite at the Shangri-La
a lovely restaurant
theatre tickets to see Richard III.
That starred Kevin Spacey.
Uh, so I actually planned a date.
I wanted it to be perfect, because then I was going to go back home
and I wanted to commit suicide.
But I wanted that experience, a big last hurrah.
Wow.
But!
The experience with the escort was life-changing.
It was more than just about the sex.
The sex was wonderful, don't get me wrong.
Evidently.
But my beautiful moment was when we were at the theatre and out of nowhere
he reached over and held my hand. And you know, my little heart just raced.
I felt like a little teenager again.
I then decided, hell, I want more of this.
I found this article running a competition for first-time film makers
of erotic film.
And I jokingly said to him,
"Oh, I've got an idea for a film."
And it will star you and I, and it will be about me preparing myself to have my first date with him.
Okay.
And I thought
you know, what harm can it be to enter this competition, you know?
And was he okay with the idea of-
Yes, yes.
Right, because you imagine some people might not neccessarily want their identity shown.
No, no. So we both starred in it.
We shot this little film, and sent it off on the last day of the deadline.
As everyone does.
And you think, what the hell.
It won first prize.
Wow.
And Petra Joy, she's a German filmmaker based in the UK
she said, "Would you consider making more?"
And just like that
you became a porn star.
Basically, yes.
Just like that.
She's not just having sex, she's not just doing some act that maybe you'd like to try someday.
She's putting out that journey.
Like you see her go from A-Z in the whole scene, and it's like
watching someone unravel and come alive.
And I think it's quite, I think for a lot of people it really resonates.
I'm going to show you our office.This is the Permission for Pleasure office, where all the magic happens.
This is where we like to bathe in our own glory.
Of course.
This is our award shelf.
Josie and I have recently won two awards at the Toronto International Porn Film Festival.
Which we like to cradle sometimes, when we're feeling down about ourselves.
Fair enough.
Best Fetish Film, which was the cake one.
Yes.
We also have the Heartthrob of the Year Award which is from the Feminist Porn Awards 2015.
The Heartthrob of the Year, at age 50!
Like, the biggest shock.
Great times.
Great memories.
Who watches the porn you and Morgana make?
Where's the majority of the audience?
That's, it's been interesting because we - I mean Morgana's whole point originally
was kind of targeting a 40+ market.
And I think that's what we presumed was the case.
And then we started travelling around with these films and we also started getting Google Analytics
which was very interesting.
And it turns out, it's a really broad spectrum of people.
I think our biggest demographic is the 21 to 35s.
You know, after every screening there are people compelled to come up and just tell her like
quite intimate things about themsleves.
There are people everywhere who, I think, need this, or need to see this, or need to know
there are other people like this going through these things.
So in terms of how you actually make the porn:
We're here in Victoria.You can't make porn here, can you?
No.
It's a super grey, super uncomfortable area I think for the industry.
For us, most of the time we shoot in Europe.
And then we just bring all the footage home and edit it, and put it on international servers
which is how we circumvent the whole awkward grey area.
I always like to have a beautiful set.
And it's very important for me that the performers have a wonderful time.
And lube. Use plenty of lube.
Some of this process has been about exploring your own boundaries.
Yes.
And what works for you.
So, what have you discovered about yourself, as you've gone through and tested each of these boundaries.
I've discovered that I still want more.
You have two daughters.
Yes I do.
How does the conversation go where you explain that mum's now a porn star?
Um, well I remember my eldest, I wanted to break it gentley to her.
I said I'm going to be making certain films.
And she just looked at me.
Looked at me,
looked away.
And then she had three questions for me.
The first one was, "Mummy will you make money?"
And I said, "Well I hope so."
The second question was, "Are you happy?"
And I said, "Yes."
And thirdly she said, "Just don't tell me the details."
Quite frankly
I can relate to that, because I used to be grossed out by my parents.
And how about your parents, how did they react?
Not so well.
My mother...
...essentially said I'm a disgrace.
On the off-chance that she watches this...
...what would you like her to know about your life now?
I would like her to know that I'm happy.
I'm still the same person.
I'm still her daughter.
I'm still a mother.
I'm still all those things.
But I'm also me.
Thanks so much -
Thank you so much, Marc.
Pleasure was entirely mine.
Thank you.