MY NEXT GUEST IS A COMEDIAN, AN ACTOR, "DAILY SHOW"
CORRESPONDENT AND CAPTAIN OF THE "STARSHIP ENTERPRISE."
PLEASE WELCOME ROY WOOD, JR!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
>> YEAH!
STEPHEN COLBERT.
>> Stephen: HOL HELLO.
>> HOW ARE YOU DOING SIR?
>> Stephen: HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH ONE DAY LATE.
I APOLOGIZE.
I SHOULD HAVE HAD CALLS.
>> I APPRECIATE IT.
IT'S AFRICAN AMERICAN HISTORY MONTH.
>> Stephen: IS IT?
I DIDN'T KNOW IT OFFICIALLY CHANGED.
>> SOME WHITE DUDE TOLD US WHAT WE SHOULD DAHL IT NOW.
>> Stephen: GOOD, GOOD.
SPEAKING OF WHITE DUDES, DID YOU SEE DONALD TRUMP'S SPEECH LAST
NIGHT?
>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU-- WHAT DID YOU--
>> HE WAS UP THERE.
YOU KNOW, HE WAS TALKING.
IT WAS ENGLISH.
HE SPOKE ENGLISH.
>> Stephen: HE WAS, YEAH.
>> I'M VERY CONCERNED, BECAUSE, AS A MINORITY, AS A BLACK
PERSON, WHEN I LOOK AT WHAT'S HAPPENED WITH THIS
ADMINISTRATION TOWARDS OTHER MINORITIES, UP UNTIL THIS POINT,
IT MAKES ME NERVOUS BECAUSE I KNOW WE NEXT, YOU KNOW.
BLACK PEOPLE AT SOME POINT, WE ARE ON THE LIST.
AND YOU SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH PLANNED PARENTHOOD AND
WOMEN AND SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH THE MUSLIM BAN AND THE
TRANS COMMUNITY.
IT'S LIKE WALKING INTO THE HOUSE AND SEEING YOUR SIBLING GETTING
A WHOOPING AND YOU KNOW YOU NEXT.
IT'S NERVE-RACKING.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU DO, GO BACK UP ON THE THE DOOR?
>> YEAH.
YOU WALK IN THE HOUSE AND YOU SEE THE MUSLIMS LAYING OVER
TRUMP'S LAP.
BLACK PEOPLE COME HERE!
NO!
GO UPSTAIRS AND GET MY STOP AND FRISK.
NO, OBAMA SAID WE DIDN'T HAVE TO STOP AND FRISK.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT'S WHAT IT FEELS LIKE.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
>> AND IT JUST-- IT MAKES ME SCARED BECAUSE BLACK HISTORY
MONTH, ALL YOU SAW WAS TRUMP TAKING PICTURES WITH ALL OF
THESE AFFLUENT BLACK PEOPLE, AND YOU HAVE TO BE LEERY OF SOMEONE
WHO SAYS THAT HE WANTS TO GIVE YOUR GROUP RIGHTS WHILE AT THE
SAME TIME DENYING RIGHTS OF OTHER PEOPLE.
SOONER OR LATER, THAT SNAKE IS GOING TO BITE YOU, TOO.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: WELL, HE SAYS-- DONALD TRUMP SAYS-- HE SAYS HE
HAS A VERY GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH THE AFRICAN AMERICAN
COMMUNITY.
HE SAID-- I WANT TO GET THIS CORRECTLY-- HE SAID, "THE BLACKS
LOVE ME."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THAT'S WHAT HE SAID.
THAT'S NOT ME.
>> I KNOW WHAT HE SAID.
>> Stephen: DO YOU WANT TO FACT CHECK HIM ON THAT ONE?
>> HE SHOULD ASK MORE BLACKS.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: ANOTHER NOW, LISTEN, WE HAVE SOMETHING IN
COMMON.
YOU'RE A "DAILY SHOW" CORRESPONDENT.
I WAS PROUDLY A "DAILY SHOW" "DA MANY YEARS.
>> PAVED THE WAY.
>> Stephen: I WAS IN THERE AT THE BEGINNING.
YOU GO ON THE ROAD AND DO THESE FIELD PIECES OUT THERE.
HOW IS YOUR SOUL DOING?
BECAUSE YOU GO OUT THERE, AND YOU TALK TO THE LOVELY PEOPLE
OUT THERE, WHO PERHAPS HAVE DIFFERENT WORLD VIEWS THAN YOU
DO.
>> UH-HUH.
>> Stephen: AND YOU HAVE TO COME BACK WITH THE COMEDY AND
EDIT IT AND PEOPLE GET MAD AT YOU.
>> PEOPLE GET VERY MAD AND VERY FAST-- I HAVE NOT BEEN SUED
PERSONALLY.
>> Stephen: YOU JUST WAIT.
>> THEY WANT TO SUE ME, I TELL THEM I'M ON "THE LA "THE LATE SH
STEPHEN COLBERTMENT.
THAT'S WHAT I TELL THEM.
>> I GOT SQUARED ONE TIME IN NORTH CAROLINA.
THEY HAVE A LAW IN PLACE-- BUSINESSES CAN DENY SERVICES TO
PEOPLE JUST ON THE SUSPICION THAT YOU'RE GAY.
>> Stephen: WHAT?
>> "I THINK YOU LOOK GAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
NO, I'M NOT SERVING YOU."
GLI HEARD ABOUT LAWS LIKE, "I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE YOUR WEDDING
CAKE," OR "I'M NOT TAKING PHOTOS."
>> CORRECT.
NOSBAKE A GAY WEDDING CAKE.
WE SET UP A BARBECUE TRUCK AND CALLED THEM GAY TO THEIR FACE.
>> Stephen: WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THE TRUCK?
>> BONE BROTHERS BARBECUE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BROTHERS AND BONE.
>> Stephen: WAS IT GOOD?
>> OH, YEAH THAT'S WHY THAT I WAS MAD.
>> Stephen: PEOPLE WOULD COME UP--
>> PEOPLE WERE SHAKE THE TRUCK.
>> Stephen: AND YOU WOULD SAY-- "YOU CAN'T HAVE BARBECUE
BECAUSE I THINK YOU'RE GAY?" >> DO YOU KNOW HOW FRUSTRATING
IT IS FOR ME TO OUT YOURSELF AND YOU DIDN'T YOU YOU WERE GAY AND
I OUTED YOU.
>> Stephen: IT'S NOT AS BAD AS DENYING ME BARBECUE.
>> THAT WAS ONE OF THOSE TIMES WHERE I DEFINITELY WAS SCARED
FOR MY LIFE.
BUT WE GOT THE TRUTH OUT THERE AND THAT'S THE IMPORTANT THING
ABOUT THE SHOW.
SO WE KEEP GETTING ON THE PLANE AND DOING IT AGAIN AND AGAIN.
>> Stephen: GOOD LUCK.
I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS.
HOW HARD IT IS.
>> IT'S SCARY.
>> Stephen: YES.
NOW, YOU GOT A NEW SPECIAL CALLED "FATHER FIGURE."
YOU HAVE A NEW SON I JUST MET.
WHAT'S HIS NAME?
>> HENRY.
>> Stephen: HENRY, ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL.
URAND YOUR LOVELY WIFE.
WHY WAS IT IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO MAKE THIS-- YOU SAY THIS WAS
AINOGE YOUR SON.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHY MAKE A SPECIAL OUT OF IT?
WHY NOT JUST TALK TO HIM WHEN THE TIME WAS RIGHT GIDON'T EVEN
I'M GOING TO BE ALIVE THAT LONG, MAN, SO I FIGURE I GIVE HIM
SOMETHING HE CAN PULL UP ON ITUNES IN A COUPLE OF YEARS --
>> Stephen: WILL HE HAVE TO PAY FOR IT ON iTUNES?
>> POSSIBLY, HE MIGHT.
THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS YOU CAN EXPLAIN TO A CHILD, STEX AND OH,
BY NICE AND DON'T MURDER.
LIKE, THAT'SACY" ME STREET" TEACHES YOU THAT.
BUT WHEN IT TALKS ABOUT HOW TO DEAL WITH A SOCIETY WHERE PEOPLE
MAY HATE YOU FOR THE COLOR OF YOUR SKIN AND NOT LETTING THAT
PERMEATE YOUR SELF-CONSCIOUS AND AFFECT YOUR SELF-ESTEEM, THAT'S
PROBABLY DADDY TALK.
SO I DECIDED TO MAKE A SPECIAL AND MADE SURE I TALKED ABOUT
RACE AND TALK ABOUT RACE RELATIONS IN THIS COUNTRY SO
SOONER OR LATER, EVEN I'M NOT HERE TO HAVE THE CONVERSATION
HIM, HE CAN UNDERSTAND THE IDEOLOGIES AND HOW HE SHOULDN'T
LET THOSE THINGS AFFECT HIM.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: ANY SCHOOLS?
ANY SCHOOLS YOU'RE GIVING HIM, LIKE SPECIFIC INSTRUCTIONS OR
ANYTHING LIKE THAT?
>> THE FIRST THING I'M GOING TO INSTILL ON MY SON IS ALWAYS
LEAVE THE STORE WITH A BACK, PERIOD.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT DEPENDS HOW MUCH I BUY?
>> IT DON'T MATTER HOW MUCH I BUY, I LEAVE WAY BAG.
YOU HAVE TO LEAVE WITH A BAG.
AS A BLACK MAN IN THIS COUNTRY, PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW I PAID FOR
THIS STUFF SO I NEED A BAG.
NOT ONLY I DO NEED A BARK I NEED THAT RECEIPT AND I WANT PEOPLE
TO STAIP TOLL THE OUTSIDE.
I WAS AT BEST BUY, STAPLE THE RECEIPT TO THE OUTSIDE LIKE
CHINESE CARRYOUT.
I'M NOT LEAVING THE STORE, NO MATTER WHAT I BUY, I'M LEAVING
WITH A BAG.
YOU DON'T WANT QUESTIONS FROM THE SECURITY GUARD PUP DON'T
KNOW WHAT HE'S BEEN THROUGH.
>> Stephen: YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE SECURITY EXWRD HAS BEEN
THROUGH.
HE MIGHT SNAP.
>> WHAT YOU GOT IN THAT BAG?
I GOT THE RECEIPT.
SNOW NOE!
HE'S GOING FOR A GUN!
>> Stephen: STAY SAFE.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANK YOU, SIR.
>> Stephen: HIS NEW SPECIAL, "FATHER FIGURE," IS ON THE
COMEDY CENTRAL APP.
ROY WOOD JR., EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
STICK AROUND.