- Can I see some of your tattoos?
I just wanna see.
Oh, for life.
Okay.
(grunting)
He's giving me a lot of prison vibes.
(suspenseful music)
Hi, I'm Ibi.
- I am Vega, a DJ.
- I'm Jared and I work in tech.
- [Production] What are you doing here today?
- I am here to guess who has a criminal record.
- [Production] How does that sit with you?
- Honestly, I hope I don't come off as a dick.
- [Production] What's a criminal look like?
- They're good looking.
(laughing)
Criminals are good looking.
I'm not even gonna lie.
(laughing)
So I might be looking for that.
Seeing if they're buff.
- I'm going off of mannerisms.
- [Production] Okay, bring 'em in.
- How's it going?
What's up?
- I feel like this is gonna be easier than I thought.
- I think I see some criminals.
(laughing)
I wanna talk to you.
Come on up.
- How you doing?
- Vega.
- Noah, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you as well.
- Okay, off of first glance, you don't seem like one.
- Why not?
- One, your name.
I'm gonna say that off top.
- Noah, where you from?
- I'm from Inglewood mainly, but I move all over the area.
So Compton, South Central.
- Tell me what you like in high school?
- Ah, well, my senior year, I had 93 absences.
- Ah.
- Do you smoke weed?
- I do, I got back problems though.
- I know usually, when you go to jail, you get buff.
So can you do three pushups?
- Mm, okay.
I could do three pushups, but if my back give out.
- Okay one.
One pushup.
Half, one.
Okay, there we go.
All right.
- I'm gonna say that you are not a criminal.
- You can't do pushups.
(gasping)
You have a bad back,
so you definitely never ran from nobody.
- Mm.
- And you might be too pretty for prison.
- Okay.
Okay.
- I'm going to guess you have a criminal record
based on the amount of time that
you did not spend at school.
- Oof, okay.
- You're next.
- I'm Felicia.
- Nice to meet you Felicia.
Do you have sticky fingers?
- Not currently.
- I don't know.
You kinda look like you might be stealing.
- Big hoops.
Like the earrings, just off of experience.
Those type of girls usually seem
more inclined to get in trouble.
- What do you like to do for fun?
- I like to paddle board.
I love to paint, meditate.
- Is stealing ever okay?
- Okay, so I guess it depends on your circumstance in life.
- I need you to turn around,
look in that camera, and gimme your best mugshot.
(chuckling)
(sighing)
I'm still getting criminal vibes.
- I feel like you're a sweetheart.
- Thank you.
I do not think you have a criminal record.
- Okay.
- You do have a criminal record.
I think it was domestic violence.
I think you beat up a dude.
- Oh, okay.
- You might be a smooth one, but you a criminal.
(humming "Smooth Criminal")
Whoa, okay.
She slid.
- All right, right here.
- I think we got the same fit on.
- Do we?
Basically.
(laughing)
- So tell me a little bit about yourself.
- I'm an artist.
- Did you start doing art to cope with something?
- I think so.
- Yeah, okay.
- I would say so.
- Did you ever see any family members
get in trouble when you're growing up?
- Well, I have family that's been arrested,
and I did see my family interact with police
and police come into our house.
- See, you kind have a little bullet.
Is that like, you've shot somebody with that bullet?
- Yeah, this is actually, so this is a 45 bullet.
It's for protection.
- So you have to walk around strapped?
- I mean, you got a bullet, got a lot of metal necklaces,
but you seem like a friendly dude.
So I'm gonna guess you did not have a criminal record.
- I don't think you have a criminal record.
I like that bullet though.
- That guy right here.
- What's happening?
- What's up?
Can I get a full 360?
Just turn all the way around.
His build is top heavy.
He might not punch first,
but he will grab somebody and shake 'em up real quick
or whatever.
- Can I see some of your tattoos?
I just wanna see.
Oh, for life.
Okay.
(grunting)
(laughing)
Okay, he's giving me a lot of prison vibes.
- This one right here, that speaks criminal.
That speak, not criminal.
That sounds so messed up.
- No, it's okay.
- You know what I mean?
It speaks danger.
- Okay, gimme your mugshot real quick.
- So I would just, you gotta look good in the mugshot.
You feel me?
(laughing)
- I can't.
Okay, you got one.
Back in the line.
- It's nice to meet you.
- Bye, good to meet you.
- What's up?
- Hi, I'm Stephanie.
- I feel like if you were to have done any crime
in your past, it would be tax evasion.
- I feel like you have to be smart to get away with that.
So I'll take that as a compliment.
- Do you consider yourself smart?
- Eh.
- Where do you work?
- I work in nonprofit finance and fundraising.
- Where'd you go to school at?
- I went to a state university in Wyoming.
- What is there to do in Wyoming?
- Look at antelope.
- Antelope?
- There's more antelope than people.
- Oh, damn, okay.
- She doesn't really look
like she might have a criminal record, but I don't know.
Do you own any cats?
- I have two.
- I mean, you could be a crazy cat lady for all I know.
- Yeah, it's a single vibe.
Not a criminal vibe, I think.
(chuckling)
- Okay, I'm gonna have to say you are not a criminal.
She's not a criminal.
- I don't think you do have a criminal record.
- [Production] This is Paul.
- Hello.
- Hello, Paul.
- He looks rough.
You don't look bad.
You just look like you don't really care as much.
- Paul kind of looks like he cracks beer cans on his head.
(laughing)
- Worst case scenario, you could be an ax murderer.
You'd be in the wilderness.
- Okay.
Like, get off my land.
- Yeah, yeah.
Someone encroaches on your land.
You're like.
(grunting)
And you just got an ax for some reason.
- Okay.
- What is your top three favorite genres of music?
- Industrial labor songs from the early 1900s.
- What the hell?
- Synth wave.
And then heavy psychedelic noise.
- How do you feel about law enforcement?
- Fuck 'em all.
They're all trash.
Every last one of 'em.
The whole system.
- I know in Portland, there were some pretty crazy protests.
I could see you--
- I used to live in Portland.
- I could see you going down there.
- I used to go to pretty crazy protests in Portland.
- Really emphasizing your feelings.
I'm gonna say, based on what we're talking about,
you have a criminal record.
- You have a criminal record.
- I say, yeah, you are a criminal.
And I think it's on drug charges.
You have probably an excessive amount
of shrooms or acid or something.
(laughing)
(drum beating)
- [Production] Are you traumatized?
- Yeah, I feel like I just talked shit,
especially to her.
So sorry,
- [Production] If you were guessed right, raise your hand.
- 50%.
(clapping)
(squealing)
- Okay.
- Woo, I did five.
That's just super dope.
I didn't think I was gonna do that good.
- [Production] So we're gonna get to know who did what.
- I'm not a criminal.
- You're not a criminal today.
- Not a criminal.
No ma'am.
- What did you do in those 90 days you didn't go to school?
- I was very invested in this woman.
- Damn, love keeps you busy I guess.
- Hey man, I love women.
- All right, Felicia.
- Yeah, you got me right.
- Damn, didn't I call you sweetheart?
- You did.
(laughing)
- I bet you beat someone up.
(laughing)
(clapping)
- So I just wanna say, no one was harmed
in the making of my alleged crimes.
I have three DUIs.
- Damn.
- I did do five months in jail,
and I did wear a Lindsay Lohan at one point.
- What the hell is that?
- Alcohol monitoring bracelet.
- Oh, shit.
- I actually had a substance abuse issue with alcohol.
- Aw, well I'm glad that you're better.
- I am, yeah.
- Yay.
(laughing)
Come on up Miguel.
- What's up?
- So I guess you're right.
Not being a criminal probably based
on you have a very kind of gentle voice.
- I'm not saying that criminals can't be shy,
but your super shy demeanor.
And I don't think you would do well
in the interrogation room.
- [Production] We'll leave it at that.
(laughing)
- I'm done with you.
Y'all are funny.
Oh gosh.
All right, come on up.
- You got me right.
- Did you get those tattoos in jail?
- Yeah, I got some of 'em.
- Kind of the tattoos on the hand for sure.
And then the neck tattoo kind of did it for me.
And then yes, definitely the teardrops.
The teardrops, I was like, ooh, you done killed somebody.
(laughing)
- Have you?
- What?
(laughing)
- Killed somebody?
- It doesn't only mean killing people.
It means losing people.
It means attempted.
It means prison time.
It can mean a lot of things.
- How much do you wanna divulge to me?
'Cause now I'm just curious.
- I was a gang member for a long time.
Got shot, stabbed,
went through a whole bunch of stuff in my youth.
It took me going back to school and getting an education
and finding mentors, somebody that believed in me,
to change my life.
Now I go back and I work with at risk youth
in the children's prisons.
'Cause that's what they are, children's prison.
And try to do what I can to change it.
- Awesome.
- Yeah, for sure.
- Thank you.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- You got me wrong.
- Yes I did.
- My crime was really dumb.
I have a misdemeanor in larceny
for stealing 143 garden gnomes.
- Garden gnomes?
- Wow, what?
The garden gnomes?
- The garden gnomes.
The dollar amount was enough
that it could have been a felony,
but they decided not to charge me with one.
- Mm.
- And I absolutely believe the reason that I have
a misdemeanor is because I had small white girl privilege
and the judge even said
they didn't wanna mess up our future.
- The judge said that to you?
Can you imagine the judge saying something similar to me?
- Honestly, probably not.
- Yeah, well thank you for acknowledging your privilege.
- I spent four days in county jail.
We got fined, community service.
I spend a year on probation.
- That's foul though.
That added up to that?
First off, why were you stealing gnomes?
- Literally, we were bored.
- What were you gonna do with 'em after?
- Oh, we were gonna put them on someone's lawn,
facing their door as a prank.
We thought we were very funny.
- So we sticking with protests that got outta control?
- Or ax murderer.
I don't know man.
You tell me.
- No, I was growing a lot of weed.
- Ah, okay.
- A lot, a lot of weed, like forests of weed.
It was drug related.
I was growing a shit load of weed.
- Damn, I'm so sorry, dog.
- That's fine.
(laughing)
- That made me uncomfortable 'cause I was really
putting you in a box, but I was right though.
- Yeah.
Sometimes the box is the right box.
- Thanks for the story, Paul.
- [Production] With a show of hands,
who thinks that Ibi here has a criminal record?
Are they right or wrong?
- Y'all are wrong.
- LineUp the game, available now.
- This is dead ass one of the most fun games
I've played in a while.
- All you gotta do, check the link down below.
You can get your own copy.
- Go pick it up and have fun.
(giggling)
(upbeat music)