Oh my goodness, I learned so much about decision paralysis when researching this
video. So the topic of overthinking decisions has been on my to-do list for a long time,
but I totally procrastinated writing this video. Um one because it usually takes me 10 to 20 hours
to write each 15-minute video for my channel. And two I was kind of dreading this topic because I
only had a vague idea about what to say. And then when it came out as the top requested video on
my poll I was forced to make it. So has this ever happened to you? Like you have some big
decision to make or some task to complete but you just keep putting it off because it feels
overwhelming. When people are faced with a big, complex decision that they aren't certain how to
move forward with, it's really common to avoid that task, to delay, to procrastinate or keep
busy with other meaningless tasks. But this can lead to big consequences later, you know,
getting written up at work or failing a class or just missing out on a big opportunity because
you can't figure out how to move forward. Now, in the last video on in this overthinking series we
talked about overthinking decisions and how that is often caused by not knowing how to regulate
the emotions around those decisions. And when I started writing this series on overthinking
decisions the emotion regulation piece was the first thing that came to my mind. People
struggle to decide because they can't handle the fear of making the wrong choice. But the
more I researched the more I realized is that the second, you know, huge part of getting overwhelmed
and paralyzed by decisions has to do with executive functioning. So in this video you'll
learn what executive functioning is and why it's so essential to making decisions and processing
emotions. And you'll also learn five ways you can improve your executive functioning skills.
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Now, in this video you'll learn all about how executive functioning is really essential
to manage emotions and procrastination of big decisions. And it's a skill that can be learned,
but it's a hard skill to learn on your own. So that's where a therapist can be really helpful. So
today's sponsor is BetterHelp. BetterHelp connects you with a licensed mental health professional
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home. So if you'd like to learn more, check out the link in the description for 10% off your first
month. So making big decisions with lots of moving parts can overwhelm our brain circuits. Our brains
are not quite prepared for the difficulties of the modern world. For our ancestors, their problems
were often physical, present, and immediate. Like a decision would be something like, "Oh,
should I plant a crop or go hunting today?" Now, for us, we're faced with choosing among thousands
of careers, millions of tasks, and billions of distractions right on our smartphone. Now,
executive function is the mental skill of organizing big pieces of information. It includes
working memory, which is like how many ideas we can hold in our head at once, and organization. It
includes planning, self-control, prioritizing, time management, and flexibility. Now,
for the average person, managing big decisions is already difficult. But the more choices you have,
the harder it is to make a decision. Barry Schwartz highlights the problem of too many
choices in his excellent Ted talk. He says, "We're bombarded with so many options." For example,
in my home county there are over 900 restaurants. Barry Schwartz talks about how there's hundreds of
types of salad dressing in the grocery store. It's overwhelming. And Schwartz shares a study showing
that the more options an employee has when picking a retirement plan ,the less likely they are to
choose one. And this leads to losing hundreds of thousands of dollars over their lifetime.
So evaluating all of the options is confusing and overwhelming and vague and complicated,
and it's not - most of the options we have are not in the present; they're future-based. So too many
options often overwhelm our executive functioning, and we end up not making any choice at all.
So how can we support our brain as it tries to process big decisions or complex problems?
We provide scaffolds, a structure to help our executive functioning to prioritize and make
decisions. So here's a couple of ways we do this. And you could do this with a coach, you could do
this in therapy, but if you learn the skills you can do this on your own. The first one is to limit
your number of options when possible. Like just simplify your freaking decisions. Get rid of some
clothes. Make a photo guide of your outfits. My aunt and her friend had this rolling lunch date.
Guess what the hardest part of it was? It was answering the question, "Where do you want to eat
today?" Right? So to avoid having to decide each Thursday, they just picked the street in the city,
and they started on the south end, and each week they ate at the next restaurant to the north. Like
how cool is that, right? Notice how doing that required them to tolerate the imperfection of
not eating at the most perfectest restaurant ever. Right? The food was still fine, but but when they
limited their options they were actually happier. It made their lunch date more enjoyable and,
you know, less stressful. Number two: to support your working memory make things visual. Use a flow
chart or write down the options on three by five cards that you can like physically move
around. I'm a huge fan of paper lists. Like make a master list and then like star the priorities
and then just take action on one or two. So with my daily to-do list, it's always on paper, but
for work I personally use the software ClickUp. Right? They're not a sponsor; I just like their
organizational approach. Right? I have hundreds of ideas for videos, and I just prioritize the ones
that I'm working on that week. But in general I'm a big fan of physical reminders over digital ones.
Okay. Number three: with a complicated or an overwhelming decision like choosing a degree
in college, just break it down. Right? You don't have to choose your major all at once.
Pick pick a couple of jobs that you might be interested in, get an entry level position,
and try it out. Or just take a class or two in the subject and see if you like it. Right?
Break down these huge decisions into short-term tasks, and then just chip away at them one at a
time. Right? And this is where a goals coach or an accountability partner could be really helpful
with this. I once worked with a 25-year-old man who we'll call Omar. Now, Omar couldn't decide
what career he wanted to pursue. He was currently working at Burger King, but he really wanted to
do something else. He wondered, should he join the military? Should he go to flight school? Should he
get his commercial driving license? Should he go back to college? But then every time he started to
think about a new job he'd get overwhelmed with all of the steps. He'd he'd start researching
flight school, and then he'd worry about the cost, and then he'd look at his bank account,
and then he'd worry about his credit card debt, and then he'd realize his resume wasn't written,
and then he'd get overwhelmed, and he would just go back to watching gamers on YouTube. He spent
over 40 hours a week watching YouTube, mostly just to avoid the overwhelming feeling of not
knowing which career to take and how to start. So we talked about that in therapy a lot. We broke
down tasks. We made lists. We organized ideas. He finally clarified that he wanted to get his CDL,
but he didn't have his resume ready. So for weeks I'd ask him to do that for his homework,
and he would agree to do that, and then he would just get overwhelmed. He'd come back to therapy
and be like, "Nope, I didn't make my resume this week." So finally I just brought my laptop to the
session, we pulled up a resume template, and I made him do it right there. And in like 20
minutes his resume was done and printed. So sometimes we just need to break down these
big tasks into tiny steps. And it also helps to have a coach to support you in the process.
Okay. Next, clarify what's actually important. Just take the time to do a values clarification
activity. When you know what you want in your home, in your relationships, in your career,
it it makes it easy to get really clear on what's most important to you so you can let
go of the small stuff. So when it comes to task management, like schedule in a repeating time
each week to plan your biggest priorities, and then force yourself to spend 10 minutes
every day to clarify the most important tasks. Everything else can kind of fit around that. In my
church people are always sharing this analogy of like a jar and golf balls and sand, right,
and you decide what your most important priorities are. You decide. Those are the golf balls. And
you put those in the jar first. And then you add the sand afterwards. Now, you've got a few things
that are really important, like, you know, your career, your family, living your life purpose,
serving God, whatever it is, right? And if you let all these little tasks and all these unimportant
things fill up your jar first, you're not going to be able to fit in all of the golf balls, the most
important things in your life. But if on the other hand you put the most important things in first,
then you're gonna have a lot of space to put that sand in. And you maybe can't do every single thing
that you want to, but you can get a whole lot more done and your life's going to be more aligned with
the type of life you want to have. My husband and I always have the conversation, "Oh, what
are your golf balls today?" Meaning what are the most important things you want to make sure to get
done? And everything else can kind of fit around that. Okay. Another thing that's really helpful
with executive function is to set a time limit. Right? Give yourself a deadline, make a list,
shorten the list, and force yourself to choose within five seconds. Like don't look back. Just
say, "Three, two, one, go." Now, people with ADD, they love/hate deadlines because it forces them
to just take action instead of getting stuck trying to organize that action in their heads,
so deadlines can be really helpful. Um for me when it came time to write this video I set my Pomodoro
timer for one hour and I made myself just sit down and jump into the research. And as I did, I like
I learned so much, and now I feel super clear on what some of the main challenges with overthinking
decisions are. So then the next day I forced myself to sit down and outline the video, and
then as soon as I broke that task down and forced myself to face it I was able to make progress. So
ta-da, now you're watching that video. Right? Now, okay, so in the last two videos I just gave you a
ton of information about overthinking decisions. So let's summarize real quick. Decisions are hard
because the number of options is overwhelming and it's hard to make decisions because you're afraid,
but you can develop the ability to tolerate that fear and remind yourself that just done
is better than perfect. You can handle imperfect decisions and still be okay. Don't look back.
And then support your executive functioning by limiting your choices, making decisions visual,
breaking tasks down into smaller steps, clarifying your values, and setting a
time limit. So I hope that's helpful. Thank you for watching, and let's get better at feeling.
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