The bible code, the idea that secret messages and prophecies are hidden in the bible,
has received much attention.
There are over 45,000 news articles written on the subject.
Google returns over 16 million web pages.
It has its own Wikipedia page
and a number of books have been written on the subject.
Clearly it must be real, right?
Why else would they write a sequel.
Who cares that scientists, mathematicians, and statisticians
dismiss the bible code as worthless, a statistical artifact, a probability illusion.
They're obviously blinded to the truth by all their numbers and equations.
So I decided to see what hidden wisdom I could glean from the bible.
And here's what I found.
Now if you are looking for predictions of the future,
I'm sorry to tell you but the words "world end tomorrow"
appear 2 times in the bible.
If you're curious how the world will end,
look no further than the bible code.
The words "fire death star" appear next to "world end tomorrow".
Curious how the supposedly fictitious death star will destroy the earth.
Well the words "Darth Vader real" appear 22 times.
So after you finish watching this video,
go off and enjoy your last day on earth.
If by chance the world is still here tomorrow,
come back and leave a comment.
If you feel Barack Obama should not be president, you're not alone.
There are 34 places in the bible
where the words "obama lost race" appear,
and there are 252 places where the words "john cain won race" appear.
What about history?
There is one location where "south won civil war" appears,
but surprisingly none where "north won civil war" appears.
And if that isn't enough,
there is also a passage were "Nazis won world war" appears.
I guess it's time to rewrite those history books.
Recently there has been some controversy over Sherri Shepherd's comment
on the TV show The View implying the world might be flat.
Well what does the bible code have to say about it?
There are 15 locations where the words "earth flat square" appear,
but only 2 where "earth solid sphere" appear.
So I guess we go with majority rule on this one.
Now I know most of you think the sky is blue, but not so fast.
There are 368 locations where "sky NOT blue" appears,
and 2 where "sky orange green" appear.
Don't look up, it's clearly a test of your faith.
Remember back in school when you learned about the water cycle.
Throw that out.
There are 28 locations where the words "rain is god crying" show up.
And remember learning that the earth is the THIRD planet from the sun.
The bible code knows better.
"earth second planet from sun" shows up once.
So move over Venus.
What about those childhood stories that the moon is made of cheese.
Think that's nonsense, think again.
Not only is it made of cheese, but swiss cheese at that,
as the words "moon made swiss cheese" show up in 3 places.
And have you ever heard a parent tell their child that the crescent moon
is really god's fingernail. Well it's true.
"moon gods finger nail" show up 8 times.
So does this mean god's fingernails are made of swiss cheese?
And what about earthquakes.
Ever wonder where they come from.
No, it's not plate tectonics.
The bible code tells us that the earth is made of jello, 8 times.
They're not quakes, just jiggles.
A few years back the movie Jesus Camp was released.
In it there was a woman screaming that Harry Potter is the Devil.
Most people dismissed her as a lunatic,
but it turns out the words "harry potter real" show up once.
Want to know what else are real.
Well according to the bible code dragons and fairies are,
as the words "dragon fairy real" show up once.
Now just to settle a long standing issue regarding two characters
on the popular children's show Sesame Street,
Bert and Ernie are real and they are not gay.
Don't believe me.
The words "bert ernie are real not gay" show up in 644 locations.
The loch ness monster, don't worry, I wouldn't forget this one,
yup it's real too.
The words "loch ness monster real" show up in 6 locations.
So I guess those admittedly faked photos weren't faked after all.
Finally we have a head to head battle between two figures
vying for the same holiday, jesus and santa.
And while there are 738 locations
where the words "jesus real" show up in the bible,
there are 762 where "santa real" shows up.
I'll leave you to decide what that means.
Now in the united sates there has been a decades old battle for gay rights.
People have argued that homosexuality is wrong
because of what it says in the book a Leviticus,
or maybe it's because they are bigots.
Well that's only one entry.
According to the bible code there are 119 locations
where the words "gay love god chosen" appear
and only 2 where "straight love god chosen" appear.
So it would seem god prefers gays over straights.
What does the bible code have to say about evolution?
Well, the words "evolution lie" never appear in the bible,
but "gravity lie" appears 3 times,
and "religion lie" appears six times.
Creationists have often argued there are certain features on organisms
that could not evolve, and therefore disprove evolution.
One classic example is the eye.
Now ignoring the fact that even Darwin
was able to show how the eye evolved over 150 years ago,
the words "the eye DID evolve" appear 4 times in the bible.
There has been a long battle over which methodology is better,
science or religion.
Clearly we shouldn't look at the progress science has given us,
DNA screening, treatments for cancer, cell phones, the internet,
no, we should ask the bible code.
Well, the words "science real wisdom" appear once.
So I guess that settles that.
And what about the major creationists themselves?
Kirk Cameron, known for his video series the way of the master,
is apparently an idiot.
Michael Behe, the molecular biologist who advocates intelligent design
but has yet to publish a single shred of evidence supporting his view,
also an idiot.
Remember that guy who tried to argue that bananas are proof of god's existence.
Yup, he's an idiot too.
And what about that guy who tried to argue that jars of peanut butter
somehow prove that life cannot form naturally.
You guessed it, also an idiot.
Finally Ken Ham,
the head of the creation museum and a member of answers in genesis,
according to the bible code is an idiot, 351 times.
Who am I to argue with something as powerful as the bible code.
And last November many of us had a sneaking suspicion
that Sarah Palin wasn't the brightest bulb in the room.
Yes, she too is an idiot.
Well according to the bible code at least.
So what about the proponents of evolution?
Well the words "Ken Miller truth" show up 6 times
and "Darwin truth" shows up once.
And what about the age old question, does god exist?
Unfortunately for you believers out there
the words "god does not exist" show up 8 times.
And for you bible literalists,
the words "bible evil lie" also show up 8 times.
Finally, what does the bible code have to say about the bible code?
Well I'm glad you asked.
The words "bible code bad lie untrue fake" all show up together once.
But how can this be.
The people who argue for the bible code seem so convincing.
And the odds of these words all showing up together
clearly must be extremely small. Right?
Wrong. And here's why.
If the odds of winning a lottery are 1 in 1 million
and you only get one chance to play,
your odds of winning are 1 in a million.
But if you get to play 100 times your odds of winning rise to 1 in 10,000.
If you get to play 1 million times you odds of winning become 63%.
And if you get to play 10 million times
you are almost guaranteed to win with 99.995% chance.
So even if something appears to have a low probability of occurring,
the more chances you give it, the more likely you are to find it.
The same goes for the bible code.
There are hundreds if not thousands of word combinations
that can be used to represent any idea,
and those words can be found forwards, backwards, or at any spacing,
anywhere in a book that is hundreds of pages long.
Therefore, the bible code pretty much guarantees
you'll find anything in it.
So why do so many people still believe in the bible code?
Well, ignorant people believe anything.
Clearly they don't know how to
Think about it