I'm gonna take a second to..
be completely open and honest with you guys.
To be completely frank, unfiltered, this is a pure train of thought from start to finish
but it's an opportunity for me to talk to you
in a way that I haven't in...
years.
I have been lying to myself
In a weird way, I- I've realized this, and it's not that I'm in a bad place right now,
I'm in a very good place. Lemme make that very clear, I'm in a great place right now.
I'm at the top of my game, I have been making some incredible stuff,
I have the opportunity to make literally whatever I want, whenever I want.
And that is an incredible feeling,
and not only do I have that, I have the skills to back it up.
I've been working my ass off for six and a half years to get to this point
with this fire burning inside my soul to get to this point
where I have the skill set necessary to make great videos.
And that is something that absolutely nobody can deny.
I make shit videos, but I can make great videos.
And there's a distinct difference in that, but in doing so, and in those years,
I have reached this conclusion, that I do not necessarily take myself at face value.
And that's something that I want to change...
and it's not a big change, in any capacity, it's not something that's going to be earth shattering,
but it is something that requires me to take the first step and the first step is telling you guys what's been missing.
And honestly what's been missing is...this.
These moments.
I used to all the time turn on a camera, and just absolutely, uncut, ramble.
100 percent let the madness inside of my mind spill out of my mouth,
into a weird string of incoherent sentences that allows me
to express who I am.
Because in a very selfish way, this channel is...me.
It is a perfect representation of the madness inside my mind, and the ambition inside my soul.
Everything that I am, everything that I've ever done,
every single emotion and nuance of the person that I not only want to be,
but have become,
is laid out bare in the videos that I have made. That is me,
but one thing's been missing in all of that.
One thing's been very clearly missing, in all of that.
I've been doing great videos great...
like... like almost short films, in terms of "Wilford Motherloving Warfstache"
I've got great plans to do even bigger and better things along the way,
but one of the things that's been missing...
is this.
This pure, and simple unadulterated flow of thought.
The honesty.
The me of it.
The
...soul behind the channel
the...the...personality behind the person.
I used to be someone that wanted to be someone else.
I wanted to be Markiplier so badly, because Markiplier,
represented everything that I wanted to be.
and so Mark, took the back seat...ya know what I mean?
And the realization isn't that I was trying to be someone else,
I was trying to learn who I was.
In six and a half years of doing this, I have lived more of my life
than I have in the entire 29 years of my life.
This journey on YouTube has taught me more about myself than ANYTHING EVER
in the history of who I was.
And a few things that I've learned about myself
are things that are very beneficial to what I do on YouTube.
Number one, first and foremost, is I generally just don't give a fuck.
And that's good and bad,
uh, when it comes down to like negativity and criticism I just don't give a fuck.
But, in other ways, too,
on the positive side, it can allow to seem like I
just don't give a fuck.
What people think, bad or good.
and that's not necessarily true in-in all honesty no one will every be a bigger critic of myself than I am,
so what would someone else's opinion about me matter,
in the least?
But I do care, about what this channel has brought about.
Like, there's no denying that this channel
is one of the biggest, one of the most lively,
one of the best community channels
in the entire ecosystem of YouTube.
and I'm very proud to say that I don't care if people disagree with that,
doesn't matter to me,
I'm proud of what we've accomplished on this channel.
And that's not to say that everyone else is SHIT by comparison,
I'm proud of what I have done.
but...
then again...
I haven't had this opportunity to just talk with you guys...
to open up the dialogue between you. I bemoan all the time
like [In a fake crying voice] Ahh, I miss not being to talk to you guys on an individual level
[In his normal voice] Boo-fucking-hoo!
Like, that's not what it's about.
That's an excuse,
and I realize that just, like, just these past few days,
I've really been boiling up inside my mind
because I've been like really thinking of the different ways that I could make videos to interact
with people to make them members, feel like they're-they're-they're-they're...they're respected
a-a-and like give rewards for what they do,
and then again, not make sure that the subscribers
who you guys have been following me since the beginning feel like
you've been left behind...
I don't want that dissonance between it
and it made me realize that
[Almost yelling] I just haven't been talking!
I haven't been talking to you guys!
I haven't been honest, I haven't been open,
I haven't had this dialogue that has always been so important to me
I have not spoken my mind,
I have not said the things that are on my heart!
The things that are weighing down on my soul!
I have not mentioned them, I haven't gotten emotional about my own thoughts in FOREVER!
[In his normal voice] and I don't know what started that.
I don't know what did it.
I think it's almost this obsession with quality
of mine that has led me to not do this because in a weird way,
it seems almost juvenile to do it,
but it's SO important to what I am.
To who I am. To what this channel represents.
about me
It is so important that I'm able to do this fundamental thing
This simplistic thing that seems like bullshit,
but on it's surface,
or below it's surface, is so much more ...
This,
this right here,
is the lifeblood of this channel.
It's what keeps it moving through the darkness
I've talked in the past about this fire that burns inside of you...
This fire that keeps you going through thick and thin,
this fire that pushes you through hardship towards your goal.
Always moving forward,
and this fire catches
with other people when you guys have believed in me,
believed in what I do, in the same way that I believe that anybody
can accomplish their goals if they're willing to sacrifice enough
and it's a decision that you have to make.
Is that sacrifice "worth" the chance at something better?
And for me the answer is always yes.
Always, always yes.
It's why I say I wouldn't care if my channel died tomorrow.
That's not to say I don't care about the channel.
I don't care because I know, me as a person,
would never, EVER give up.
And so, when I move forward, and when I came out of my slump from last year,
and I move into these bigger projects that I can do.
It makes me realize tha-that something more....
is out there
Ya know, I used to think, that that I've reached my goals.
that that I'd gotten to the point where I wanted to be.
that I had reached the mountain top and yet I know now...
the six and half years that I've been doing this...
is nothing.
It's absolutely nothing.
You wanna know why I feel like I'm in a good place now?
I finally have a goal beyond what I have here.
There's no denying the success of this channel.
We have SOO many subscribers,
to the point where numbers don't even mean anything anymore,
but that's not what it's about.
that's never been whats it's about,
and I realize that.
I realize the obsession with numbers
is what's going to be the death of YouTube
and the death of any platform and the death of any creator
that gets too tied up
in the success of it.
The shining accolades,
the presents. I don't give a FUCK about awards,
award shows, they can all go burn, I don't care.
If there's one thing in the world that doesn't mean any thing, it's opinions.
opinions don't mean SHIT.
ACTION means something.
Taking those opinions to heart. Executing those opinions.
Making those opinions happen,
making those ideas happen.
That's what matters.
But ideas by themselves wither and die.
in the darkness,
but when you take them out,
and you set them to flame, you can make anything happen.
What people can make, the inspiration people take from that,
the ability for someone to go even farther than they ever imagined them going.
The ability for people to push them selves beyond their means, I mean look at me...
Honestly, look at me,
as an example, look who I was six and a half years ago,
look how far I came.
Because I made the decision to struggle every single day.
Every. Single. Fucking. Day.
To work towards something that I wanted
I didn't even know what it was that I wanted.
It changed all the time. What I wanted
but I knew I wanted something better
I knew I wanted to improve myself
I knew that there was a way to put good will, love, understanding,
caring into the world out there,
and I knew there was a way to do that, through a medium
where people could, at the same time, get joy from.
And I'm still doing it.
I'm still doing it to this day, and I love that.
I honestly, truly, 100% love that.
It's my favorite thing.
And it all starts here.
I know that It can be hard to... get a read,
On who I am as a person. It's hard for me, too.
I'm always changing.
I'm always changing what I want, I'm always changing where I'm going
My priorities always change.
But at the core of it,
what's important to me is being honest.
Not just with you guys, but with myself.
Be honest about what I want, being open about it. Telling you guys about it.
Making you feel like you're included in this, because you are.
Like, you've never not been, but it didn't seem like that, you know?
And that's what I want to change.
I know I'm still young, but I've never not thought about
What I'm going to leave behind after I die
I always think about that.
I don't fascinate- I'm not fascinated by my own death,
you know, I'm not morbid like that,
But I just recognize the idea behind it.
I recognize that what I do is temporary
But, what I leave behind is forever.
Who knows what tomorrow's gonna bring, I don't know, I don't even care...
I've got my plans and I know there's gonna be up-ended plans
all over the place spilling out onto the road
as this train crashes down. BUT,
While I'm here.
I'm gonna make a difference
And hopefully you will too.
So THANK YOU everybody so much for watching
I do want to make more of these just talking vlogs
more often. I miss it. I miss you.
So thank you for being here
And thank you for watching.
And AS ALWAYS, I will see YOU, in the next video
BUH-BYE!