Want to learn how to make a video about interesting vegan facts that subversively gives the vegan
movement a kick in its collective gonads?! Great! Let’s get started.
Hi it's Emily from Bite Size Vegan and welcome to a special vegan nugget.
Let's dive right in, shall we.
We’re going to use the stunning case study of the recent video posted by WatchMojo,
the 7th largest YouTube channel with currently over 10 million subscribers.
So, how do you make a deliciously subversive anti-vegan video out of an
innocuous-sounding 5 fun facts premise?
Let's take a look.
First, call them “the most interesting and original facts about veganism
that you might not have heard before.”
Even though you’re not actually using any factual basis for your claims and parroting
many overly tired anti-vegan arguments in the guise of “original fascinating facts!”
Second, use lots of clips from popular culture with the majority doing the vegan mocking for you.
Simpsons: You don’t win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!
27 Dresses: I used to be a vegan, but you know, it was too much of a hassle.
Oh god, I know, I mean even being a vegetarian is a challenge.
Now let’s dig into the facts. Show you really mean business by leading with a fact that’s
not even really about veganism and is a borderline non-sequitor. “At least two independent
studies looking at fossil evidence suggest that eating cooked foods, including meat,
helped our ancestors brains grow over millions of years into the brains humans have today.”
Now just hope that people didn’t listen to your own words that it was the process
of cooking, not the meat consumption, that most aided in brain development,
a view also supported by Harvard anthropologist Richard Wrangham.
Also don’t mention the fact that the human brain runs primarily on glucose, not proteins
and fats, meaning higher starch consumption primarily fueled our brain growth.
Ignore any articles, studies or scientists who point to our ancestors largely vegetarian diets.
To really bring your point home, show a clip from Gladiator, but for the love of all that
is holy, do not to mention any studies showing that the gladiators were primarily vegan.
“They analyzed these gladiators. In this case they looked at the bones of the gladiators
and they looked at the mineral content and found they had a low zinc, high strontium
content, which indicated that their diet was very, very vegetarian. In fact they called it vegan.
The galdiators.
And most of all, be sure not to actually cite any studies supporting your claims
outside of a screenshot of an article.
By the way all the claims in this video have citations in the blog post linked below.
And you thought I was just pulling this out of my…
And don’t worry about the fact that what our ancestors did or did not do has no bearing
on the choices we make today. No one cares about logic.
For your next fact, offer up a statistic.
People f--king love statistics and it makes you sound smart.
“Up to 6% of the United States is vegan and a large majority of non-meat eaters are women."
Good. Now throw in a comment that reminds people just how f---ing awful being vegan is.
“It’s no surprise that vegans are in the minority when it comes to their diet.”
And in case any men are considering veganism, be sure to emasculate them with stats:
"Up to 74% of those who don’t eat meat, whether they be vegetarians or vegans are female.”
And definitely don’t show them pictures of these vegans.
Then to seal the deal, show a clip of such a female vegan saying something outrageous,
“you should absolutely be forced to be vegan.”
Excellent.
For your next fact, back off a little bit in case people are catching on
to your real aim and mention something nice about veganism.
“Number Three: A vegan diet sees better results in weight loss attempts."
That’s nice.
Now that you have them lulled into a sense of security, it’s time for the big guns.
“Number Two: A vegan diet may lead to an increased risk of heart disease.”
Oh yes, my friend. You are going there. Before people freak out, be sure to toss them something
marginally scientific-sounding. It’s safest to stick with a widely held misconception
about veganism so they don’t have to do much work to believe you.
“A vegan diet often lacks several key nutrients.” Nailed it. Bring it home with some elaboration
and, if you can, a 3D rendering of some medical stuff.
“such as omega 3 fatty acids and vitamin b12, which leads to an increased risk of developing
blood clots or hardened arteries.”
Definitely don’t link to a playlist like this with a medical doctor whose specialty
is clinical nutrition responding to every major nutrient of concern when going vegan.
But be sure to give them a little credit in a backhanded statement
that actually lends more credence to your cause.
"Research done at St. Michael's hospial in Toronto shows that a low carb vegan diet can
decrease the risk of heart disease by as much as much as 10% over 10 years.”
Completely ignore the fact that a plant-based diet is the only way of eating that not only
prevents but actually reverses heart disease. Or that eating animal products raises your
cholesterol, the one true risk factor for heart disease.
It's either plants or Lipitor, people.
And certainly don’t tell them about the disgusting amount of peer-reviewed
studies linked on the blog post for this video supporting this claim.
Then close it out this section with some vague comment that allows the viewers to continue
eating exactly the way they are. “maybe the takeaway is that when it comes to nutrition,
science will contradict itself eventually and what was going to make you live forever
is now going to kill you and visa versa” totally sidestepping, of course, that your
video is a shining example of the source of such confusion.
Then, throw down the ultimate vegan trump card “and I give up, give me a bacon milkshake.”
Because this is an original video, remember. And no vegan has ever heard the bacon argument.
Genius.
Now in case anyone is still considering going vegan, crown this masterpiece
with a fact that will shut them down before they start.
"Number one: The majority of people who attempt a vegan diet abandon it."
Make sure you make it sound like it’s really hard
not to torture and kill animals for food.
Also make sure not to say how the majority of people who start an exercise program also quit,
because people may realize it’s not the exercise or veganism’s fault – it’s the people.
Just say, “The most common reasons for getting back on the meat train are problems like
boredom with veggie food options and finding it difficult to sustain a meat-free diet.”
And do not include this clip: “Because once you rule out the flesh of animals’ bodies,
the secretions and objects that come out of their orifices, there’s just really nothing left to eat."
Now wrap up this whole shebang with the most shocking statement you can find from a vegan,
take it out of any context of course, and show how insane they really are...
"you just gotta step the f—ck up or you really don’t deserve to live on this planet.”
Really focus on this one shocking thing that one vegan said, and totally ignore the countless shocking
things that every non-vegan pays for and supports with every bite they take.
And if someone has the nerve to respond to your claims with facts, make sure to
hang on to your ambiguous wording with a death grip.
And whatever you do, don’t tell the truth.
Now I don’t know what your motivation was for making this video. We already know that the
American Egg Board, with the USDA’s approval, paid $33,000 to popular food bloggers for positive
pieces on the wonders of eggs. So maybe you got a little financial boost.
I hope you enjoyed this instructional video. Please share this video in the comments of
WatchMojo’s video and on their Twitter, Instagram and Facebook, all linked below.
If you want to help support future videos, click right here or
the support links in the video description below.
Give the video a thumbs up and spread it around to debunk this propaganda
and if you want some actual information on veganism, check out some of my videos
linked here and more below. Subscribe for more vegan content every
Monday, Wednesday, and some Fridays.
Now go live vegan, don’t buy the propaganda, and I’ll see you soon.
Dr. Greger: How about our number one killer?
The number one killer of men and women. The number one reason you and everyone you love will die...
...heart disease....
...can be prevented, arrested, treated and cured with diet alone.