So I have a tumblr page, I get asked a lot of questions there
and something I was asked recently is how to get over someone.
and I'm-I'm okay at this now
so yeah I think I'm here to offer a bit of wisdom.
Getting over someone's horrible because you really do start to think that they're the only person you'll ever fancy
..or love, if you were at that point.
also if there are flies buzzing about in this room I´m so sorry
so my first bit of advice
would be to unfollow them or mute them on all social media
I mean it. ALL of it.
Don´t just keep their snapchat and check it every so often
That´s not gonna help
When you break up with someone on facebook
they now have, um, special kinda break up settings
and that´s really helpful
and you can also now limit the stuff you see in your 'on this day in history'
uh, that you'll time hop effectively
and really do make sure you unfollow them on everything
the number of times I´ve been like "oh, I´ve done everything" and then I see a snapchat or like an instagram story pop up
and I´m just like "oh my god"
the second bit of advice I would give is keep yourself distracted
try your absolute hardest not to dwell on it
especially in the first like couple of months or like the first month I´d say especially
If you´ve got a bunch of friends, hang out with them
If you don´t have a bunch of friends, then take up a new hobby, teach yourself something, errr... watch a new series on netflix
do anything possible like go to the gym, like, i don´t know do stuff that is distracting and rewarding for you and makes you feel like you are building yourself into a more whole human
Cause at least when you've been with someone for a long time you definitely feel a dependency
and like, they do kinda become your other half and that´s really scary
that slipping of your independence, I found terrifying
Thirdly, and this is a controversial one
but, try not to drink too much
Now, hear me out, um
when you drink, your body, uh, stops, well, is unable to
process emotion or process what´s going on
so if you drink away the problems every night, you´re not drinking them away; they just sit
they kind of, smolder and then they will come back, and you have to deal with them eventually
so you may as well deal with them when you´re hurting
and the avoidance technique, sure, do it once or twice; but it won´t work long term.
process those feelings
get them out your system
I know friends who kinda reserve a period of time every day
or like a period of time every week where they just sit and think about the breakup
or that think about, that person
Uh, for me that wouldn't, i don´t know, that´s a bit weird for me
but if it works for you, do it
talk to people about the problems you´re having
i just wanted lots of validation and wanted other people's opinion on the situation
and whilst that may not be the healthiest thing, it certainly reassures you and stops you from beating yourself up about stuff
um, yeah, just talking to people about it
helps you process it, whether that's a therapist or your friends
look after yourself. self care. Looking after yourself is so important at this stage of the game
it´s so easy to neglect yourself. I am known to really neglect myself in those situations
and it just doesn´t help
ultimately, you get worse
so, look after yourself
be kind to yourself, don´t burn yourself out
specifically, like don´t overwork, don´t over- like do it, don't party loads
like, again, just balance
take care
and the self care thing also applies to getting under other people
if you are pursuing other people, um, to try and like, kind of fill a void, just be careful with that.
make sure you actually want to be doing everything you are doing
make sure you're not being taken advantage of
because I, I am telling you now
Some people can smell out vulnerability. They can literally smell it on you and they will pursue you.
Be very self-aware. Just take a couple of moments and think, 'hey, am I doing what I what to be doing right now? do I want to go home?' [laughs]
'Am I happy being in this person's bed?'
Again on the self care thing, be patient with yourself because it does not just vanish.
Um, dodie told me that everything comes in waves and the waves get further and further apart as time goes on, but
you'll still have the waves, um, and that was the most helpful thing I could've heard.
Ultimately, there are plenty of more fish and once you've been through it a couple of times, you kinda realize that like there are many soulmates
we are all gonna be fine. we're gonna find people.
Embrace the sadness; use it to make art if that's what you do. If not, sorry.
Just go with the flow; there's nothing you can do cause you feel shit. Like, you can't do anything.
You just HAVE to go with it. And just know that it gets easier every day.
Thanks for watching; let me know if you've got any better getting over someone advice in the comments.
Let's be real: everyone could do with as much of it as possible.
Ohh this smells like summer.
And you will get over them. You will. I have faith.