YouTubers are so popular that most teenagers would be more willing
to take advice from one than from a parent or even a very cool teacher.
In this series, I, Liam Williams,
a 50-year-old grumpy technophobe in the body of a 28-year-old
grumpy technophobe, will be meeting them.
Come on! Whoo!
Each week, I'll be taking a different challenge as I try to
become more like them, and hopefully win a £10,000 prize.
Then rotate...
Aah! Focus!
HORN BLASTS
I arrived at the YouTubers management agency to hear about
my third challenge from the boss, James Wirm.
You ready? Mm-hm.
Hit it.
DRUMROLL
Hit the cymbal! Hit the cymbal!
Should have rehearsed. This week's episode is music.
Justin Bieber, Carly Rae Jepsen, Lana Del Rey.
What do those three people have in common?
They should all be thrown in a ditch with a...
I don't know, just trying to say something cynical.
No, all three of them shot to fame because...
I don't even mind Lana Del Rey.
I feel bad slagging her off, I've got her album.
It's good. All three of them... Liam, brother, all three of them
found fame when their music videos went viral on YouTube.
And Bieber, actually, he said some good stuff about the NHS. Liam!
Your challenge, my boy, is to create a viral music video.
What does viral mean? It has to give people flu.
RIMSHOT
We can welcome him back into my good books. "Wirmed" his way in.
"Wirmed" his way in, I don't mind. Another one for him.
RIMSHOT
No, what it means is - it has to be unspeakably popular.
I went to visit Millipede, fresh from her recent performance
in a video for pop band the Tiny Girls.
# Whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh, oh
# Oh-oh, oh, oh, oh-oh... #
Who are the Tiny Girls?
What? No? I don't know what you're talking about.
You did not ask me that. Yes, I did.
ALL: Hey! We're the Tiny Girls!
The Tiny Girls, it turns out,
were dreamt up in 2016 during one of Simon Cowell's less imaginative
afternoon wanks. But even the most successful new pop groups have fewer
fans than YouTubers, so they organised a guest appearance
from Millipede to get them extra publicity.
# Whoa-oh, oh-oh, oh, oh
# Oh-oh, oh, oh, oh-oh
# Oh, oh, oh-oh, oh, oh... #
Such a cool song, right? Not for me.
Not very original, in my book.
Just saying, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa..."
No, it's not, it's not, "Whoa."
It's "Whoa-aa." So what? What's the difference?
It's spelled differently.
Oh, yeah. Whoa, that's like, W-O-H.
Whoa-a, obviously that's W-O-O...
It has been dubbed the Millennial Whoop -
a melodic alteration between
the fifth and third notes
of a major scale,
AKA the sound of all true hope dying.
"Whoa" is like
"OK, yeah, great."
"Whoa-aa" that's like, "OK, yeah, so good."
# Oh, la-la, la, la, oh... #
I don't know. Not really my thing, modern pop music.
I'm not very clued up... Yeah? ..on the nuances, I have to say.
OK. So what kind of stuff do you like? Um, wow...
Kind of in the neighbourhood of Bob Dylan meets...
you know, late Bob Dylan.
I can just... Have you got Spotify?
Yes, yes. Cos it's hard to distil my taste into simple language.
I'll just...
MUSIC PLAYS
You like that? Do you feel that?
Yeah, I feel it in, like, a bad way.
That's nice to feel bad sometimes, isn't it?
I really hate bad stuff.
You like it? You think this is good?
VARIOUS MUSIC PLAYS
This one is an absolute favourite.
Sorry, let me... Do you mind me... No. ..taking this?
OK.
I love to listen to this. It just wipes me out for about three hours.
# Just before our love got lost you said
# I am as constant as a northern star and I said... #
What is this?
This is Joni Mitchell,
A Case Of You.
Like this one?
# ..If you want me I'll be in the bar
# I met a woman... #
Yeah.
# She had a mouth like yours, she knew your life... #
Yeah, it's almost like...
I don't know, like...
What she's saying, or...
the meaning of what she's saying has always been within me, or something.
Glad you like it. No, I don't know, it's just a cool song.
PHONE BUZZES
MUSIC CONTINUES
Hey.
Yeah. Yeah, I know.
Sorry. OK. MUSIC STOPS
What was that? Yeah.
Also, later, can I please talk to you about the...?
Who was that? James saw that we're listening to stuff on Spotify
that's not on my approved playlists.
James Wirm monitors your Spotify?
No. It's not like James is, like,
sitting there all day monitoring to make sure, you know,
I'm not being off brand, or...
He's got an algorithm that does it for him, so... It's cool.
'I left Milli to her sadness and went to meet Charlie,
'who had something very exciting in store for me.'
Come on, we're going to be late. For what? We're going to meet Bombzy.
We're going to meet Bombzy?
Yeah, we're doing, like, a promo for some headphone cleaning wipes.
I love Bombzy. I just think grime is the most exciting and radical
expression of the disenfranchisement of the whole generation...
# Fuck, I just smashed it
# Fuck, I just changed the game
# Fuck Got snakes at my door
# Trying to steal my lot
# Fuck you, dickhead, callin' me lucky
# Drivin' a Smart car, should be a buggy
# Fuck I got too much money, fuck
# I got too much cash Fuck
# I'm like Frank Lampard
# Too many caps... #
..the failure of the state, that's the failure of the system, you know.
And that's why the riots happened when they did.
And that's why this music has begun to...
Yeah, yeah. Bombzy! ..express a kind of anger in a new kind of
found confidence. Charlie South. How's it going? You good, yeah?
Yeah. This is Liam, he's doing a documentary about me, well, about,
you know, TV and stuff. Great to meet you, Bombzy.
I just want to... Let's go. Let's do this.
I'm a big fan of your album and grime music in general, I think,
is in a very exciting place.
What's going on? It's your boy, Bombzy, yeah?
It's a treasure to be here, fam.
Wipe your modems clean, fam! You got a tissue, yeah?
Wipe up your modems cos this one's going to scar your fucking head!
Cypriot-born rapper Bombzy, real name Bambos,
is the new poster boy of grime.
He's had number one singles in the US and Britain,
and he started out by posting DIY music videos to YouTube.
He really is... Shut up, bruv.
Sorry. Sound like a boring old man, innit?
THEY LAUGH
# You got a ace up your sleeve?
# Bruv, I got the whole pack
# And the instruction card, so I know the rules of the game... #
Shall we say they're very clean?
Just go - "They're very clean."
Selling the product, innit? They're very... Say it with me.
They're very clean now. They're very clean.
Try, "now." They're very clean now.
It's almost as if selling brands and promoting products is all part of
the artistry, it's all part of the hustle.
All you not subscribing to my channel - fucking wake up, innit?
There's some exciting stuff happening there - vlogs and that,
and food reviews and...
Fuck you, innit?!
Subscribe, though.
Do we have any sparkling water in the yard? Any sparkling water?
'Bombzy wasn't completely the radical anti-establishment artist
'I'd assumed, so it was reassuring to see him spit some sick political
'freestyle on a live stream.' All right.
Love to Theresa, love to the feds.
Man start a revolution from man's bed.
No to the circus, no to the bread.
Get on that French thing, off with their heads!
CHEERING
Getting in the way. That was sick.
'My new friendship with Bombzy would have to be put on hold.
'I was summoned away by an angry phone call from James Wirm,
'who said there had been an emergency with Millipede.
'I feared the worst, and I was right.'
I have gotten sick of all these "artists" that are creating the same
manufactured sugary shit,
and if we listen to this all the time,
it limits creative thought.
I'm talking about the Tiny Girls.
# Whoa-oh... #
Here are some of the artists
that I actually recommend and that you should listen to. OK, one...
'Clearly, I was beginning to have an influence on Millipede.'
I returned to freestyle my music challenge in the recording studio.
I'd been in touch with my new friend Bombzy
to get his advice on my grime vid.
But he never answered my e-mails,
So I had to make do with another coach.
What's up, man?
What are you doing? You all right? What are you talking about?
What you laughing at? What's this?
What's what? Have you just bought that?
No. You've got the labels on the cap. What? That...?
That's how they wear 'em. That's how WE wear 'em.
Are you trying to dress like Bombzy?
No! I'm just trying to be comfortable. OK?
Let's go.
GRIME MUSIC PLAYS
Yeah. All right.
# Yeah, Vloggy McVlogface in an odd place
# Emotionally, grime and reason, grime and punishment
# Grime and... Lemon and grime
# White man can't rap, no, white man's just crap, whoa
# White boy can't flow... #
Sorry, that's too fast. Could you go...? Sorry, mate, can you...?
That's far too fast. MUSIC STOPS
I'm dizzy. Are you OK?
Can you hear me?
MUSIC RESUMES
Is that...?
That's slower. That still feels fast.
It's like Usain Bolt's producing that one.
All right, bring the beat back.
Bring the beat back!
Yeah.
Vlogs.
GRIME MUSIC PLAYS
Yep.
# Yeah, I'm lower middle-class but my floor's made of glass
# And I'll smash that, just like your lass... #
Not really, that's a joke. Yep.
# I might have haters, like James Wirm,
# But I got a thick skin thanks to... #
Stop, stop. What?! What are you doing?!
What are you doing? What are you doing?
What's this? This is what I'm doing for my chat music video challenge!
You don't know cos you're not an artist! You're behaving mad!
You haven't heard it all yet.
This is like... This is the problem!
People don't give experimentation a chance.
Liam, you can't do this, this is terrible.
You've... Philistines. You're going to have to do something else.
'As I left the office, I encountered the last person I wanted to see.'
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Sorry... Whoa, whoa! Oi, come here.
Where do you think you're going?
What have you said to Millipede?
I haven't said anything to her.
I just played her some music.
Right, well, that's sent her to the sad and mad land.
To what? Sad and mad lad. Sad and mad lad? Mad land.
Sad and mad land?
They're actually saying something that they care about.
She's gone to sad and mad land.
Urgh! And when she's gone to sad and mad land, that's bad for me because
then I have to shake all sorts of hands and buy all sorts of
expensive lap-dance - lunches -
for angry managers of sugary shit pop bands.
# Oh, oh, oh... #
You need to upload a viral music video to your channel
by the end of today, and good luck to you.
Genuinely, good luck to you. Cos if you don't...
you're going to lose the chance to win that 10K.
Bop.
I went home feeling defeated,
and Millipede's new video made me feel even more depressed.
I did something really stupid.
I tried to do a joke and it was a massive fail.
Being funny is just not my thing.
"Don't be funny, Milli!"
Of course I don't hate Tiny Girls.
I love Tiny Girls!
# La, la, oh, oh-oh... #
HE EXHALES
I only had two more hours to make a viral music video and I'd wasted it
watching YouTube again.
PHONE BUZZES
But then I received a phone call from Millipede.
Hello?
Yeah, not bad, you?
'Millipede had decided maybe I wasn't so bad after all,
'and she'd use her profile to help me pass my challenge.'
Yeah, I'll go for a drive.
Hey, can we upload this?
Yeah, yeah. To my channel? OK, yeah, sure.
Thank you. And will you share it, give it a plug?
Yeah. This is gold. I'll share it. Everyone should see this.
I'll share it.
# Don't it always seem to go
# That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
# They paved paradise
# And put up a parking lot
# Oooh, do-do-do-do
# Oooh, do-do-do-do... #
Ah!
Do you want me to still do the rap? Yeah, do your rap.
Can't, I smacked my head, I'm too dizzy. Are you all right?
I had my head pressed against the back of the seat.
Too much pressure on my head and I've just gotta...
Bombzy!
I was surprised to pass the challenge and even more surprised
to become friends with Millipede,
which would serve me well in next week's challenge -
health and fitness.
I like the T-shirt.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cheers, man.
"Get ripped or die trying."
I don't think that's what it says.
What does it say? It says -
"Benchin' till I henchin'".
Ha! That's a good one.