- [Woman On Radio] Good Morning.
You're listening to K-U-R going to be okay.
Don't forget, the early bird gets the worm.
Although, late worms are worms too.
Important to remember that.
- [Man On Radio] It's morning in America
and you need to wake the Hell up.
You're listening to O'Sullivan on Scapegoat Radio.
Where we place the blame so you can have no shame.
(kids yelling) It is a crazy show today folks.
- [Woman On Radio] This program has been brought to you
in a partnership with the Lib-tard Foundation
and the Jews.
- [Man On Radio] And another group I blame
for my own problems are people
that aren't you and your friends.
What are they hiding?
- [Woman On Radio] Refugees by the thousands,
mostly children, service men, and puppies,
have been barred entry from the country.
- [Man On Radio] Another attack on our own soil.
And while we have no evidence,
I'm gonna go ahead and blame the Muslims.
Just feels like one of theirs, doesn't it?
Get a load of this.
(radio personalities chattering)
(mellow rock music)
- No.
(whimsical music)
(car honks)
- [Man] Come on.
- I have a half caff, no fat, soy whipped mocha
frab dab pab, hold the coffee.
- Hey.
- I'm a Christian Republican and an internet troll,
in that order.
- Oh, hey.
How are those stat reports coming along?
I'm gonna need them before end of day.
It's Sebastian and I's anniversary
and I need to get out of here early
if we're getting into the new hot spot.
They have food straight from store to table.
I don't think they even have cooks.
- Hey there.
How are those stat reports coming along?
I'm gonna need them before the end of the day.
It's me and the Mrs. anniversary
so I wanna get out of here early.
I'm gonna take her out on the town
and then we're gonna go home and have heterosexual sex.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
- I'm patriotic.
I only shop at American Apparel.
♫ More fun if the south had only won
- Um, I know they think all Muslims are terrorists
but how quickly we forget, 9/11.
- Thanks. - Totally.
- I mean Muslims are exactly like us.
- Yeah, and if I ever meet one,
and they speak English,
I'll make sure they understand that.
- Alright, here we go.
- I hate to say it.
It's Mexicans.
They're taking our jobs. - Totally.
- I can't find a job anywhere.
- I hear they're hiring in the kitchen right here.
- What do I look like?
A Mexican?
- I hope you like cardamom.
- Namaste.
- I mean, we're not in a war against Muslims,
we are in a war against Islam.
Or is it the other way around?
What was that article saying again?
- Yeah, I read that.
It's about how Obama ended war.
He sent drones, so no one died.
- I met an actual Army person once.
It was on Halloween, but still,
I should have thanked him for his service.
- [Man] Excuse me.
- It's not your fault.
- What?
Climate change is a hoax.
- Those open borders, they are gonna be the end of us.
They let anyone come across.
- Exactly, if you don't think the A-rabs
and the Mexican are working together,
you're not reading the same fake news I am.
- Or, God forbid, we have another 9/11.
But in a place that really matters,
like in the Wal-Mart outside of town.
- I'm such a feminist I pee sitting down.
(whimsical music)
(kids yelling)
- Quote unquote, president's quote unquote administration
quote unquote quote, leaked today.
- Another cabinet shift.
The president has nailed it once again
appointing Scott Baio.
Looks like Charles is now in charge
of homeland security.
Alright, so after.
(whimsical music)
(computer notification swoops)
(voices yelling)
- [Man] New York Times.
- [Woman] That is totally fake news.
- [Man] Two words, Ben Gazi.
(voices yelling)
(silverware clattering)
(sighs)
- [Man] Okay.
Maybe.
(sharp click)
- [Woman on Video] Are you gonna take that
fat spongy nose and stick it in the
shiny nasty balloon jar?
(circus music and laughter)
Oh, let me honk that horn you dirty, dirty hobo.
(upbeat music)
(creaking)
- [Director] Nine bravo, take seven, mark.
Action.
- I mean, I've been trying to read conservative news
but, I'm sorry, I'm having a very hard time
believing conservatives exist.
- I'm so straight, I don't touch my dick when I pee.
Honestly, I get all my news from Jeopardy.
- Honestly, I get most of my news from Listables.
- You going to Take Back the Night?
- Yeah, totally.
Who took it again?
- Chocolate sprinkles with a whipped top
but it's a non-whipped top if you have
a coffee top with a foam.
(chuckling)