you have two beautiful children how are
they doing they love you my daughter's
in class with your son yeah
uh and you like do you know what they
call them beckett oh that's cool
because there's a becket g yes there's a
there's another beckett who has a
different last name
uh yeah and so sometimes my son will
refer to himself to me as beckett oh
i'm like you're my only son he is you
don't know how to
qualify that kid is the coolest kid his
son is so cool when i see
beckett at school and your daughter's
awesome too but your son's always funny
no your dog your daughter's the best i
mean she's amazing yeah yeah
but anyways last night
so um my my kids you know
they want to watch tv all the time and
uh and i try to pretend all right
if i put on a good show it'll be good
for them and it's not bad that they're
watching tv so last night
i'm like what do i put on and i hit the
list
and apparently we record a little house
on the prairie so i was like little
house in a pair that's a good idea
and then my kids start going oh no you
know we've seen everyone
and then there was one called uh indian
boy or something and so i said
uh i'm daddy's going to do a western
maybe we'll watch that you know because
in this movie i'm about to do i'm raised
by
indians so uh they go all right and i
put it on and it
immediately starts off with this nice
indian man backing away and i was like
oh no
and my kid goes why is he backing away
and i go i don't know
maybe someone offered him turkey and he
didn't want it or not
so and then they cut they cut to these
three guys
with guns and i and then i hear they're
not going to kill them are they i go
no a little house in the prairie no
one's going to get killed on little
house everywhere
and the next thing i see is his hand on
a rock
and it kind of shakes and falls down i
was like oh and my key goes no
no no no no no you could you said you
have jim like a safe choice you never
know when you turn on the team prairie
yeah
house on the prairie anyway sorry you're
a terrible dad
the worst dad ever they got traumatized
by that you like to sometimes put your
kids uh in the morning yeah
i stuff them in there i'm just curious
are they anything like you they have
your personality because
no i see they're just nice kids i don't
know you haven't spent enough time with
them i know like oh they're sort of like
adam
they're they're nicer than me they're a
lot they're like my wife they're like
nice people
i'm not i'm not as nice as my wife so
they're more like
my my wife in that decent
but uh but i uh the one thing i notice
that they're
sort of getting is my they don't dress
bad like me but they get itchy
they get it that's the thing with you
you get itchy at you you get like you
know if you're wearing a suit you don't
like it
started at my bar mitzvah when i would
yell with that stupid suit and i was
like
i just couldn't stand wearing the suit
and i kept saying never again with this
and my father's like oh relax and blah
blah
so anyways my my niece got married at
lake winnipesaukee this summer
and so uh the kids were flower girls and
um
my niece and my wife and everybody put
them in these nice
outfits and they were very uh itchy
and they kept saying i want to take it
off and i kept saying relax relax
wear that blah blah blah you got to just
at least do the
flower girl stuff and then we'll get it
off here and then so we did the ceremony
and then right when they finished i s
i snuck them away from the wedding
well everyone was walking from the
ceremony to to where
the banquet or whatever where you eat
and i just say
go ahead take off the thing and they
stripped it down to their underwear and
i said let's dive in the lake and i
jumped into my underwear we were
swimming in the lake you all got in your
underwear and jumped in the lake and the
wedding's still going on
well yeah people were walking by and
then all of a sudden i just hear
my mother's voice blasting you're a pig
and you're teaching them to be big
this is wrong