- I was like going through my pubic hair
land all of a sudden I saw this little tiny
like mite thing alive and crawling around.
And I was like.
(upbeat music)
- So was sex talked about in your home growing up?
- Honestly, that topic never really came up.
- I think I had maybe one brief talk
with my stepmom, but my dad definitely avoided.
- Come to think of it.
I actually don't think I had the sex talk with my parents.
- How did you get your STI?
I have no idea.
The one that I got was pubic lice, AKA crabs.
I was like going through my pubic hair
and all of a sudden I saw this little tiny
like mite thing alive and crawling around.
And I was like.
- Honestly, I was not using safe sex.
I was just having unprotected sex,
hoping for validation and worth.
And unfortunately that didn't work.
I had to work on that within.
- I just didn't have a condom on me
and didn't really feel like going out of my way to get one.
I figured it would be no big deal.
- I got gonorrhea from a previous partner.
He had gonorrhea in his throat
which he did end up passing to me.
- It wasn't a one night stand.
It was a guy I met on Tinder
when I was studying abroad in Paris.
We had seen each other a few times,
but this time he was kind of pressuring me
to go without protection.
And I did not want to, but I ended up giving in.
- Funny thing, I actually broke up with an ex
and I hooked up with one person
and I got tested three days later
and I came up positive for syphilis.
- How did you feel when you found out you were positive?
I felt really sad and depressed.
I was happy knowing that it could be treated at least.
There have been so many other times I've been reckless
with having a bunch of unprotected sex.
So the fact I got it from someone I was seeing consistently
and not a one night stand was just irritating.
- It was chlamydia.
When you learn in school
about these STIs and sex education,
it's always the most drastic side effects
and long term effects.
So when I first found out that I was positive,
I freaked out and I didn't know what to do.
I was really kind of panicking.
- I didn't find out from a doctor.
I wasn't in a clinic.
I was in my bedroom
I guess I felt just ashamed and embarrassed and scared.
- I got diagnosed with HIV on May 21st, 2011.
When I found out that I was positive
I thought my life was over.
I've had definitely ups and downs with my mental health,
especially not only first getting HIV
and then coping with that,
but then also having to tell a partner too.
- What does it feel like?
Okay, I was preparing for this question.
So I was diagnosed with Tricomoniasis.
My main two symptoms were
that it was just so uncomfortable to sit.
And then there were changes
in the chemistry of my genitals.
- I just remember feeling really itchy throughout the week.
And then one day I was like,
alright, we have to investigate.
- I caught it really early on.
So I didn't have a lot of symptoms.
I saw like a bump
and I was like, alright,
like I'm gonna go get checked.
'Cause just in case
- It was definitely itchy, pretty much everywhere.
Didn't look pretty either,
like redness, swelling, like soreness.
- Did you tell your friends or family?
So I actually did tell my family,
I educated them on it and stuff like that.
And like the first question they asked was just like
oh, like, why are you having unprotected sex?
As if like I was having sex with a lot of people.
- I definitely told my roommates
because I had to like do laundry and clean everything.
When I do tell people
I get a lot of like, wow, tell me about the crabs.
And I'm like, okay girl
let's drink some tea and talk about it.
- My mother and I have always been close
and I'm just really thankful
for the love that I got from her and the support.
- I did not tell my family.
I'm not open with them about my sex life.
- I actually asked one of my good friends
like what should I be doing?
And she explained it very calmly to me
that I should be telling people who I've been with.
- When do you disclose to potential partners about your STI?
Immediately.
When I disclosed that I was HIV positive,
I never really had a partner treat me differently.
If anything, it just seemed
like it provided an extra layer of honesty.
- Luckily I no longer have to.
I had some antibiotics and so I'm cured.
If I still had it,
I would assume that it would become a conversation
of course before any sex.
That conversation about safety,
I'm no longer afraid of having it.
- I like to ask for proof now 'cause before
I wouldn't ask for proof and if they don't get tested,
I don't want it at all.
- I had just had sex two days prior
to discovering I had crabs and he was like, are you clean?
I was like, yeah, I'm clean.
It was very awkward having to text this stranger,
being like JK,
you should definitely check yourself out.
- Have you ever lied to a potential partner
about having an STI?
No, it's a big, no, no for me.
This kind of experience also emphasized
the importance of making sure
that it is clear what your sexual habits are.
- At the end of the day,
you're giving them the choice of consenting to sex.
Well, I think they should also be consenting
to a possible infection.
- I have not lied to a potential partner
about having an STI.
Unfortunately, I have lied to a partner
about the amount of safe sex I'd had,
which I regret now
'cause that's very immature and puts both of us in danger.
- Were you afraid for your life after being diagnosed?
I was not,
though I definitely use condoms more when having sex,
but also I get tested more frequently than I did prior.
- It was a scary moment.
But then when I went to a health professional
they really put my fears at ease.
- Syphilis is actually a really serious disease
and it could like deteriorate your brain after a while.
So I did freak out,
but luckily I was a little educated on it.
So like I kind of knew it was curable,
but I was just thinking like,
wow, like what if it was something that was incurable?
- When I first got diagnosed with HIV
I definitely did not think that I was gonna make it.
But then once I spoke with my doctor
he helped me just really understand HIV a lot better.
And so I got all my medicines
and I still remain undetectable today.
- Yes, for like half a second.
But I mean a quick Google search will tell you
that like chlamydia is not gonna take your life.
I am definitely a lot more safe
about the sex that I do practice because
as often as it's not something life threatening,
it very well one day could be
- If you got it from someone else
do you hate the person forgiving it to you?
Not at all.
I don't hate him at all.
There was a lot of anger when I first found out.
I think it was half anger at him and half anger
at myself because I allowed myself to be talked
into having unprotected sex,
with someone who I didn't know or trust.
Unfortunately he unmatched me.
I wish I had the chance to,
reach out to him and say, hey, you should get tested.
- This partner asked me previously
before we initially had sex,
have you gotten tested recently?
And I said, yes, I have.
You wanna have your way to ask
if I was clean essentially, but you weren't.
So it was a slap in the face.
- I mean, at first I was a little angry,
but being mad at someone for giving you
something that they probably didn't even know
that they had is just kind of a waste of your energy.
- Three days before
I had sex with someone and I called him.
He didn't know he had syphilis specifically,
but he had an idea.
It was more like, okay,
we're not gonna be friends anymore.
'Cause that was just messed up dude, like you knew
and you didn't tell me.
Afterwards, I probably didn't have sex
for like a year and a half or more.
I had trust issues.
- I know who gave me HIV.
He's someone that I grew up with,
someone that I know.
I had anger,
I was completely infuriated by the fact
that this person that I had committed myself to
in such a way will have given me something
that is chronic lifelong,
but then also I do forgive him.
We were young and careless and reckless and it happens.
(dramatic music)